Quick update for you - I checked with a colleague who works at our local SSA office. These questions about former spouses are standard procedure, especially for marriages lasting over 10 years (which yours did at 12 years). Since you're eligible for either benefits on your own record OR potentially spousal benefits on your ex-wife's record (whichever is higher), they need to verify the relationship. Not remembering her birthday isn't grounds for denial. They'll verify her information in their system and proceed with your application. No need to worry about this particular issue.

I went through something very similar about 6 months ago! The SSA agent asked me about my ex-husband's middle name and his mother's address from when we were married 15 years ago. I had absolutely no clue and felt so embarrassed. But honestly, they approved my benefits without any issues. What really helped me was staying calm and being completely honest about what I did and didn't remember. The agent even told me afterward that they ask these questions to verify relationships exist, not to test perfect recall. They have their own databases to cross-check everything anyway. One thing that might help - if you have any old tax returns where you filed jointly, those can serve as additional proof of your marriage. I brought mine just in case and it seemed to help move things along faster. Don't stress too much about this - forgetting personal details about someone you divorced over a decade ago is completely normal and understandable!

Just to add one more technical detail - the DRC rate is 2/3 of 1% per month, which works out to 8% per year for each full year you delay. So in the original poster's case, if they suspend from age 68 to 70, they'd get approximately 16% increase from the DRCs earned during suspension (plus any COLAs that occur during that period). Also important: while benefits are suspended, any benefits payable to others on your record (like spousal benefits) are also suspended, except for divorced spouse benefits. Make sure that doesn't impact your situation.

I'm so glad you posted this question because I was literally in the exact same boat last month! I started my benefits at 67.5, collected for about 6 months, then decided to suspend to maximize my lifetime benefits. The first rep I spoke with was super knowledgeable and walked me through the whole process, explaining how I'd earn DRCs during suspension. But then I called back a few weeks later with a question and got a completely different story from another rep who seemed to think suspension and withdrawal were the same thing. What really helped me was going to my local SSA office in person with printed pages from ssa.gov showing the official policy on voluntary suspension after FRA. The local office staff seemed much more knowledgeable than the phone reps, and they were able to pull up my record and confirm everything was processed correctly as a voluntary suspension (not administrative). One tip: when you call, specifically use the phrase "voluntary suspension after Full Retirement Age to earn Delayed Retirement Credits" - this seems to help the reps understand exactly what you're talking about. And definitely get that written confirmation! You did nothing wrong, and you'll absolutely get those DRCs when you restart at 70.

If restructuring isn't possible, you might consider calculating how much this will put you over the limit. Remember, for every $2 you earn above the annual limit, your benefits are reduced by $1. So if your car allowance is $9,000/year, and that puts you $5,000 over the limit, you'd only lose $2,500 in benefits. Depending on your other income and benefits amount, it might still be worthwhile to keep the arrangement.

I'm dealing with a similar situation but with a company phone allowance instead of car allowance. From what I've learned researching this, the IRS has specific rules about what qualifies as an "accountable plan" that @Benjamin Carter mentioned. Your employer needs to have a formal policy requiring you to substantiate expenses with receipts and return any unused amounts. If they just give you a flat $750 regardless of what you actually spend, it's definitely going to be taxable income that counts toward the earnings test. I'd suggest asking HR to show you their current policy in writing - if it doesn't meet IRS accountable plan requirements, you'll know for sure it counts as income for Social Security purposes.

Thanks everyone for the helpful information! I'm definitely going to go ahead with applying for spousal benefits after we get married. Just to make sure I understand correctly: I'll continue to receive my current benefit plus the difference to make it up to 50% of his benefit, and there's no waiting period to apply once we're married. I'll make sure to bring our marriage certificate to the SSA office. And I appreciate the reminder about survivor benefits too - that gives me peace of mind for the future.

Just wanted to add one more practical tip - when you go to the SSA office to apply for spousal benefits, I'd recommend calling ahead to make an appointment rather than just walking in. The wait times can be really long without an appointment, especially at the beginning of the month when a lot of people are dealing with benefit issues. Also, bring a copy of your marriage certificate in addition to the original, as they sometimes like to keep a copy for their records. The whole process should be pretty straightforward since you're already in their system receiving your own benefits. Good luck with your wedding and the benefit increase!

Just wanted to add one more thing that might help - when you do apply, make sure to ask about Medicare enrollment too since you'll be turning 65 in a few years. If you're not getting employer insurance through your retail job anyway, you might want to understand the timeline for Medicare Part B enrollment to avoid any late penalties later. Also, I noticed you mentioned taking care of your mom with dementia - you might want to look into whether you qualify for any caregiver support programs in your area. Some states have respite care or other assistance that could help with the financial and physical burden. The Area Agency on Aging in your county would be a good place to start. Your situation sounds really challenging but it's clear you're making the responsible choice given your circumstances. Don't feel bad about taking benefits early when you genuinely need them - that's exactly what the program is there for.

I just wanted to add one more practical tip that helped me when I applied for benefits - if you run into any issues with the online application or need to upload documents, you can also mail them to your local SSA office. Sometimes the online document upload feature doesn't work properly, and mailing can be more reliable. Also, since you mentioned having trouble getting through on the phone, another option is to schedule an appointment at your local Social Security office if you need to speak with someone in person. You can do this online at ssa.gov even if the phone lines are busy. Sometimes having that face-to-face conversation can help clarify any remaining questions about your specific situation. Your story really resonates with me - so many of us end up in these sandwich generation situations caring for both elderly parents and helping with grandchildren. You're doing an amazing job juggling everything, and taking your Social Security benefits early so you can focus on your family is absolutely the right decision. The extra income will make such a difference in your ability to provide the care your loved ones need.