Can my ex-wife use our disabled son's SSI only at her house when I have 70% custody?

You need to contact your local Social Security office immediately and request a change of payee. Since you have 70% physical custody, you have a strong case. When I went through something similar with my grandson (I had 60% custody), I was able to become his rep payee after providing the custody agreement and documentation showing where he primarily lived. The SSA takes this very seriously - the money is supposed to benefit your son regardless of which parent's home he's in. Rep payees are required to use the funds for the beneficiary's needs, not just at one location.

my cousin had almost the same situation!! the ex was keeping all the ssi money but the kid lived with him most of the time. he took the custody papers to social security and they made him the payee instead. you DEFINITELY need to do this!

As someone who works with families in similar situations, I can tell you that SSA regulations are very clear: representative payees MUST use the benefits for the care and well-being of the beneficiary, regardless of where they live. The fact that your son spends 70% of his time with you means a significant portion of his needs are being met in your home, and his SSI should support those needs. Here's what you should do: 1. Document all expenses you cover for your son related to his disability 2. Bring your custody agreement showing the 70/30 split 3. File Form SSA-11 (Request to be Selected as Payee) 4. Request a payee accounting from SSA (they can investigate how current benefits are being used) Also, you should know that SSA typically prefers to assign representative payee status to the person who has physical custody the majority of the time.

MY EX DID THIS TO ME TOO!!! Its totally ILLEGAL but SSA doesnt care unless you MAKE them care!!! The money is for your SON not for your EX!!! Fight for your rights as a parent!!!!

I went through this exact situation but with my daughter who has cerebral palsy. Calling the SSA directly was practically impossible - I spent WEEKS trying to get through. Eventually I found a service called Claimyr (claimyr.com) that got me connected to an actual SSA agent within 20 minutes. They have a video showing how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU Once I finally spoke with someone, I was able to schedule an in-person appointment. I brought our custody agreement, documentation of my daughter's living arrangements, and receipts showing I was covering most expenses. Within about 3 weeks, I was approved as the new representative payee. It was well worth the effort - the benefits now properly support my daughter regardless of which household she's in.

representative payees are supposed to spend the money on the beneficiary, not themselves. if your son is with you 70% of the time, thats where most of his needs are. you should definitely apply to be the representative payee. bring your custody agreement and any proof that he lives with you most of the time. they usually side with whoever has the kid more.

wait i'm confused, does SSI and SSDI work the same way for kids? my nephew gets SSDI not SSI because of his dad's work record and they have different rules i think...

I would suggest a different approach - have you tried discussing this with your ex first? Maybe you could work out an arrangement where she transfers a portion of the SSI to you each month based on the 70/30 split. That might be faster than going through the SSA bureaucracy, which can take months. If she refuses, then definitely pursue becoming the payee.

An important point no one has mentioned: as the representative payee, your ex is required to file an annual Representative Payee Report explaining how the benefits were used. If she's only using the money for 30% of his care needs, she may have difficulty justifying this on her reports. When you apply to become the new payee, mention to SSA that you'd like them to review her past reports, as this could strengthen your case.

I'm going through something similar with my disabled daughter's SSI. One thing that helped me was documenting EVERYTHING - not just receipts, but also keep a log of which days your son is with you, what care you provide, medical appointments you take him to, etc. SSA wants to see that you're actively involved in his care, not just that you have custody on paper. Also, when you call SSA, ask specifically about "change of payee due to change in living arrangements" - they have a specific process for this. It took about 6 weeks in my case, but having all the documentation ready made it much smoother. Your son deserves to have his benefits used properly regardless of which house he's in.

I work as a disability advocate and see this situation more often than you'd think. You absolutely have grounds to request a change in representative payee. The key principle here is that SSI benefits must follow the child's needs, not the parent's convenience. Since your son lives with you 70% of the time, the majority of his daily living expenses, medical needs, and care requirements are happening in your home. A few important things to know: First, SSA will investigate the current payee's use of funds when you request the change - they may ask for detailed accounting of how the money has been spent. Second, you don't need your ex's permission or cooperation for this change. Third, bring documentation showing not just custody percentages but actual living patterns - school enrollment address, medical appointments you attend, therapy sessions, etc. The process typically takes 4-8 weeks once you submit all required forms and documentation. During this time, continue documenting all expenses you're covering for your son. SSA tends to rule in favor of whoever demonstrates they're providing the majority of the beneficiary's care and has the most stable living arrangement. Good luck!

I'm new to this community but dealing with a very similar situation. My 12-year-old daughter has autism and receives SSI, but her father is the representative payee even though she lives with me about 80% of the time after our custody modification last year. He's been using her benefits primarily for expenses at his house, leaving me to cover most of her daily needs, special therapies, and adaptive equipment out of my own pocket. Reading through all these responses has been incredibly helpful - I didn't realize I could request an investigation into how the current payee is using the funds, or that SSA typically prefers to assign payee status to whoever has majority physical custody. I'm definitely going to start documenting everything like several people suggested and look into filing that Form SSA-11. It's frustrating that this seems to be such a common problem, but encouraging to see so many people have successfully navigated the process. Thank you all for sharing your experiences - it gives me hope that I can get this sorted out for my daughter's benefit.

I'm also navigating SSI issues as a newcomer here and this thread has been incredibly informative. What strikes me is how many families are dealing with this exact same problem - it seems like there's a real gap in how SSA handles custody changes and ensures benefits follow the child's actual living situation. For anyone starting this process, I'd suggest creating a simple spreadsheet to track everything: dates your child is with you, expenses you cover, medical appointments, therapy sessions, school activities, etc. Having this organized from day one will make the SSA application much smoother. Also, if your custody agreement specifies overnight percentages like 70/30, make sure you have certified copies - SSA will want official documentation. One question for those who have been through this: did any of you face retaliation from the other parent during the process? I'm worried about potential complications with visitation or other custody issues while pursuing the payee change.

I'm new to this community but have been following this discussion closely as I'm in a very similar situation. My 13-year-old son with intellectual disabilities receives SSI, but his mother is the representative payee even though he lives with me about 65% of the time following our recent custody modification. Reading through all these responses has given me so much valuable information - especially about Form SSA-11 and the fact that SSA typically prefers to assign payee status to whoever has majority physical custody. I had no idea about the annual Representative Payee Report requirement either, or that SSA can investigate how current benefits are being used. What really resonates with me is how many families are dealing with this exact issue. It seems like there's a systemic problem where SSA doesn't automatically review payee arrangements when custody situations change. I'm definitely going to start documenting everything like everyone has suggested - expenses, overnight stays, medical appointments, therapy sessions - and look into that Claimyr service to actually get through to SSA. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and advice. It's encouraging to know that others have successfully navigated this process and gotten the benefits properly allocated to follow their child's actual living situation. The money should be supporting our kids wherever they spend their time, not just benefiting one parent's household.