I'm so sorry for your loss, Jacob. This is definitely one of the most difficult aspects of Social Security's survivor benefit rules. As others have mentioned, you're correct that remarrying before age 60 would end your eligibility for survivor benefits from your deceased wife. I know it feels frustrating to have your personal life decisions tied to government benefits, but the financial impact is significant enough that it's worth carefully considering your timing. At $2,250/month, you'd be giving up over $50,000 if you marry before turning 60. That said, I've seen couples in your situation handle this in different ways - some choose to have commitment ceremonies, domestic partnerships, or simply live together until the survivor reaches 60. Others decide the emotional and personal benefits of marriage outweigh the financial cost. There's no universally "right" answer. My suggestion would be to sit down with your partner and have an open conversation about the numbers and your options. Make sure they understand this isn't about your commitment to them, but about making a practical financial decision that affects both of your futures together. A good partner will want to help you make the choice that's best for your shared long-term security. Whatever you decide, definitely confirm the details with SSA directly before making any final decisions.

I'm a financial planner who has helped many clients navigate this exact situation. The age 60 rule for survivor benefits is unfortunately very rigid - there are no exceptions for "financial hardship" or other circumstances if you're a surviving spouse without minor/disabled children. Since you're 58 now, you're looking at potentially giving up around $54,000 over the next two years if you marry before 60. That's a substantial amount that could significantly impact your retirement security. I'd recommend doing a comprehensive financial analysis that includes: 1) Your current survivor benefit vs. what your own retirement benefit would be at different claiming ages, 2) Your partner's financial situation and ability to help offset the lost income, 3) Other sources of retirement income you both have. Many of my clients in similar situations have opted for commitment ceremonies or domestic partnerships while waiting. It allows them to make their commitment public and official in every way except legally. Some states also have domestic partner registrations that provide many of the same legal protections as marriage without affecting federal benefits. The key is having transparent conversations with your partner about the long-term financial impact on both of your retirements. This decision will affect your household income for decades to come.

I just wanted to share a resource that helped me when I was dealing with family maximum questions - your local SOAR (SSI/SSDI Outreach, Access, and Recovery) program might have benefits counselors who specialize in these exact situations. They're free and really know the ins and outs of how different benefits interact. Also, if you haven't already, you might want to document your current monthly budget and expenses now, so you can quickly identify what adjustments you'll need to make if there is a reduction. Having that baseline will make it easier to plan for any changes. The anxiety of not knowing is really tough, but it sounds like you're handling this so well by getting informed ahead of time. Most people get blindsided by family maximum reductions, so you're already way ahead of the game by planning for this!

I'm going through a very similar situation right now! My mom is planning to file for spousal benefits next year too, and I've been worried sick about how it might affect my DAC benefits. Reading through all these responses has been incredibly helpful - I had no idea about some of these details like the different family maximum calculations for SSDI vs retirement benefits, or that there might be state supplemental programs available. One thing I wanted to add that might help you (and others in similar situations) - I found out that some Social Security field offices will do "what if" calculations over the phone if you ask specifically. They can tell you hypothetically what would happen to your benefits if another person were added to the record. It might be worth asking for this when you call. Also, if you're comfortable sharing, it would be really helpful if you could update this thread once you get the actual numbers from SSA. I'm sure there are other people in similar situations who would benefit from knowing how the process went and what kind of timeline to expect. Thanks for posting this question - it's made me realize I need to stop putting off making that call to SSA myself!

Has anyone received retro payments when they applied for spousal benefits? Like if she qualifies now but didn't know to apply?

I just wanted to update everyone - I finally got through to SSA this morning after trying for days! The agent confirmed I do qualify for a small additional spousal benefit of about $245/month. Not huge, but definitely helpful. They're processing it now and said it should start with my next payment. Thanks everyone for your help explaining this complicated system!

My situation was kinda similar but I was the younger spouse. The key thing is that your benefit at 62 is permanently reduced, but that doesn't prevent you from getting the difference if the spousal benefit would be higher. But if your own benefit is already higher than 50% of his, then there's no extra money to be had. The 35-year marriage definitely qualifies you though - the 10 year rule is only for divorced spouses.

I've been following Social Security issues for years and this is unfortunately a very common problem - many SSA representatives aren't fully trained on the more complex spousal benefit rules. Based on what you've described, you should absolutely be eligible for an evaluation of whether you qualify for additional spousal benefits now that your husband has filed. The key point everyone has made is correct: filing early doesn't disqualify you from spousal benefits, it just means both your own benefit and any potential spousal benefit are reduced. SSA should automatically check your eligibility when your husband filed, but given their track record of errors, I'd recommend calling back and specifically requesting a "manual review of spousal benefit eligibility." Also, make sure to ask them to explain in writing (via mail) why you're not eligible if they deny you again. Sometimes having to document their reasoning forces them to double-check the rules. Don't give up - you've earned these benefits through decades of work and marriage!

Welcome to the community! Don't feel embarrassed at all - these rules are genuinely confusing and you're asking exactly the right questions. I'm a federal retiree who went through this maze a few years ago. Here's the simple breakdown: You'll receive THREE separate monthly payments - your pension ($2,500), your own Social Security (reduced by WEP, probably around $1,600-1,800), and your husband will get his full Social Security ($2,125). So yes, you both get Social Security checks! The key thing to understand is that WEP only reduces YOUR Social Security benefit because you have a pension from work where you didn't pay SS taxes. It doesn't eliminate it entirely, and it doesn't affect your husband's benefit at all. One critical tip: When you apply for Social Security, make sure to tell them about your pension upfront. Don't wait for them to "discover" it later through tax records - that can lead to overpayment situations that are really stressful to deal with. Also consider whether taking benefits at 62 is really the best move financially. That 30% reduction is permanent, and with your pension providing good income, you might be better off waiting until full retirement age for a much higher Social Security benefit. Run the numbers both ways!

Don't worry about feeling confused - these rules are incredibly complex and even SSA employees sometimes give conflicting information! I'm a retired teacher myself and went through this exact situation about 3 years ago. You're getting great advice here, but let me add one practical tip: Create your "my Social Security" account online ASAP if you haven't already. It will show you estimates that factor in WEP, which gives you a much clearer picture of what to expect. Mine showed a reduction from about $2,100 to $1,650 due to WEP. Also, regarding timing - I originally planned to take SS at 62 like you, but after running the numbers with my financial advisor, I waited until 66. The extra $600+ per month for life was worth it since my teacher's pension covered our basic needs. Just something to consider! One last thing - when you do apply, bring documentation of your pension (award letter, pay stub, etc.) to your appointment. Being proactive about this saves headaches later. Good luck with your planning!