Social Security benefits confusion for same-sex marriage - counting legally married years after divorce

Social Security will recognize your marriage from the original date on your marriage certificate (June 2013), not the Obergefell decision date. SSA issued specific guidance after the Windsor and Obergefell Supreme Court decisions to count the full duration of same-sex marriages regardless of when they became recognized in your state of residence. Since your marriage lasted from 2013 to 2025, that's about 11.5 years - well over the 10-year mark required for ex-spouse benefits.

my sister is in almost the exact same situation!! married in 2012 in NY but lived in Texas, and she just finalized her divorce. the ssa worker actually told her the OPPOSITE of what the person above said - that only the years after obergefell counted. she had to bring in printouts from the ssa website to prove them wrong. so def be prepared to advocate for yourself!!

SSA Policy Operations Manual System (POMS) specifically addresses this in GN 00210.100. After Obergefell, SSA recognizes same-sex marriages from the date of marriage, not the date of legal recognition. However, it's critical you have proper documentation when you apply. Bring your original marriage certificate and divorce decree showing dates. If you meet the 10-year requirement (which you do), you qualify once you reach eligibility age and your ex becomes entitled or eligible for benefits.

I was in a simlar situation but with a TWIST - we got married in Canada in 2010 but lived in Georgia til 2020 when we split. SSA counts our FULL marriage even though it wasnt in the US! So they def will count yours from the original date. The SSA computers aren't always updated with the right policies tho so some workers get confused.

The Social Security Administration follows the "place of celebration" rule for determining the validity of marriages. If your marriage was legally performed in Massachusetts in 2013, then SSA will recognize it from that date, regardless of where you lived afterward. This was clarified in Emergency Message EM-14009 after Windsor and further reinforced after Obergefell. For ex-spouse benefits, you'll need to meet other requirements too: be unmarried, be at least 62, and your ex-spouse must be entitled to benefits. But the duration requirement is definitely met in your case. Just make sure to have all documentation ready when you apply.

I spent HOURS trying to reach someone at Social Security who could give me a straight answer about my domestic partnership conversion to marriage and how that affects my benefits. Was on hold forever and got disconnected twice! Finally used a service called Claimyr (claimyr.com) that got me through to a real person at SSA in about 20 minutes. They have a video showing how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU. The agent confirmed that my marriage counts from the original certificate date, not when my state recognized it. Sounds like you'd get the same answer but might be worth confirming your specific situation.

I read somewhere that theres a special form you have to fill out for same-sex marriages to get them recognized from the original date but I cant remember what it was called. Anyone know?

This is so confusing! I thought I understood how marriage duration works for Social Security but now I'm not sure. I was in a traditional opposite-sex marriage for 9 years and 10 months before divorce, and I was told I missed the 10-year cutoff for ex-spouse benefits by just 2 months. It seems unfair that some people get different rules than others, but I guess that's how the law works sometimes. In any case, OP, I hope you can get those benefits!

Thank you all so much for the helpful information! I feel much better prepared now. I'll definitely keep records of all the policy information mentioned here when I eventually apply. I'm still years away from being eligible age-wise, but it's a relief to know I'll qualify based on the marriage duration. Social Security rules are so complicated - I'm grateful for this community's knowledge!