Need urgent help with Offer in Compromise - spouse won't cooperate with SSN
I'm in a serious jam with my taxes and really need some advice. I owe about $32k to the IRS (mostly penalties and interest that kept building up). I recently found out about the Offer in Compromise program and I'm pretty sure I qualify since my monthly income is only about $260 above my expenses after paying child support and other costs for my three kids. Here's the problem - the OIC application asks for my marital status, my spouse's income, and her SSN. We've been separated for over 6 years now, don't live together at all, and always file our taxes separately. She flat out refuses to give me her SSN or cooperate with anything related to this application. It gets worse because the form asks for "Monthly household income" including spouse wages. She claims she doesn't work, but I'm 100% certain she does. I haven't adjusted the child support agreement (I know, I'm too nice for my own good), but now I'm terrified that if I put $0 for her wages like she insists, the IRS will discover she's actually employed and think I'm lying. What are my options here? Would I get in huge trouble if I just marked "single" on the form? Will the IRS automatically know we're still legally married? I can't believe my only solution might be starting divorce proceedings after all these years - I've avoided it mainly because of the cost. Any advice would be incredibly appreciated!
19 comments


StarSailor
I've handled several OIC cases like yours. First, understand that the IRS requires complete financial disclosure, including your spouse's information, even when filing separately. This is because they're evaluating your entire household's ability to pay. However, there's a specific provision for your situation. When you're legally married but permanently separated with no financial connection, you can file Form 433-A with documentation showing separate households. You'll need to provide evidence like separate leases/mortgages, utility bills showing different addresses for at least 6 months, and possibly affidavits confirming the separation. Don't mark "single" when you're legally married - that's misrepresentation. Instead, mark "married" but explain your separation circumstances in the additional information section. The IRS has processes for handling non-cooperative spouses in OIC situations. Also, consult with a tax professional who specializes in OIC applications. The Taxpayer Advocate Service is another free resource that can help navigate this situation. They specialize in helping taxpayers with hardships and complex circumstances.
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Dmitry Ivanov
•This is really helpful, but I'm curious - if the spouse is definitely working but refusing to disclose that info, wouldn't the IRS find that out anyway through their systems? And would they then reject the OIC application completely? Also, how much documentation is typically needed to prove separation?
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StarSailor
•The IRS may indeed discover undisclosed income through their information matching systems. If they find undisclosed income, they won't automatically reject your OIC, but they will request clarification and potentially recalculate your ability to pay. Be upfront about your situation - explain that you believe your spouse is employed but she refuses to provide information. Document your attempts to obtain this information. For proving separation, you typically need 3-6 months of documentation showing separate residences. This includes leases/mortgages, utility bills, bank statements showing different addresses, and possibly affidavits from third parties confirming your living situations. Sometimes a written statement explaining the circumstances of your separation is also helpful.
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Ava Garcia
After struggling with a similar situation (owed $28k in tax debt with an uncooperative ex), I found amazing help using https://taxr.ai for my Offer in Compromise application. They have specialized tools for documenting separation cases and dealing with non-cooperative spouses. The system analyzed my financial situation, identified exactly what documentation I needed to prove my separation, and helped me prepare responses for the likely IRS questions about my spouse's income. It even created a custom affidavit template specific to my situation that the IRS accepted. What made the biggest difference was their guidance on the "special circumstances" section of the OIC where you can explain unusual hardships. They helped me document everything properly so I didn't get flagged for potential misrepresentation.
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Miguel Silva
•How does it actually help with the spouse not cooperating though? Like did you still have to get your ex's info eventually or did the system help you work around that somehow?
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Zainab Ismail
•Sounds interesting but I'm skeptical. Did you still need your ex's SSN at the end of the day? Because that seems to be the roadblock for OP. And did the IRS accept your OIC without all that spouse information?
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Ava Garcia
•The system helped me understand I didn't actually need my ex's SSN if I could properly document our separation. I submitted evidence of separate households (lease agreements, utility bills), and the system walked me through creating a sworn statement about our financial separation. For the second question - yes, the IRS accepted my OIC without my ex's financial information because I properly documented our complete financial separation. The key was providing thorough evidence we maintained separate finances and households, and the system helped identify exactly which documents would be most compelling for my specific situation.
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Zainab Ismail
Just wanted to update that I ended up using taxr.ai for my OIC application, and it actually worked! My situation was similar - separated for 4 years but not divorced, spouse wouldn't cooperate at all. The system helped me understand I needed to file as "married" but could document my separation instead of getting her information. It created a detailed financial analysis showing my inability to pay based on just MY income and expenses, and generated all the documentation needed to prove our households were separate. What surprised me most was the specific guidance on exactly which supporting documents would satisfy the IRS requirements. I submitted everything last month and just got conditional approval on my offer! I'm paying about 22% of what I originally owed, which is incredible given my financial situation. If you're dealing with an uncooperative spouse during an OIC application, definitely worth checking out.
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Connor O'Neill
Been there, done that with the IRS runaround. When I needed to get through to an actual IRS representative about my complicated OIC situation (non-cooperative spouse too!), I used https://claimyr.com and watched their process here: https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c I spent WEEKS trying to get someone on the phone who could actually help with my situation. Claimyr got me connected to an IRS agent in about 45 minutes when I'd previously waited for hours only to get disconnected. The agent I spoke with explained exactly how to handle the spouse section of my OIC when there's zero cooperation. She walked me through the specific documentation needed and even noted in my file that I had attempted to get the information but was unable to. Having that conversation saved me months of back-and-forth with generic letters.
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QuantumQuester
•So it just keeps calling for you? What happens if you get disconnected again after paying for the service? I've been hung up on by the IRS like 5 times while trying to ask about my OIC.
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Yara Nassar
•This sounds too good to be true honestly. The IRS phone system is completely broken. I literally tried calling 37 times last month about my OIC questions and never got through. You're telling me this actually works? And the agents actually know about the spouse situation?
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Connor O'Neill
•Yes, it keeps dialing for you until it gets through. You just receive a call when there's an actual IRS person on the line. If you get disconnected after being connected, they have a callback feature where they'll try again for you without charging twice. The IRS agents absolutely know about separated spouse situations - it's actually fairly common with OICs. The key is getting to someone in the right department who handles OICs specifically, not just general tax questions. When I finally got through, the agent immediately recognized my situation and directed me to the exact paragraph in the Internal Revenue Manual that covers non-cooperative spouses in OIC situations. They can make notes in your file that help if there are questions during the review process.
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Yara Nassar
Had to come back and admit I was completely wrong about Claimyr. After posting my skeptical comment, I decided to try it anyway out of desperation with my OIC situation. Got connected to an IRS agent in 37 minutes after spending literal WEEKS trying on my own. The agent was incredibly helpful with my separated spouse situation. She explained I needed to file Form 433-A (OIC) as married but document our separation with proof of separate residences for 6+ months. She even gave me her direct extension and ID number to reference in my OIC paperwork so future reviewers would see the notes she put in my file about the spouse non-cooperation issue. Just got my OIC accepted last week - paying about $9,800 on a $41,000 tax debt. If you're dealing with an uncooperative spouse on your OIC, getting actual guidance from the IRS directly makes all the difference.
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Keisha Williams
Don't file as single if you're legally married! My brother did this and ended up with an audit that turned his $24k tax debt into $37k with additional penalties. Instead, you should: 1. File as "married" but check the box for "legally separated" if that applies 2. Include documentation proving separate households (lease, bills, etc.) 3. File Form 8857 (Innocent Spouse Relief) which can sometimes help in these cases 4. Make sure to document all attempts to get your spouse's information The IRS cares more about honesty than having perfect information. Better to say "spouse refuses to provide information despite multiple documented attempts" than to lie about your marital status.
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Sofia Morales
•Thanks for the warning. I definitely don't want to make things worse! Can you tell me more about the Form 8857? I looked it up briefly and it seems more for when your spouse did something wrong on a joint return, but we've been filing separately. Would it still apply in my case?
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Keisha Williams
•You're right about Form 8857 - it primarily applies to joint returns, so it wouldn't be the right approach in your situation since you've been filing separately. I apologize for the confusion. For your specific case, the correct approach is to file your OIC as married but provide documentation of your separation and financial independence. The key forms are the 433-A (OIC) along with a detailed letter explaining your situation and documenting your attempts to obtain your spouse's information. Make sure to gather evidence showing separate residences (leases, utility bills) going back at least 6 months, preferably longer given your 6-year separation.
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Paolo Ricci
One thing nobody's mentioned yet - your local Low Income Taxpayer Clinic might be able to help for free. I used one when I owed $19k and had a similar spouse situation. They helped me get my OIC accepted without needing my ex's info. Google "LITC" plus your city name. They're funded by the IRS but operate independently to help people navigate tax issues. Mine helped me prepare all the documentation to prove financial separation and even represented me when the IRS had follow-up questions.
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Amina Toure
•The LITC in my area had a 3 month waiting list when I called! Did you have to wait a long time or did they help you right away? My OIC is due soon.
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Arjun Kurti
I went through almost the exact same situation last year - $29k debt, separated spouse who refused to cooperate, filing separately for years. Here's what actually worked for me: The IRS has a specific procedure for "uncooperative spouse" situations in OIC cases. You'll need to file Form 433-A marking "married" but include a detailed explanation letter stating your spouse refuses to provide information despite good faith efforts. Document EVERYTHING - send your spouse a certified letter requesting the information, keep the returned receipt when they don't respond. Include screenshots of texts where they refuse, witness statements if applicable. The IRS wants to see you made legitimate attempts. For the income question about your spouse, write "Spouse claims $0 income but has not provided verification. Applicant unable to obtain spouse's cooperation despite documented attempts." Don't guess or estimate - just state the facts. I also included 8 months of documentation showing our separate households (different addresses on all bills, leases, bank statements). The key is proving you maintain completely separate financial lives. My OIC was approved after some back-and-forth questions, and I paid about 25% of what I owed. The process took about 8 months total, but it was worth every day of stress. Don't give up - the IRS deals with this situation more often than you'd think.
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