Can I take back representative payee status for my disabled son's SS benefits from ex-husband?

I worked for SSA for over 12 years, and I can provide some guidance. The representative payee situation isn't automatically determined by physical custody, though that is a major factor SSA considers. SSA's primary concern is determining who will best manage the benefits in the child's interest.If you believe your ex-husband is misusing the benefits, you should definitely report this to SSA. You'll need to provide specific evidence of misuse - vague suspicions won't be enough. Examples might include:- Benefits not being used for your son's food, clothing, or shelter- Money disappearing without explanation- Your son lacking necessities while receiving benefitsTo challenge the current payee arrangement, contact your local SSA office and request to file form SSA-11-BK (Request to be Selected as Payee). Explain your concerns about potential misuse. SSA will investigate and may interview your son if he's mature enough to provide input.

Thank you so much for this detailed information! This is exactly what I needed. I've been documenting instances where my son has mentioned needing clothes or school supplies his dad wouldn't buy, even though the benefit money should cover those expenses. I'll definitely compile this evidence and file that form. Do you know if they typically interview the child in these cases, even if the other parent objects?

Having been through something similar with my granddaughter's benefits, I can tell you it's an uphill battle if your son lives with his dad. The SSA STRONGLY prefers the custodial parent to be the representative payee. I tried for TWO YEARS to get my daughter removed as payee when she was clearly spending the money inappropriately!!!My advice: document EVERYTHING. Get receipts if possible showing your ex isn't spending on your son's needs. Have your son document when he asks for necessities and is denied. The more PROOF you have, the better your chances.Representative payees are supposed to file annual reports showing how benefits were spent. You might want to request copies of these reports through SSA to see if there are discrepancies.

This is really helpful perspective, thank you. I hadn't thought about the annual reports - I'll definitely request those. My son has been telling me that his dad makes him use the benefits to pay for half of all household groceries and utilities, which doesn't seem right since these are his benefits. I'll start having him keep better documentation of what happens with the money.

I went through this exact situation last year with my ex and our daughter's survivors benefits (from my late second husband). What finally worked for me was having my daughter (16 at the time) speak directly to the SSA representative about how her dad was using her benefits.Since your son is 17, SSA will likely take his input seriously. If he confirms that his dad is misusing the funds, that carries a lot of weight. Also, you might want to check out Claimyr (claimyr.com) - it helped me actually reach a live SSA agent quickly instead of waiting on hold forever. They have a video demo at https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU that shows how it works. Getting through to the right person made all the difference in my case.One more thing - since your son is almost 18, is he planning to attend college? If so, the benefits can continue until he's 19 if he's still in high school, but you might want to focus on ensuring the money is being saved appropriately for his education.

I just checked out that Claimyr thing and it actually works! I was able to get through to SSA in like 15 mins after trying for DAYS on my own. thx for sharing this!!

not to be that person but when kids turn 18 they can be their own payee anyway so this might resolve itself soon? just saying maybe focus on making sure ur ex isnt blowing through any saved up money before then

That's actually a really good point I hadn't considered. He turns 18 in about 7 months, but I'm concerned about what's happening to the money right now. There should be some savings accumulated, and I'm worried that's being depleted. But you're right that at least this particular problem has an end date.

The Representative Payee Program has clear guidelines about benefit usage. Benefits must be used for the beneficiary's current needs (food, housing, medical care, personal items) or saved if not needed for current expenses. The key here is documenting misuse.Per SSA policy, when evaluating payee changes, they consider:1. The child's preference (if age appropriate)2. Who has custody3. Who has demonstrated concern for the child4. Who has a positive relationship with the child5. Who is in the best position to know about and look after the child's needsI'd recommend two approaches:1. File form SSA-623 (Request for Change in Representative Payee)2. File a formal misuse allegation at your local officeSince your son is 17, his preference will carry significant weight. If he can articulately explain why he believes the funds are being misused, that will strengthen your case considerably.

This is good advice, but let's be real - SSA doesnt always follow their own rules. I've seen MANY cases where they just default to whoever has physical custody no matter what. The system is BROKEN and favors whoever has the kid living with them regardless of whether theyre actually good with money!! Its infuriating!!!!

My ex did the EXACT SAME THING with my daughter's benefits!!!! He used HER money to pay HIS rent and bills and when I complained to SSA they did NOTHING!!! They said since she lived with him, he was \

I'm so sorry you went through this. That's exactly what I'm afraid of happening. It makes me sick thinking about this money that should be for my son's future just disappearing into my ex's household expenses. Did you ever find any resolution or was there nothing that could be done?

Since your son is 17, this might be a situation where you should pick your battles. The appeals process can take months, and by then he might be turning 18 anyway. If your son continues his education, make sure he knows he might be eligible for continued benefits until age 19 as long as he's a full-time student at a secondary school.Instead of fighting for payee status, you might have more success requesting a payee accounting from SSA. As a parent, you can request that his father provide an accounting of how the funds have been spent. This puts him on notice that someone is watching without getting into a full battle over payee status.If there's substantial evidence of misuse, SSA can retroactively hold the payee responsible, even after your son turns 18.

This is really practical advice. Sometimes you have to be strategic rather than fighting everything. A payee accounting request puts the ex on notice without having to win the bigger battle.

my bro got disability n his ex wife took the kids n the benefits too. he got the payee status back when he could prove she wasnt buying the kids clothes n stuff. do u have any texts or emails where ur son asked 4 things his dad wouldn't buy? that helped my bro's case alot

Yes, I do have some texts! My son has texted me several times asking if I could send him money for things his dad said

One important factor here is whether your son qualifies as capable of directing his benefit payments. At 17, SSA may consider him capable of providing input on how his benefits are managed, even if he can't be his own payee yet.If your son is willing, he could provide a signed statement to SSA indicating his preference for who serves as his representative payee and why. While not determinative, such direct beneficiary input carries significant weight in SSA's evaluation.Also, if you can demonstrate that you've been consistently providing direct support to your son (sending money, purchasing items he needs) despite not having the benefit payments, this strengthens your position as someone actively concerned with his welfare despite the distance.

This is excellent advice. When my daughter was 16, her direct statement to SSA about her preference actually made the difference in our case. The SSA representative told me they take adolescents' input very seriously in these situations, especially when they're approaching adulthood.

wont ur son be 18 soon anyway? then he can just get the money himself right?

Yes, he turns 18 in about 7 months. But I'm worried about what's happening to the money right now - that's over $8,700 before he turns 18. And there should already be some money saved up from previous payments that I'm concerned is being depleted.