I'm a newcomer here but wanted to add my voice of support - you are absolutely making the right choice for yourself and your peace of mind. I haven't personally gone through this with SSA yet, but I completely understand your desire for complete independence from your ex. After reading through all these responses, it's clear that while SSA makes this process challenging, it's definitely possible. The advice about using specific terminology like "restrict the scope of my application," "voluntary restriction of benefits," and "withdraw my deemed filing" seems invaluable. What strikes me most is how many people here truly understand that this isn't about the money - it's about your right to complete autonomy and closure. The fact that you have to fight so hard for something that should be a simple personal choice is frustrating, but don't let SSA wear you down. Your mental health and independence are worth more than any additional monthly payment. Keep all the great advice from this thread handy when you call back, and remember that persistence will pay off!

I'm new to this community but I wanted to share some additional perspective as someone who works in benefits administration (not SSA, but similar federal programs). What you're experiencing is unfortunately very common - the SSA's training focuses heavily on maximizing benefits for claimants, so representatives often struggle with requests to decline benefits. One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is that you might want to ask specifically for a "Withdrawal of Application" form if they've already processed the spousal benefits portion. This is different from restricting the initial scope and might be necessary if they've already deemed you to have filed for both types of benefits. Also, consider reaching out to your local SSA office's Public Affairs Specialist if you continue to hit roadblocks. They often have more experience with unusual requests and can help ensure your case gets handled properly. Your desire for complete financial independence is completely valid, and you shouldn't have to justify it to anyone. The fact that so many people in this thread have successfully navigated this process proves it can be done - you just need to find the right representative who knows the procedures. Stay strong and don't let them pressure you into accepting something you don't want!

I'm going through a very similar situation right now! My mom is planning to file for spousal benefits next year too, and I've been worried sick about how it might affect my DAC benefits. Reading through all these responses has been incredibly helpful - I had no idea about some of these details like the different family maximum calculations for SSDI vs retirement benefits, or that there might be state supplemental programs available. One thing I wanted to add that might help you (and others in similar situations) - I found out that some Social Security field offices will do "what if" calculations over the phone if you ask specifically. They can tell you hypothetically what would happen to your benefits if another person were added to the record. It might be worth asking for this when you call. Also, if you're comfortable sharing, it would be really helpful if you could update this thread once you get the actual numbers from SSA. I'm sure there are other people in similar situations who would benefit from knowing how the process went and what kind of timeline to expect. Thanks for posting this question - it's made me realize I need to stop putting off making that call to SSA myself!

I'm a benefits counselor who works with families navigating these exact situations, and I wanted to add a few practical points that might help: First, when you call SSA, ask to speak with a "technical expert" rather than just the general customer service line. They're specifically trained in complex family maximum calculations and can give you more precise information. Second, it's worth noting that family maximum reductions are calculated monthly, so if your mom files mid-month, the reduction might not take effect until the following month. This could give you a little breathing room. Also, I've seen cases where the family maximum calculation was initially done incorrectly by SSA, resulting in larger reductions than necessary. If your benefits are reduced and the amount seems unusually high, don't hesitate to request a manual review of the calculation. One thing that often surprises people is that if your father's SSDI converts to retirement benefits when he reaches full retirement age, the family maximum calculation changes again - usually in a way that's more favorable to auxiliary beneficiaries. So any reduction you experience now might not be permanent. Finally, keep detailed records of all your conversations with SSA, including dates, times, and the names of representatives you speak with. This documentation can be invaluable if you need to follow up or appeal any decisions. You're being very smart by planning ahead - most families I work with wish they had done what you're doing now!

I'm so sorry for your loss, Honorah. Reading through all these responses, I'm amazed by how helpful this community has been in explaining CIC benefits. As someone who recently went through the SSA application process (though for disability, not survivor benefits), I wanted to add one small tip that saved me a lot of frustration: when you do get through to a representative, ask them for their direct extension or callback number if they have one. Some agents can schedule a follow-up call rather than making you go through the main number again if you need clarification on anything. Not all of them offer this, but it's worth asking! Also, keep a little notebook specifically for all your SSA interactions - date, time, representative name, what was discussed. It helped me stay organized when things got confusing. You're being so strong through all of this, and your kids are lucky to have you fighting for them. The process is frustrating but the benefits really will help your family. Sending you strength! ❤️

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss, Honorah. As someone who went through this exact process 18 months ago when I lost my spouse, I want to assure you that everything everyone has shared here is spot-on advice. The CIC benefits were absolutely crucial for my family during those first difficult months. One thing I'd add that helped me immensely: if you have a local Social Security office, consider making an in-person appointment even if it takes a few weeks to get in. I found the in-person representatives were more thorough and patient than the phone agents, and they walked me through both applications (yours AND the children's) at the same time. Plus, they photocopied all my documents right there instead of me having to mail originals. Also, don't be discouraged if the first person you talk to doesn't seem fully knowledgeable about CIC benefits - I had to speak with two different representatives before finding one who really understood the child-in-care provisions. Sometimes asking to speak with a "survivor benefits specialist" can help get you connected to someone with more expertise. The earnings limit situation with your teaching salary is manageable - even a reduced benefit is still money that will help your family. And remember, your kids' benefits aren't affected by your income at all, which is huge. You're doing everything right by gathering information and asking questions. This community's advice will serve you well. Take care of yourself during this process - you're stronger than you know. 💙

Most banks actually do let you download and explore their mobile apps without creating an account - you can see the interface and navigation, though obviously you won't have real account data to view. I'd recommend downloading a few apps (Ally, SoFi, Capital One 360, etc.) and just clicking around to see which interface feels most intuitive to you. You can also check out YouTube videos where people do walkthroughs of different banking apps - that's how I compared options before switching. Some banks even have live chat on their websites where you can ask specific questions about mobile features. It's definitely worth doing this homework upfront since you'll be using whatever system you choose for years to come!

I'm dealing with the same frustration! Just applied for my benefits last month and was shocked to learn about the single account limitation. What really gets me is that even my local grocery store can split payments between multiple cards, but the federal government can't split a deposit in 2025? After reading through all these responses, I'm definitely going to look into the credit union option and those banks with virtual sub-accounts. The Capital One 360 bucket system sounds particularly appealing since I like the idea of percentage-based allocation. One question for those who've made the switch - how long did it take to get comfortable with the new system? I'm worried about the learning curve of managing everything differently after decades of having my paycheck automatically split. Also, did anyone run into any issues when they first switched their direct deposit with SSA, or was that process pretty straightforward?

I'm currently 68 and receiving survivor benefits after my husband passed away last year. This entire thread has been absolutely incredible - I've learned more here in 30 minutes than I did in hours of trying to navigate the SSA website! The consistency of advice is really striking - especially the 8 AM calling strategy, the specific phrase about "converting" benefits, and the 3-4 month advance timing. I'm taking detailed notes on everything and feel so much more prepared now. One question I have that I don't think has been covered: has anyone dealt with this conversion if they're also receiving benefits from a deceased spouse who had both Social Security and Railroad Retirement benefits? My husband worked for the railroad for 12 years before switching to regular employment. I'm currently receiving survivor benefits through Social Security, but I'm wondering if the railroad time complicates the conversion calculations at all. Also, I absolutely love the practice call idea! I'm definitely going to try that in about 18 months when I start preparing for my own conversion. The thought of having a "dress rehearsal" makes this whole process feel so much less intimidating. Thank you to everyone who has shared such detailed experiences - this community support is amazing and exactly what I needed to feel confident about this transition!

I went through a similar situation with my late husband's mixed Railroad/Social Security work history! The good news is that if you're currently receiving Social Security survivor benefits (rather than Railroad Retirement survivor benefits), then your conversion at 70 will be handled entirely through Social Security and the railroad years shouldn't complicate the process. However, I'd strongly recommend doing that practice call you mentioned to confirm which system is handling your benefits and to verify your estimated retirement benefit calculation. When my husband passed, I had to choose between Railroad Retirement survivor benefits and Social Security survivor benefits - I chose Social Security because it was higher at the time. When I converted to my own retirement benefits at 70, it was all handled through SSA and went smoothly. One thing to double-check: make sure all of your late husband's Social Security-covered earnings (the non-railroad years) are properly recorded in SSA's system. Sometimes there can be discrepancies when someone has both types of work history. The practice call really will help clarify everything and give you peace of mind. You're smart to start planning early - having those 18 months to prepare and fix any potential issues is such an advantage!