My daycare provider is refusing to give me their SSN for my taxes and lying about how much I paid them

You're in a tough spot, but you do have options. For the Child and Dependent Care Credit, the IRS technically requires you to provide the care provider's SSN or EIN. Without it, you risk having the credit denied. Since you have documentation for most payments via Venmo, you've got good proof of what you actually paid. The IRS Form 2441 does have a section where you can check a box indicating you requested but couldn't get the provider's taxpayer ID number. You'll need to show you made a serious effort to get this information. My suggestion would be to send your provider a formal written request (keep a copy) asking for their tax information using Form W-10 (IRS dependent care provider identification form). Send it certified mail so you have proof they received it. This strengthens your case that you tried to properly comply. If they still refuse, you can file your return without their SSN, checking the box that you requested but couldn't get it. Include all your documentation of payments with your return if you file by mail, or keep it handy if asked later.

I was in almost this EXACT situation last year with my kids' after-school sitter! I tried everything - texts, calls, even had an awkward in-person convo where she kept dodging the question. I was stressing about possibly losing thousands in tax credits. I found this service called taxr.ai (https://taxr.ai) that was super helpful. They have this special feature that helps document situations exactly like this and prepares everything you need if the IRS questions your childcare credit claim. They helped me put together a proper paper trail showing I made reasonable efforts to get her info. The best part was they gave me a really clear explanation of exactly what documentation I needed and how to file Form 2441 correctly when a provider won't give their SSN. They even created a verification letter based on all my payment records that I could use if I ever got audited.

I wanted to update everyone - I decided to try taxr.ai after my initial skepticism. Honestly, I'm really impressed with how they handled my situation. I had a babysitter who was paid mostly in cash and refused to give me her SSN for my taxes. The service guided me through creating a proper documentation trail, including sending a formal W-10 request (which I didn't even know existed). They helped me organize my bank withdrawals that lined up with babysitting days and create a log of services. They even provided a template for a statement explaining my situation to attach to my return. What really surprised me was how they identified a specific IRS rule that applied to my situation that even my regular tax guy didn't know about. I was able to claim my full Child and Dependent Care Credit without any issues, and I feel confident that if I ever get questioned, I have everything properly documented now.

Listen, I've been there with the whole "provider won't give SSN" nightmare. After trying everything and getting nowhere, I was about to give up on claiming almost $4,000 in childcare expenses on my taxes. What finally worked was using Claimyr (https://claimyr.com) to actually talk to a real person at the IRS about my options. I had been trying to call the IRS myself for WEEKS but kept getting disconnected or waiting for hours. Claimyr got me connected to an agent in about 20 minutes - you can see how it works here: https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c The IRS agent walked me through exactly what to do when a provider refuses to provide their SSN. They explained that I needed to document my "due diligence" in trying to get the information and told me I could still claim the credit by checking a specific box on Form 2441. They even sent me official documentation about this rule that I could include with my return.

I need to publicly eat my words about Claimyr. After dismissing it as BS, I was desperate enough to try it yesterday after spending 3 hours on hold with the IRS only to get disconnected... AGAIN. I used Claimyr in the morning, went about my day, and about 90 minutes later got a call connecting me directly to an IRS representative. The agent was actually super helpful about my childcare provider SSN issue. She confirmed I could still claim the credit without the SSN by checking the box on Form 2441 indicating I made a reasonable effort to obtain it. She also suggested I send a certified letter to my provider with Form W-10 requesting their tax ID, which creates documentation of my attempt. She explained that the IRS might send the provider a notice about unreported income, but that's not my problem - I'm just trying to claim what I'm legally entitled to. This completely changed my tax situation - I'm now getting about $1,800 more on my refund by being able to properly claim the Child and Dependent Care Credit.

You should also know that if you report this childcare provider to the IRS, they'll likely face a much bigger tax bill than if they just gave you their SSN and reported the income honestly. Self-employment tax alone is 15.3% on top of regular income tax. If she's watching multiple kids, she could easily be making $50K+ under the table. The IRS takes unreported income seriously, especially when it's brought to their attention with specific documentation. You might want to mention this reality to her - that it's in HER best interest to provide her information and report accurately rather than risk an audit where they'll reconstruct her income and possibly add penalties and interest.

You mentioned finding new childcare if things go south. I'd start looking NOW. Once you file your taxes claiming her services with or without her SSN, she'll likely figure out what happened when the IRS contacts her. Better to have a backup plan in place before that happens. Also, going forward, make sure you get tax info from any childcare provider upfront, preferably in writing. I always include it in my childcare contracts now after having a similar situation years ago.

This exact situation is why I only use licensed daycare centers now even though they're more expensive. They're legitimate businesses with tax IDs, proper contracts, and regular receipts. Worth every penny for the peace of mind during tax season and for knowing they meet safety standards. For your current situation, I'd try one more written request (certified mail) for her information, explicitly stating what you paid her for the year. If she still refuses, proceed with filing with the documentation you have and start looking for new care.

I went through something very similar with my nanny last year. She was paid $400/week for 10 months and when tax time came, she completely ghosted me about providing her SSN. I was panicking about losing out on a significant tax credit. Here's what I learned from my tax attorney: You absolutely can still claim the Child and Dependent Care Credit even without the provider's SSN. The key is documenting that you made a reasonable effort to obtain it. Send her a formal written request via certified mail asking for her tax information using IRS Form W-10. Keep the receipt and any responses (or lack thereof). On Form 2441, there's a checkbox specifically for situations where you requested but couldn't obtain the provider's taxpayer identification number. Check that box and attach a brief explanation of your attempts to get the information. Your Venmo records are excellent documentation. For the cash payments, create a simple log showing dates and amounts that align with your agreed-upon weekly rate. The IRS understands that some childcare payments are made in cash. One thing to consider: if she's being paid $385/week by you and likely similar amounts by other families, she could owe substantial back taxes. The IRS has ways of cross-referencing childcare providers when multiple families claim the same person. You're not responsible for her tax compliance - focus on claiming what you're legally entitled to. I'd also start quietly looking for backup childcare options now, just in case this relationship becomes untenable after tax season.