Social Security child benefits going to non-custodial parent - can I change representative payee as custodial mom?

As a representative payee consultant, I can confirm you absolutely CAN and SHOULD request to become the representative payee. While survivor benefits must go to the custodial parent, with disability/retirement auxiliary benefits, SSA has more discretion in choosing the payee. However, they strongly prefer the custodial parent because the funds are intended to help support the children's day-to-day needs.You'll need to visit your local field office and file form SSA-11 (Request to be Selected as Payee). Bring proof of custody (court documents), proof the children live with you (school records, medical records with your address), and explain why changing the payee arrangement is in the children's best interest. The SSA will investigate and likely contact your ex-husband as part of the process.

Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to know. I'll download the SSA-11 form tonight. Do you know roughly how long this investigation process usually takes? The kids need new winter clothes and school supplies, and I'm really struggling financially.

my ex did SAME THING!!! took me 3 months to get it switched to me but i finally did. they dont just automatically give it to custody parent, you gotta FIGHT for it. bring ALL your custody paperwork and proof kids live with u!

3 months?! That's so long to wait when you're struggling. Did they make your ex pay back any of the money he received during those 3 months?

nope they didnt make him pay anything back to me. they just switched it going forward. so frustrating but at least i get it now

The rules for auxiliary benefits (when the wage earner is still alive) are different from survivor benefits. For auxiliary benefits, SSA looks at who would best serve the interests of the child, with a strong preference for the custodial parent, but it's not automatic.I'd recommend documenting all the children's expenses you're covering (housing, food, clothing, school needs, medical) to demonstrate you're providing their daily care. Also document any instances where your ex has failed to use the benefits for the children's needs.When you file the SSA-11, request an in-person interview and explain the situation clearly. Bring a detailed budget showing how you'll use the benefits.

Your situation sounds EXACTLY like what I dealt with in 2021!! My ex got SSDI and was getting almost $2300 for our 4 kids even though they lived with me. He kept

Is that service legit? Sounds like one of those scams...

Definitely legit. It's just a service that helps you get through the phone system faster. I was skeptical too but was desperate after trying for weeks to reach someone. They don't handle any of your personal SS info - just help connect the call.

I just wanted to point out that SSI and auxiliary benefits are completely different things. Some of the advice here seems to be mixing them up. Your kids are getting auxiliary benefits (sometimes called dependent benefits) based on your ex-husband's record, not SSI which is needs-based.The good news is that for auxiliary benefits, SSA actually DOES prefer the custodial parent as payee, but they don't automatically know who has custody unless you tell them. They probably made your ex the payee because he was the one who applied for the benefits.Also, be aware that your ex may claim he's using the money for things like

You're right - these are definitely auxiliary dependent benefits on my ex's record, not SSI. He did apply first without even telling me the kids were eligible. He's definitely not saving it for college... he bought himself a new truck last month while telling me he couldn't help with the kids' dental work. I'll make that detailed list of expenses - great idea!

just wundering does anyone know if this effects the amount of child support he has to pay? my ex is saying if he starts getting SS for our kid then his child support should be lower by that amount

That's actually a separate issue that varies by state. In many states, Social Security auxiliary benefits paid for a child can be credited against child support obligations. You should check with your family court or attorney about your specific state's rules. This wouldn't change who should be the representative payee though.

I know this isnt exactly what you asked but my sister had this problem and she ended up having to go back to family court to get the child support order modified because her ex was getting the kids SS benefits and still paying the same child support, but then he took her to court saying he should pay less support since kids were getting benefits. Judge ordered him to pay the difference between original support and the benefits instead. Just something to think about might happen after you get the benefits switched.

To give you an update on your timeline question - the investigation process typically takes 30-90 days. During this time, SSA will contact both you and your ex to gather information. They may also contact other sources like schools or doctors to verify living arrangements.Since you mentioned urgency with winter clothes and school supplies, be sure to emphasize this when you file your SSA-11. In some cases where there's immediate need, SSA can expedite the process or make a temporary payee determination.Also, be prepared that your ex might fight this change. If he does, it could extend the timeline. Document any evidence that the current funds aren't being used for the children's benefit, as this will strengthen your case substantially.

Thank you for this timeline info. I'm going to try to get an appointment at the local office this week. My ex will definitely fight it - he's already told me he's

I went through something very similar last year. My ex was getting disability benefits and automatically became the payee for our kids' auxiliary benefits even though they live with me full-time. What really helped my case was keeping detailed records of everything - not just receipts for expenses, but also screenshots of his social media posts showing expensive purchases while claiming he couldn't help with the kids' needs. One thing I wish someone had told me earlier: make sure to ask SSA about getting retroactive benefits from the date you first requested the payee change. In my case, they were able to redirect some of the payments that had been sent to my ex during the investigation period. It's not guaranteed, but it's worth asking about, especially since you mentioned struggling financially. Also, don't be surprised if your ex tries to claim he's been "saving" the money for the kids' future. SSA sees through this excuse pretty quickly when you can show proof that you're covering all their current living expenses. The benefits are meant to help with their day-to-day needs, not to sit in someone else's savings account. Good luck with your SSA-11 filing - you're doing the right thing for your kids!

I'm dealing with a very similar situation right now! My ex started receiving SSDI benefits and somehow became the representative payee for our two kids' auxiliary benefits even though they live with me full-time. I had no idea this was even happening until I saw him posting about expensive purchases on social media while constantly telling me he couldn't help with their school expenses. Reading through these comments has been incredibly helpful - I didn't know about the SSA-11 form or that I could request to become the payee as the custodial parent. I thought once someone was designated as the payee, that was it. Now I understand I need to gather all my documentation showing the kids live with me and that I'm covering all their daily expenses. One question for those who have been through this process - did you need to provide proof that the current payee isn't using the funds appropriately for the children, or is it enough to just show that you're the custodial parent who should be receiving them? I'm worried about creating more conflict with my ex, but these benefits could really help with rent and groceries for the kids. Thank you to everyone sharing their experiences - it's given me hope that I can actually change this situation!

I'm going through something very similar and wanted to share what I've learned so far. My ex became the representative payee for our kids' Social Security benefits even though they live with me full-time, and I had no idea I could change this until recently. What's been really helpful is documenting EVERYTHING - not just the big expenses like rent and groceries, but also the smaller daily costs that add up: school lunch money, gas for driving them to activities, co-pays for doctor visits, even things like haircuts and new shoes when they outgrow their old ones. I started keeping a detailed log with dates and amounts, which really shows the reality of who's actually supporting these kids day-to-day. One thing that surprised me during my research is that SSA doesn't automatically monitor how representative payees are using the funds unless someone reports a problem. So your ex could theoretically be using that money for whatever he wants without any oversight. That's why the SSA-11 form process exists - to ensure the money is going to whoever can best serve the children's interests. I haven't filed my SSA-11 yet but plan to do it next week. Reading everyone's experiences here has given me the confidence that this is absolutely the right thing to do for my kids. Those benefits should be helping with their actual living expenses, not sitting in someone else's account or funding their parent's lifestyle. Keep fighting for what's right - our kids deserve to have these benefits used for their intended purpose!

I'm new to this situation but unfortunately dealing with something very similar. My ex started getting SSDI last month and I just found out he's automatically became the representative payee for our twin daughters' benefits even though they've lived with me exclusively for over two years. I had no clue this was even possible! Reading through everyone's experiences here has been both eye-opening and frustrating. It sounds like this happens way more often than it should. I'm definitely going to file the SSA-11 form, but I'm worried about the timeline since I'm already behind on some bills and could really use those benefits to help with the girls' expenses. One question - has anyone had success getting an emergency or expedited review? My ex just bought a motorcycle last week while telling me he can't contribute to daycare costs, and I'm wondering if evidence like that might help speed up the process. The girls need new car seats and winter gear, and I'm struggling to cover everything on my own. Thank you all for sharing your stories and advice - it gives me hope that I can actually fix this situation for my daughters!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this - it's unfortunately more common than it should be. As someone who went through a similar battle last year, I want to emphasize that you absolutely have the right to request becoming the representative payee as the custodial parent. A few key things that helped in my case: First, gather every piece of documentation showing the kids live with you full-time - school enrollment records, medical records with your address, any custody agreements. Second, create a detailed monthly budget showing exactly how you'll use the benefits for housing, food, clothing, and other necessities. Third, document any evidence that your ex isn't using the funds appropriately for the children. When I filed my SSA-11, I also included a letter explaining the financial hardship the current arrangement was causing and how it was affecting the children's wellbeing. The investigator told me later that this personal statement really helped them understand the urgency of the situation. One practical tip - if you're having trouble getting through to SSA by phone, try calling right when they open at 7am or during lunch hours when call volume is typically lower. You can also visit your local field office in person, which is often more effective than trying to handle everything over the phone. Don't let your ex intimidate you about fighting this. Those benefits belong to your children, and they should be going to whoever is actually caring for them day-to-day. You've got this!

I'm dealing with this exact same situation right now and wanted to add something that might be helpful - when you file your SSA-11 form, ask specifically about getting a "payee accounting" from your ex. SSA can require current payees to provide detailed records of how they've been spending the benefits money. In my case, when SSA requested this accounting from my ex, he couldn't provide adequate documentation showing the money was being used for our kids' needs. This actually strengthened my case significantly because it demonstrated he wasn't properly managing the funds for their benefit. Also, I learned that if there's a significant change in living arrangements (like kids moving to live with the other parent full-time), SSA is supposed to review the payee designation automatically, but this often doesn't happen unless someone specifically requests it. So don't feel bad that this wasn't caught earlier - the system isn't perfect and relies on parents advocating for their children. One more thing - document any communications where your ex acknowledges that the kids live with you full-time. Text messages, emails, even social media posts can serve as evidence of the living arrangement. This helped establish my case without needing to rely solely on formal custody documents. You're absolutely doing the right thing by pursuing this. Those benefits are meant to help with your children's daily living expenses, and they should be going to whoever is actually providing that care. Stay strong and don't give up!

I'm new to this community and unfortunately finding myself in a very similar situation. My ex recently started receiving SSDI benefits and somehow became the representative payee for our son's auxiliary benefits, even though my son has lived with me full-time for the past 18 months under our custody agreement. Reading through all these comments has been both enlightening and infuriating - it's shocking how common this problem is! I had no idea that whoever applies first often becomes the payee by default, regardless of custody arrangements. My ex never even told me that our son was eligible for these benefits. The most frustrating part is that I've been covering all of my son's expenses - housing, food, clothing, medical co-pays, school supplies, extracurricular activities - while struggling financially as a single parent. Meanwhile, my ex has been receiving what I now understand is around $800-900 monthly in benefits that should be helping with these costs. After reading everyone's advice, I'm planning to file the SSA-11 form this week. I've already started gathering documentation - custody papers, school enrollment records, medical appointment records, and receipts for all the expenses I've been covering. I also have text messages where my ex has acknowledged that our son lives with me and that I handle all his daily needs. Thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences and practical advice. It gives me hope that I can actually change this situation and get the benefits redirected to where they can actually help support my son. I'll keep you all updated on how the process goes!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this frustrating situation! As someone who works with families navigating Social Security issues, I can tell you that your case is unfortunately very common, but absolutely fixable. The key thing to understand is that auxiliary benefits (what your kids receive based on your ex's SSDI record) are meant to help support the children where they actually live and receive care. SSA does have a strong preference for custodial parents to be the representative payee, but as others have mentioned, they don't automatically know custody arrangements unless informed. When you file your SSA-11 form, I'd recommend requesting an in-person interview at your local field office rather than trying to handle this over the phone. Bring everything - custody documents, school records, medical records with your address, receipts showing you're covering their expenses, and any communications from your ex acknowledging the kids live with you. Also document the financial impact this is having on the children. If they're going without necessities while their benefits are going elsewhere, that's exactly what SSA needs to see. The $1,850 monthly should be helping with rent, groceries, clothing, and other needs for kids who live with you 100% of the time. One more tip - if your ex tries to claim he's "saving" the money for the kids' future, know that SSA typically doesn't accept this argument when current needs aren't being met. Benefits are meant for present support, not long-term savings. Stay strong and advocate for your children - you're absolutely doing the right thing!

I'm really sorry you're going through this - it's such a common but frustrating situation that shouldn't happen. As someone who just went through this process successfully, I wanted to share a few things that really helped my case. First, when you file your SSA-11, make sure to emphasize the URGENCY of your situation. You mentioned struggling to make ends meet while your ex gets $1,850 monthly - that's a significant amount that should be helping with rent, utilities, food, and other necessities for kids who live with you full-time. SSA needs to understand the immediate financial impact this is having on the children's wellbeing. Second, create a simple timeline showing when your custody arrangement was established versus when your ex became the payee. This helps demonstrate that SSA made the payee decision without full knowledge of the living situation. In my case, this timeline really helped the investigator understand why the change was necessary. Also, don't underestimate the power of school records as evidence. Teachers, counselors, and administrators can provide statements confirming where the kids actually live and who handles their day-to-day needs. This third-party verification carries a lot of weight with SSA. One last thing - be prepared for your ex to potentially claim he needs time to "transition" the benefits or that he's been saving money for the kids. SSA sees through these delay tactics, especially when you can show you're covering all current expenses. Stay firm that this needs to be resolved quickly. You're absolutely doing the right thing for your children. Those benefits are meant to help support them where they actually live and receive care. Don't give up!

I just wanted to add some encouragement as someone who successfully changed from being in your exact situation. I was the custodial parent of two kids whose non-custodial father was receiving their auxiliary benefits while contributing nothing to their daily expenses. The process took about 2 months from filing SSA-11 to getting the benefits switched, but it was absolutely worth it. What really helped was keeping a detailed expense journal for about 3 weeks before filing - I tracked every single thing I spent on the kids, from groceries to gas for school pickup to doctor copays. This created a clear picture of who was actually supporting them financially. Also, don't be afraid to be very direct in your written statement about the financial hardship. I wrote something like "These benefits totaling $X per month should be helping with my children's rent, food, and clothing costs, but instead I'm struggling to afford their basic needs while their father uses this money for his own purposes." SSA responded much better to specific, concrete language than vague complaints. One practical tip: if you have trouble getting an appointment at your local office, try calling different field offices in your area. Some have better availability than others, and this is too important to wait weeks for an appointment. Good luck - you're going to win this!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this frustrating situation! As someone who just went through a very similar experience, I want you to know that you absolutely have the right to become the representative payee as the custodial parent. When I was in your shoes, what really helped was creating a comprehensive packet for my SSA-11 filing that included: detailed custody documentation, school enrollment records showing my address, medical records from appointments I took the kids to, and most importantly - a month-by-month expense breakdown showing exactly what I was spending on housing, food, clothing, and other necessities for the children. One thing I wish I'd known earlier is that you can request an expedited review if you can demonstrate immediate financial hardship affecting the children's wellbeing. Since you mentioned struggling with basic needs like winter clothes while your ex receives $1,850 monthly, definitely emphasize this urgency in your application. Also, document any evidence of your ex using the benefits inappropriately - social media posts about expensive purchases, text messages where he refuses to help with school costs, anything that shows the money isn't being used for the children's benefit. This really strengthened my case. The process took about 10 weeks for me, but it was absolutely worth it. Those benefits are meant to help support your kids where they actually live and receive daily care. Don't let your ex's potential pushback discourage you - you're advocating for your children's wellbeing and that's exactly what any good parent should do. You've got this!