To answer your specific question about what happens after your son graduates: The family maximum won't change - it stays tied to your PIA. But with one fewer beneficiary, the amount available will be redistributed. However, there's a special rule called the "pie shrinking rule" that might affect your situation. When a beneficiary stops receiving benefits, sometimes the total auxiliary amount available to remaining beneficiaries actually shrinks slightly rather than staying the same. Rather than trying to calculate this yourself, I strongly recommend requesting a written benefit estimate from SSA that shows what everyone's benefit will be after your son ages out. Make sure to specify that you need an estimate that accounts for the family maximum redistribution when your son turns 19. Ask for this in writing - that way if they calculate it incorrectly, you'll have documentation to support an appeal later.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this frustrating situation! The family maximum benefit calculations are incredibly complex, and unfortunately many SSA representatives don't fully understand them either. One thing I'd suggest is requesting a "Family Maximum Benefit Worksheet" when you speak to a Technical Expert. This is an internal document that shows exactly how they calculated each person's benefit amount and how the family maximum was applied. It's not something they routinely provide, but you have the right to request it. Also, make sure to ask specifically about the timing of when your family members' benefits started. Sometimes there are slight differences in effective dates that can affect the calculations, especially if applications were processed at different times. Given the complexity of your situation with three different types of beneficiaries (child, DAC, and CIC), I'd also recommend asking the Technical Expert to explain which specific sections of the Social Security Act apply to your case. The rules for DAC benefits can be different from regular auxiliary benefits, and that might explain why your daughter's amount seems lower than expected. Keep detailed notes of every conversation and ask for reference numbers for any calculations they provide. If the numbers still don't make sense, you can always file an appeal and request a formal review of the benefit calculations.

Thank you all for the helpful information! It seems clear that my ex-wife has no claim to benefits on my record as long as she remains married. That's a relief to know. My current wife and I are satisfied with our benefit decisions, even though she's receiving a reduced amount by claiming early. One follow-up question - if my ex-wife's current marriage ends and she then claims on my record when she's eligible, would I be notified by SSA? Or would that happen without my knowledge?

Just wanted to add some clarity on the timing aspects since I see some questions about this. Your ex-wife would need to wait until she's at least 62 to claim any ex-spouse benefits (assuming she becomes eligible by being unmarried at that time). Since she's currently 55, that's still 7 years away. Also, regarding notification - you're correct that SSA won't notify you if she ever does file. This is standard practice to protect privacy. The system is designed so that ex-spouse claims are completely separate from your benefits and don't require any input or awareness from you. One small correction to an earlier comment - the 10-year marriage requirement is measured from the date of marriage to the date the divorce was finalized, not just separated. Since you mentioned 19 years of marriage, that requirement is definitely met if the situation ever changes.

@Ali Anderson, you're absolutely correct about the remarriage rules applying to survivor benefits too! And congratulations on your upcoming marriage. One important distinction with surviving divorced spouse benefits that wasn't mentioned yet: you can potentially start collecting them as early as age 60 (compared to age 62 for regular divorced spouse benefits), though they'll be reduced if you take them before your full retirement age. Since you'll be 60 when you remarry, you could theoretically apply for these benefits right away if needed. The benefit amount for survivors is indeed much better - potentially up to 100% of what your ex-husband was receiving or entitled to receive, rather than the 50% maximum for divorced spouse benefits. Given his higher earnings, this could be substantial. I'd definitely echo the advice to get official estimates from SSA before your wedding. Since survivor benefits can start at 60 and you're remarrying right at that age, you'll want to understand your options for timing - whether to apply immediately at 60 (reduced benefits) or wait until your full retirement age for the maximum amount. The timing of your remarriage actually works out perfectly to preserve all your options while still allowing you to marry when you planned. Best wishes!

I've been following this discussion and wanted to share some additional resources that might help everyone here. For those struggling to get through to SSA by phone, you can also visit your local Social Security office in person - sometimes it's faster than waiting on hold for hours. You can find your nearest office at ssa.gov/locator. I'd recommend calling ahead to see if they require appointments, as some offices have shifted to appointment-only since COVID. Also, if you're trying to get benefit estimates, the online "my Social Security" account at ssa.gov is really helpful for seeing your own projected benefits, though as others mentioned, it won't show you what you might be eligible for from an ex-spouse's record. One more tip: if you do end up calling SSA, try calling right when they open at 7 AM local time - the wait times are usually much shorter in the morning. I've had good luck getting through within 15-20 minutes that way versus hours during peak times. The remarriage timing decisions you're all discussing are so important financially - it's worth the effort to get the official numbers to make informed choices!

I'm going through almost this exact same situation right now! Created my MySocialSecurity account about a year ago, forgot all my login details, and have been putting off dealing with it. Reading through all these experiences has been incredibly helpful and reassuring. The overwhelming consensus around trying ID.me verification first is really convincing - so many success stories with quick turnaround times. I especially appreciate the practical tips about lighting for the selfie and making sure to wear/not wear glasses to match your ID photo. One question for those who used ID.me successfully - did you have to remember any information from your original account setup, or does the verification rely entirely on matching your current government ID? I'm worried I might get stuck if they ask for details I've completely forgotten from when I first created the account. Also want to echo the thanks to Dmitry from the SSA office for taking time to share official guidance - knowing that walk-ins are seeing 3-4 hour waits definitely makes the online recovery options much more appealing! Going to try the ID.me route this weekend when I have good natural lighting.

I'm new to this community but wanted to share my experience since I just went through this exact situation last month! I had a MySocialSecurity account from about 2 years ago that I completely forgot how to access - couldn't remember my username, password, or security question answers. I was really dreading the recovery process after hearing horror stories about long wait times and complicated procedures. After reading through similar discussions, I decided to try the ID.me verification route that many people recommended, and I'm so glad I did! The entire process took less than 15 minutes. Here's what made it work smoothly for me: 1) Made sure I had excellent lighting (near a window during daytime) 2) Had my current driver's license ready 3) Wore my glasses since that's how I appear in my license photo 4) Made sure my phone camera was clean for a clear selfie The ID.me system was much more intuitive than I expected. It walks you through each step clearly, and the identity verification happens in real-time. Once verified, I was immediately back into my MySocialSecurity account and could update all my contact information. One thing I learned: definitely don't try to create a new account if you already have one - I've heard that can trigger fraud alerts and cause major delays. The account recovery route is definitely the way to go. For anyone facing this same situation, I'd highly recommend trying the ID.me verification first before calling or visiting an office. Based on my experience and what others have shared, it has a very high success rate and saves a lot of time and frustration. Good luck!

Great decision on waiting until her FRA! Just wanted to add one more consideration that might be helpful - make sure to factor in Medicare costs when doing your calculations. Since your wife is 63, she'll need to bridge health insurance until she's eligible for Medicare at 65. If she's currently on your employer plan or paying for individual coverage, those costs should be part of your decision matrix. Also, when she does file at 67, make sure she applies about 3-4 months before her birthday to avoid any delays in processing. The SSA can be slow, and you don't want to miss any monthly payments due to paperwork delays. You've gotten excellent advice here from the community!

Just want to emphasize something that might get overlooked in all these calculations - don't forget about cost of living adjustments (COLAs)! Both your wife's own retirement benefit and any spousal benefit she receives will get annual COLA increases. So if she waits until 67 and gets that $1,400 spousal benefit, it won't stay at $1,400 - it'll increase each year with inflation adjustments. This makes the "waiting" strategy even more valuable over time since she'll be getting COLAs applied to the higher base amount. Also, since you mentioned trying to reach SSA - their online calculators at ssa.gov can give you pretty accurate estimates without having to wait on hold for hours. You can create a my Social Security account and run different scenarios to see exactly what her benefits would look like at different claiming ages.