Remarrying before age 60 - will I lose ex-spouse Social Security benefits?

Yes, if you remarry before age 60, you permanently lose eligibility for ex-spouse benefits from your former husband's record. The SSA rule is clear on this - once you remarry before 60, that door closes permanently, even if your second marriage later ends in divorce or your new spouse passes away.

I dealt with this exact situation! I was 57 and almost remarried but waited until 60 specifically for this reason. Those 3 years felt long but the financial security was worth it. For me, my ex's benefit would be about $1,250 more per month than my own. That's $15,000 per year - too much to give up! If you remarry before 60, you can NEVER go back to claim on first ex-husband's record, even if your new spouse dies or you divorce again. The only exception would be if your new spouse's benefit is higher, then you could claim on their record after 10 years of marriage.

my sister got remarried at 58 and regrets it SO MUCH. her new husband turned out to have way less SS than her first husband and now shes stuck with lower benefits forever. think carefully!!

I waited to marry until 60 for this exact reason, but my new husband was super understanding about it. We had a long engagement and lived together for those years. Then had a big celebration on my 60th birthday/wedding day! Made it special instead of feeling like we were just waiting.

I'm having the EXACT same struggle right now at 56! My boyfriend proposed but we're trying to figure out if waiting makes financial sense. Hard to find clear info because SSA just says call them, but I've been trying to get through for WEEKS with no luck. I tried that Claimyr service (claimyr.com) after someone on another thread suggested it, and they actually got me connected to a real person at SSA in under 20 minutes! Their video shows how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU The SSA rep confirmed that remarriage before 60 permanently eliminates ex-spouse benefits EVEN IF the second marriage ends. It was a tough conversation to have, but at least now I know the facts.

has anyone concidered that this is DISCRIMATION???!! the government shouldnt be telling us when we can get married! what if your new husband is rich anyway and you dont even need the SS?? makes no sense

This rule about remarriage before 60 ONLY applies to ex-spouse benefits. It's a completely different situation for widow/widower benefits, where you can remarry at age 60 or later. I've seen people get these two situations mixed up before. Also important: have you compared what your own benefit will be vs. what you'd get from your ex-husband? You only get 50% of his benefit as an ex-spouse. If your own work record gives you more than 50% of his, this whole issue might be moot. Check your statement on mySocialSecurity.gov to see your projected benefit.

One strategy to consider: if you're planning to wait until 60 to remarry, make sure you factor in the MONTH not just the year. SSA is very specific about this - if you turn 60 on July 15th but get married on July 14th, you'd permanently lose eligibility. I've seen this trip people up. Also, if your own retirement benefit will eventually be higher than the ex-spouse benefit, you might choose to claim the ex-spouse benefit early (as early as 62) and then switch to your own benefit later when it maximizes (at age 70). This strategy can sometimes provide more lifetime benefits depending on your specific situation.

what about filing for ex-spouse benefits at 62 but not telling SSA about remarriage? do they even check?

Something to consider that I haven't seen mentioned: your ex-husband's work status doesn't matter for your decision timeline. Whether he's working, retired, or even if he hasn't filed for his own benefits yet, you can still claim ex-spouse benefits as long as he's eligible for benefits (meaning he's at least 62) and you've been divorced for at least 2 years (which you have at 3 years). So his continued working doesn't impact your decision of when to remarry - it's purely based on your age at remarriage (before or after 60).

I'm in a similar situation at 57 and have been researching this extensively. One thing that helped me was getting a personalized benefit estimate from SSA that shows exactly what my own retirement benefit would be versus what I'd get as an ex-spouse (50% of his benefit). The key thing I learned is that you need to look at the TOTAL lifetime benefits, not just the monthly amount. For example, if you claim ex-spouse benefits at 62 but they're reduced for early filing, versus waiting until your full retirement age for your own higher benefit - the math can get complex. I'd strongly recommend getting those actual numbers before making any decisions. You might discover that your own benefit will be competitive with the ex-spouse benefit, especially if you continue working for several more years. That could change the entire calculation and remove the pressure to delay your wedding plans. Also consider that Social Security is just one part of retirement planning - if your new partner brings other financial security to the relationship, that might outweigh the potential SS difference. But definitely get the hard numbers first!

I went through this exact decision two years ago at age 58! After getting my actual benefit estimates from SSA, I discovered my ex-spouse benefit would only be about $200 more per month than my own projected benefit. When I factored in that I could delay my own benefit until age 70 for delayed retirement credits (8% per year), my own benefit would actually end up higher. The relief was incredible - I didn't have to choose between love and financial security! We got married on my 59th birthday and I couldn't be happier. My advice: Don't assume the ex-spouse benefit is automatically better. Get your personalized statement from SSA showing both scenarios. If the difference is small, consider whether your partner brings other financial benefits (health insurance, pension, shared living expenses) that might more than make up for a modest SS difference. Sometimes we get so focused on this one rule that we lose sight of the bigger financial picture of the marriage.

I'm dealing with a similar situation right now at 54! Reading through everyone's experiences has been so helpful. What strikes me most is how many people discovered their own projected benefits were closer to (or even higher than) the ex-spouse benefit once they got the actual numbers from SSA. I think there's a tendency to panic about this rule without first checking if it even significantly impacts your specific situation. The "get married at 60" advice makes sense when there's a large gap between benefits, but as several people mentioned, if you're continuing to work and can delay your own benefits until 70, those delayed retirement credits really add up. One thing I'm curious about - for those who did wait until 60 to remarry, how did you handle things like health insurance coverage during those waiting years? That's another financial factor I'm trying to weigh in my decision. The key takeaway seems to be: get your personalized benefit estimates first, then make an informed decision rather than defaulting to waiting based on fear of the unknown!

Reading through all these experiences has been incredibly eye-opening! As someone who's been dreading this decision, I'm realizing I've been putting the cart before the horse by worrying about the remarriage timing without even knowing my actual benefit projections. The consensus seems clear: get your personalized estimates from SSA first before making any major life decisions. So many of you discovered the gap between your own benefits and ex-spouse benefits was much smaller than expected, especially when factoring in delayed retirement credits if you can work until 70. I'm also struck by how many additional factors people mentioned beyond just the monthly SS amount - health insurance, shared living expenses, your partner's overall financial situation, and other retirement assets. It's easy to get tunnel vision on this one rule and forget about the bigger financial picture of marriage. For those who did wait until 60, it sounds like having an understanding partner who was willing to have a longer engagement made all the difference. And for those who didn't wait, most seemed relieved once they ran the actual numbers. I'm going to take everyone's advice and contact SSA for my personalized benefit statement comparing both scenarios. Thank you all for sharing such detailed and honest experiences - this thread has been more helpful than anything I've found elsewhere online!

This has been such an informative thread! I'm 56 and facing the exact same dilemma. What really stands out to me from everyone's experiences is how crucial it is to get your actual benefit projections before making this decision. I've been assuming my ex-spouse benefit would be significantly higher since I had several years out of the workforce for childcare, but after reading about people discovering smaller gaps than expected, I realize I need to stop assuming and start calculating. The point about delayed retirement credits is especially important - if I can work until 70, that 8% per year increase from age 67-70 could potentially make my own benefit competitive with the ex-spouse benefit. Plus, as others mentioned, there are so many other financial factors that come with marriage beyond just Social Security. I'm going to request my personalized benefit statement from SSA this week. Even if there is a significant difference, at least I'll be making an informed choice rather than just worrying about unknowns. Thank you everyone for sharing your real experiences - this is exactly the kind of practical advice that's been impossible to find elsewhere!

I'm 52 and just went through this exact calculation process! Like so many others here, I was terrified about losing ex-spouse benefits and almost put my relationship on hold. But when I finally got my personalized benefit estimate from SSA, I discovered something surprising. My own projected benefit at full retirement age was only about $300 less than the ex-spouse benefit would be. When I factored in that I could work until 70 and get those delayed retirement credits (32% increase total), my own benefit would actually be higher! Plus my fiancé has excellent health insurance that would save me $400/month compared to what I'm paying now. The math was clear - waiting until 60 would actually cost us money overall when considering the full financial picture. We're getting married next month and I couldn't be happier with the decision. My biggest advice: don't let fear drive this choice. Get your actual SSA benefit projections for both scenarios, factor in your partner's financial contributions (health insurance, shared expenses, retirement savings), and make an informed decision. You might be surprised like I was! The "wait until 60" rule makes sense for some situations, but definitely not all.

Wow, this thread has been incredibly helpful! I'm 54 and in a very similar situation - engaged but worried about the Social Security implications. Reading everyone's real experiences has completely changed my perspective on this decision. What strikes me most is how many people discovered that getting their actual benefit projections from SSA revealed a much smaller gap than they feared between their own benefits and ex-spouse benefits. The delayed retirement credit strategy seems particularly powerful - that 8% per year increase from full retirement age to 70 can really add up over those three years. I've been so focused on the "lose benefits forever if you remarry before 60" rule that I completely overlooked other financial aspects of marriage that several people mentioned - health insurance savings, shared living expenses, and the partner's overall financial contributions. It's clear I need to look at the complete financial picture, not just this one Social Security rule. My plan is to request my personalized benefit statement from SSA this week to see the actual numbers for both scenarios. Even if there is a meaningful difference, at least I'll be making an informed decision based on facts rather than assumptions and anxiety. Thank you all for sharing such detailed and honest experiences. This thread has provided more practical guidance than anything else I've found online about this situation!

I'm 57 and just discovered this community while researching this exact dilemma! My fiancé proposed last month but I've been hesitant to set a wedding date because of the Social Security concerns. Reading through everyone's experiences here has been incredibly enlightening. What really stands out to me is how many people assumed the worst-case scenario (like I was doing) without actually getting their benefit projections from SSA. The stories of people discovering much smaller gaps than expected, or even finding their own benefits would be higher with delayed retirement credits, have completely shifted my perspective. I've been so fixated on the "remarry before 60 = lose benefits forever" rule that I hadn't considered the broader financial picture of marriage - health insurance, shared expenses, my partner's retirement savings, etc. It's clear I need actual numbers, not assumptions, to make this decision. Planning to contact SSA this week for my personalized benefit statement. Even if my ex-spouse benefit would be significantly higher, at least then I'll know exactly what I'm weighing against the other benefits of marriage. Thank you all for sharing such honest and detailed experiences - this thread has been more valuable than hours of online research!

I'm 59 and went through this exact decision process last year! After reading through all these experiences, I want to add another perspective that might help. Like many others here, I was terrified about losing my ex-spouse benefits and almost delayed my wedding. But when I finally got my actual SSA projections, I discovered something important that hasn't been mentioned much in this thread: the timing of when you claim benefits can be just as crucial as which benefit you're eligible for. Even if your ex-spouse benefit would be higher at full retirement age, you might still come out ahead by claiming it early (at 62) while letting your own benefit grow with delayed retirement credits until 70. Then you could switch to your higher personal benefit. This strategy worked for me because it maximized my total lifetime benefits even though I remarried at 59. The key was getting a comprehensive analysis from SSA that showed projected lifetime benefits under different claiming strategies, not just the monthly amounts at full retirement age. I also factored in my fiancé's excellent health insurance (saved me $350/month) and the fact that we could share housing costs. Bottom line: don't assume waiting until 60 is automatically the right choice without running ALL the numbers first. Sometimes the math surprises you in a good way!

I'm 56 and facing this exact same dilemma! This thread has been absolutely invaluable - thank you all for sharing such detailed experiences. What really strikes me is how many people discovered that their fears about losing significant benefits were much worse than reality once they got actual numbers from SSA. I've been paralyzed by this decision for months, assuming my ex-spouse benefit would be dramatically higher since I took several years off for childcare while my ex had a high-paying career. But reading about the delayed retirement credit strategy has opened my eyes - if I can work until 70, that 32% total increase could potentially make my own benefit competitive. The other financial factors people mentioned are so important too. My partner has excellent health insurance that would save me about $400/month, plus we'd significantly reduce our housing costs by combining households. When I add up these savings over several years, it could easily offset a modest difference in Social Security benefits. I'm requesting my personalized benefit statement from SSA this week to get the actual projections for both scenarios. Even if there is a meaningful gap, at least I'll be making an informed decision based on real data rather than assumptions and anxiety. This community has shown me that we don't have to choose between love and financial security without knowing the true trade-offs first!