Based on everything you've shared, here's a step-by-step plan that combines the best advice from this thread: 1. Call SSA using Claimyr (to avoid the wait) and request BOTH the formal written denial explanation AND the specific calculation worksheets mentioned (PEBES/SSNBF and spousal benefit worksheet) 2. Return to your Senator's office with copies of all your documentation AND the information you receive from step 1, requesting a senior caseworker who specializes in federal benefits 3. Simultaneously contact your House Representative to open a second Congressional inquiry with the specific questions you want answered 4. Contact your local AARP chapter for additional advocacy support 5. If all else fails within 30 days, consider contacting the SSA Inspector General's office The key is to pursue multiple avenues simultaneously while gathering the specific documentation needed for a formal appeal. Remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease in these situations!

I went through something very similar about 6 months ago, and what finally broke the logjam was getting a referral to a Social Security disability attorney who also handles retirement benefit disputes. I know it sounds expensive, but many of them work on contingency for these cases - they only get paid if they recover additional benefits for you. The attorney I worked with had direct contacts within SSA and knew exactly which forms to file and which specific regulations to cite. Within 3 weeks of hiring them, I had my spousal benefit corrected and received a lump sum payment for the months I should have been receiving it. If you're interested, I can share the name of the firm I used (they handle cases nationwide). Sometimes having professional representation is what it takes to get SSA to take your case seriously instead of just giving you the runaround. Also, document EVERYTHING from here forward - dates, times, names of representatives you speak with, reference numbers. This documentation becomes crucial if you do end up needing to pursue formal appeals or legal action.

One more thing to understand: The "top-off" spousal benefit (getting the difference between your benefit and half of your spouse's) requires that your spouse is already receiving their retirement benefit. If your spouse is only receiving SSDI but hasn't converted to retirement benefits yet, that might cause confusion in the application process. Just something to check if the representative seems confused about your eligibility when you call back.

I'm dealing with something similar right now! Applied for spousal benefits two weeks ago, went through the whole SSI screening even though I clearly stated we have too much in assets to qualify. The rep said I'd get a letter about scheduling my spousal benefit appointment, but so far I've only received the predictable SSI denial letter. Reading through everyone's experiences here, it sounds like I need to be more proactive about following up rather than waiting around. It's frustrating that this seems to be such a common issue - you'd think they could streamline the process better so people don't fall through the cracks between different benefit programs.

One last thing - when you do apply for survivor benefits, bring both your marriage certificate AND your husband's death certificate to your appointment. If you're applying online, you'll need to upload both. Sometimes they also want to see your birth certificate to verify your age, so have that ready too.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Nolan. Going through this process while grieving is incredibly difficult. Just wanted to add that when you order your certified marriage certificate, make sure it's the "long form" or "certified copy" - not just a "short form" or "abstract." SSA is pretty specific about needing the full certified copy with all the original information and official seals. Also, if you're over 60 or disabled, you may be eligible for reduced survivor benefits before full retirement age, so don't wait if you need the income. The SSA has a survivors benefits calculator on their website that can give you an estimate of what you might receive. Take care of yourself during this process.

After reading through all this, I can see why this is confusing. Look at it this way: if your late husband's benefit would be around $2,500/month at his full retirement age, and your own benefit might only be $1,400/month, that's a $1,100 monthly difference - or $13,200 per year. Over 20+ years of retirement, that's a quarter million dollars at stake. No wonder people are telling you to wait. But this is also why talking to SSA directly is so important - those numbers I just made up might be completely different in your actual situation.

I went through this exact situation 8 years ago and chose to wait until 60 to remarry. Best financial decision I ever made! My late husband's survivor benefit is about $1,800/month, which is way more than I would have gotten on my own record or as a spouse. Here's what really helped me: I went to my local Social Security office in person (avoid the phone lines if possible) and asked them to run the numbers for all my options. They were actually very helpful once I got face-to-face with someone. Bring your late husband's death certificate, your marriage certificate, and your Social Security cards. Also, talk to your boyfriend about this openly. If he truly loves you, he'll understand that waiting makes financial sense for both of your futures. My husband (we married on my 60th birthday!) was completely supportive because he realized it meant more security for both of us in retirement. Six years might seem long, but it goes by faster than you think, and the peace of mind is worth it.

One final point that might be helpful for your planning: Since your wife doesn't have her own work record, you might want to maximize your own Social Security earnings base. This would mean trying to have your highest 35 years of earnings be as high as possible, since that's what your potential survivor benefits would be based on. Additionally, if you're looking at overall family financial security, consider whether your wife might return to work part-time when the children are older. Even earning just 40 credits (which can be done with 10 years of even part-time work) would provide her with her own retirement benefit and create potential survivor benefits.

This is such an important discussion that highlights a real gap in our social safety net. As someone who works in financial planning, I see this situation frequently. One thing I'd add is that you might want to look into whether your state has any additional survivor benefit programs or whether your employer offers any survivor benefits through group life insurance that could help fill this gap. Also, since your wife has 12 credits from her previous work, she's actually closer to qualifying than many people realize. If she does decide to return to work part-time, she'd only need 28 more credits (about 7 years of earning at least the minimum required - which in 2024 is just $1,730 per quarter). Even working 15-20 hours a week at minimum wage could get her there over time. The key is understanding that Social Security was designed as a foundation, not a complete safety net. Private life insurance and other planning tools become even more critical for families with stay-at-home parents.