Remarrying before age 60 - will I lose ex-spouse Social Security benefits?
I'm seriously considering getting remarried at 55, but concerned about what happens to my Social Security options. My ex-husband (we were married 15 years) is 60 and still working with a good income. I've heard that if I remarry before turning 60, I lose access to his SS benefits when I retire. Is this true? Also wondering about worst-case scenarios (sorry to be morbid): What if my new marriage doesn't work out or my new spouse passes away before we hit the 10-year mark? Would I still be permanently blocked from claiming on my first ex-husband's record? Basically trying to figure out if I should put my wedding plans on hold for 5 years until I turn 60. Sounds ridiculous when I type it out, but retirement security matters too. Has anyone navigated this situation?
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Mateo Hernandez
Yes, if you remarry before age 60, you permanently lose eligibility for ex-spouse benefits from your former husband's record. The SSA rule is clear on this - once you remarry before 60, that door closes permanently, even if your second marriage later ends in divorce or your new spouse passes away.
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Nia Jackson
•That's what I was afraid of... so there's absolutely no way to regain eligibility once I remarry, even if the second marriage ends quickly? That seems so harsh!
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CosmicCruiser
I dealt with this exact situation! I was 57 and almost remarried but waited until 60 specifically for this reason. Those 3 years felt long but the financial security was worth it. For me, my ex's benefit would be about $1,250 more per month than my own. That's $15,000 per year - too much to give up! If you remarry before 60, you can NEVER go back to claim on first ex-husband's record, even if your new spouse dies or you divorce again. The only exception would be if your new spouse's benefit is higher, then you could claim on their record after 10 years of marriage.
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Nia Jackson
•Thank you so much for sharing your experience! $1,250 monthly difference is huge. I haven't checked what the actual numbers would be in my case, but my work history has lots of gaps from raising kids while my ex-husband had a high-paying job throughout. Did you and your partner find a good compromise for the waiting period?
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Aisha Khan
my sister got remarried at 58 and regrets it SO MUCH. her new husband turned out to have way less SS than her first husband and now shes stuck with lower benefits forever. think carefully!!
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Ethan Taylor
•This isn't necessarily true for everyone though. It really depends on your own work record compared to both spouses. Some people have strong enough work histories that their own benefit is higher than anything they'd get from either spouse.
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Yuki Ito
I waited to marry until 60 for this exact reason, but my new husband was super understanding about it. We had a long engagement and lived together for those years. Then had a big celebration on my 60th birthday/wedding day! Made it special instead of feeling like we were just waiting.
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Aisha Khan
•thats actually rly romantic!! might suggest this to my friend in same situation
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Carmen Lopez
I'm having the EXACT same struggle right now at 56! My boyfriend proposed but we're trying to figure out if waiting makes financial sense. Hard to find clear info because SSA just says call them, but I've been trying to get through for WEEKS with no luck. I tried that Claimyr service (claimyr.com) after someone on another thread suggested it, and they actually got me connected to a real person at SSA in under 20 minutes! Their video shows how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU The SSA rep confirmed that remarriage before 60 permanently eliminates ex-spouse benefits EVEN IF the second marriage ends. It was a tough conversation to have, but at least now I know the facts.
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Nia Jackson
•Thank you for sharing this resource! I've been trying to get through to SSA too with no luck. It's frustrating that such an important life decision requires information that's so hard to access. Did the rep give you any idea about how to estimate the difference between your own benefits and what you'd get from your ex's record?
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Andre Dupont
has anyone concidered that this is DISCRIMATION???!! the government shouldnt be telling us when we can get married! what if your new husband is rich anyway and you dont even need the SS?? makes no sense
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Mateo Hernandez
•While the rules can seem arbitrary, they're not really about controlling when people marry but about defining dependency. The ex-spouse benefit exists because after a long marriage, one spouse may have sacrificed career advancement. After remarriage, the presumption is that you're now financially connected to your new spouse instead.
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Ethan Taylor
This rule about remarriage before 60 ONLY applies to ex-spouse benefits. It's a completely different situation for widow/widower benefits, where you can remarry at age 60 or later. I've seen people get these two situations mixed up before. Also important: have you compared what your own benefit will be vs. what you'd get from your ex-husband? You only get 50% of his benefit as an ex-spouse. If your own work record gives you more than 50% of his, this whole issue might be moot. Check your statement on mySocialSecurity.gov to see your projected benefit.
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Yuki Ito
•Great point - I've seen people wait unnecessarily when their own benefit would be higher anyway! Definitely worth checking the numbers before putting life on hold.
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Nia Jackson
•I haven't checked the exact numbers yet. That's a smart suggestion. My work history is spotty due to being a stay-at-home mom for many years, while my ex-husband had a six-figure income throughout our marriage. So I've been assuming his would be much higher, but I should verify the actual amounts.
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CosmicCruiser
One strategy to consider: if you're planning to wait until 60 to remarry, make sure you factor in the MONTH not just the year. SSA is very specific about this - if you turn 60 on July 15th but get married on July 14th, you'd permanently lose eligibility. I've seen this trip people up. Also, if your own retirement benefit will eventually be higher than the ex-spouse benefit, you might choose to claim the ex-spouse benefit early (as early as 62) and then switch to your own benefit later when it maximizes (at age 70). This strategy can sometimes provide more lifetime benefits depending on your specific situation.
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Nia Jackson
•Thank you for this detailed advice! I hadn't even considered the month specifics - that would be a terrible mistake to make after waiting years. The strategy of claiming different benefits at different times sounds complicated but potentially worthwhile. I think I need to get actual numbers from SSA to make an informed decision.
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Aisha Khan
what about filing for ex-spouse benefits at 62 but not telling SSA about remarriage? do they even check?
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Mateo Hernandez
•This would be fraud and a federal offense. SSA does cross-check marriage records with state databases, and penalties can include having to repay all benefits received plus potential fines and legal consequences. Not worth the risk.
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Ethan Taylor
Something to consider that I haven't seen mentioned: your ex-husband's work status doesn't matter for your decision timeline. Whether he's working, retired, or even if he hasn't filed for his own benefits yet, you can still claim ex-spouse benefits as long as he's eligible for benefits (meaning he's at least 62) and you've been divorced for at least 2 years (which you have at 3 years). So his continued working doesn't impact your decision of when to remarry - it's purely based on your age at remarriage (before or after 60).
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Nia Jackson
•Thank you for that clarification! I wasn't sure if his current work status affected anything. Good to know it's just my age at remarriage that matters for this decision.
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