I'm going through a very similar situation with my mother who has early-stage dementia, so I completely understand how overwhelming this feels. A few additional things that have been lifesavers for us: **Financial Power of Attorney - get it done IMMEDIATELY**: Like others said, this becomes impossible once cognitive decline progresses. We waited just a few months too long and had to involve doctors to verify mom's capacity. **Social Security Representative Payee**: Since you mentioned your husband gets confused about financial matters, consider applying to become his representative payee now. This gives you legal authority to manage his SS benefits and can prevent issues if he becomes unable to handle his own affairs. **Credit cards**: Try applying for a secured card through your current bank - they already know your banking history. Also, many credit unions are more lenient with members who have limited credit history. **Important timing note**: You mentioned his doctor thinks his condition will progress faster than average. If that's the case, prioritize the legal documents (POA, healthcare directives) over everything else. The financial stuff can be figured out later, but once he can't legally sign documents, your options become much more limited and expensive. **One practical tip**: Start handling more of the day-to-day finances now (bill paying, bank visits, etc.) while he can still guide you through the process. This helps you learn the systems while he's available to help. You're doing everything right by planning ahead. It's hard, but future you will be so grateful for the preparation you're doing now.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this challenging situation. As someone who works in financial planning, I want to emphasize a few critical steps that haven't been fully covered: **Immediate priorities (this week):** - Get durable power of attorney for finances AND healthcare directive signed ASAP - Make yourself joint owner (not just beneficiary) on all bank accounts - Request copies of the last 3 years of tax returns and locate all important documents **Credit building strategy:** Since your bank denied the application, try a secured card with a $500-1000 deposit. Also consider becoming an authorized user on multiple cards (not just one) to build more credit history faster. **Often overlooked:** Check if your husband has any old employer pension benefits, union benefits, or life insurance through former jobs. Many people forget about these, and they can provide additional survivor benefits. **Medicare planning:** If he needs skilled nursing care at home, Medicare Part A might cover some costs. But there are strict requirements about "homebound" status and skilled care needs - not just custodial care. The fact that you're planning now while he can still participate in decisions puts you ahead of many families facing similar situations. Document his wishes about care preferences while he can still express them clearly - this will be invaluable later for both medical and financial decisions. You're handling this with remarkable strength and foresight. Take care of yourself too - caregiver support groups can be incredibly helpful as his condition progresses.

I just wanted to share my own experience with this exact situation! My husband and I went through this last year when he filed at 66. I was already receiving my own benefit of around $900, and his was about $2,800. The spousal benefit did kick in automatically after about 6 weeks, bringing my total up to $1,400 (half of his PIA). The key thing I learned is that you really do need to monitor both of your online accounts closely - there was actually a glitch initially where they applied the wrong spousal amount, and I had to call to get it corrected. Also, keep detailed records of when your husband files because if there are any delays, you'll want to be able to show SSA exactly when the spousal benefits should have started for any retroactive payments. Good luck with everything!

One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is the timing of when you file versus when the spousal benefit starts. If you file online, your benefits typically start the month after you apply (assuming you're already eligible), but if you file in person at an SSA office, they might be able to make your start date the month you apply if it's early enough in the month. This could affect when your wife's spousal benefit kicks in too. Also, just a heads up - I've noticed that the online My Social Security portal sometimes shows pending changes before they actually appear in the payment amounts, so don't be alarmed if you see some confusing information during the transition period. The actual payment amounts are what matter, not necessarily what shows up in the benefit estimates section during processing.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Gael. Losing your husband at such a young age while caring for a disabled daughter must be incredibly overwhelming, especially when you're getting such confusing information from SSA. I went through a similar situation when my wife passed away, leaving me with our autistic son who was 28 at the time. The key thing I learned is that you absolutely ARE entitled to Child-in-Care benefits (not "mother's benefits" - the terminology matters!) as long as you're the primary caregiver for your disabled adult daughter. Here's what helped me cut through the confusion: 1. When you call, immediately ask for a "Technical Expert" and say you need help with "Child-in-Care survivor benefits for a parent caring for a disabled adult child" 2. Reference POMS RS 00615.742 specifically - this shows you know the rules and helps them find the right guidance 3. Your Child-in-Care benefits have ZERO asset limits - that's only for SSI 4. Apply immediately! Don't wait for perfect information. Survivor benefits can be retroactive up to 6 months, but every month you delay costs you money. The family maximum will likely be split between you and your daughter, but if you later work and your portion gets reduced, you can request redistribution to increase her share (most offices won't do this automatically, so you have to ask). Your daughter's SSI will decrease when she starts getting DAC benefits, but she'll keep Medicaid coverage, which is often more valuable than the cash payment anyway. Don't let them tell you that you don't qualify - I was initially denied until I got to someone who actually understood these rules. You've got this!

I'm so sorry for your loss, Gael. What you're going through sounds absolutely exhausting on top of an already heartbreaking situation. As someone new to this community, I've been reading through all the responses and am amazed by how much detailed, practical advice everyone has shared. It's both encouraging and deeply frustrating to see how common your experience is with getting contradictory information from SSA representatives. What strikes me most is how many specific details and terminology seem to matter so much in getting the right answers - things like using "Child-in-Care benefits" instead of "mother's benefits," knowing the exact POMS references, and understanding the difference between automatic redistribution and manual recomputation. It's honestly shocking that grieving families have to become experts in bureaucratic language just to access benefits they're entitled to. From everything I've read here, it sounds like you have a strong case for both your Child-in-Care benefits and your daughter's DAC benefits. The fact that you've already set up the special needs trust shows you're thinking strategically about protecting her long-term eligibility. I hope when you call with all the specific terminology and references people have shared, you're able to get through to a Technical Expert who can walk you through everything clearly and get both benefits set up properly. You shouldn't have to fight this hard during such a difficult time, but your persistence in advocating for your daughter is really admirable. Please keep us posted on how it goes - I'm sure your experience will help other families facing similar situations navigate this complex system.

This is such a complex situation, and I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and knowledge here. As someone who's dealt with similar Social Security questions for family members, I wanted to add that timing really is everything with these benefits. One thing I learned that might be helpful - when you do get that official written analysis from SSA that others have mentioned, make sure to ask them to run scenarios for different claiming ages. Since you're 58, you have several years to optimize your strategy. For example, if your own benefit would be significantly higher by waiting until age 70 due to delayed retirement credits, that might end up being your best option regardless of the survivor benefit limitations. Also, don't forget to factor in Medicare planning alongside your Social Security decisions. The interaction between when you claim benefits and when you need to enroll in Medicare can affect your overall retirement income strategy. The frustrating reality is that the remarriage before age 60 does limit your options with your ex-spouse's record, but it sounds like you have several other pathways to explore. Good luck with your planning!

I've been working in retirement planning for over 15 years and wanted to add some clarity to this discussion. The information you've received about the remarriage before 60 rule is absolutely correct - this is one of the most misunderstood aspects of Social Security. Since you remarried at age 58 (before 60), you've permanently forfeited any future claim to survivor benefits from your ex-husband, regardless of when either spouse dies or the order of their deaths. This is a hard rule with no exceptions. However, don't let this discourage your overall retirement planning! Here are some strategies to consider: 1. **Maximize your own benefit**: Since you're still working at 58, these are crucial years for boosting your Social Security calculation. Consider working until 70 if possible for the delayed retirement credits. 2. **Spousal benefits from current husband**: While he's alive, you may be eligible for spousal benefits up to 50% of his full retirement age benefit. 3. **Survivor benefits from current husband**: If he predeceases you, you'd be eligible for 100% of his benefit amount. 4. **File and suspend strategies**: Depending on your birth year and his, there may be claiming strategies that optimize your combined lifetime benefits. I'd strongly recommend getting a personalized Social Security statement and having SSA run projections for multiple scenarios. The rules are complex, but understanding all your options will help you make the best decisions for your situation.

This thread has been incredibly helpful! I'm dealing with a similar situation - worked in Australia for 8 years in the late 90s/early 2000s and lost all my paperwork in a flood a few years back. Reading through everyone's experiences, I'm realizing I have way more options than I thought. I still have my old passports with entry/exit stamps, and I just remembered I was part of a professional accounting association there. I'm going to start with gathering whatever documentation I can find and then make an appointment with SSA requesting someone who specializes in international cases. One question though - for those who have been through this process, did you find it helpful to organize all your evidence into a timeline or folder system before your SSA appointment? I want to make sure I present everything in the most helpful way possible.

Another resource that might be worth exploring - if you had any medical or dental care while working abroad, those records could serve as additional evidence of your presence and employment during those periods. I discovered this when going through my own totalization process for work in Canada. I had completely forgotten about a dental procedure I had in Toronto, but when I contacted the dental office (which amazingly was still in business), they had records going back to the 1990s showing my appointments and my employer's dental insurance information. It's not direct employment proof, but it's another piece of the puzzle that can help corroborate your timeline and show you were legitimately living and working in those countries. Medical records, prescription records, even veterinary records if you had pets - any official documentation that shows you were a resident rather than just a tourist can be valuable supporting evidence.