Social Security making me provide ex-spouse SSN and DOB for retirement application - one is deceased and other won't cooperate

I went through something similar last year. The SSA can actually look up this information themselves, but some agents don't know this or won't take the time. For the deceased ex-wife, tell them she's deceased and provide her name and approximate date of death if you know it. For the uncooperative ex, tell them you have no contact and cannot obtain the information. Ask to speak with a supervisor who can override this requirement or use their internal systems to look up the information. Honestly though, getting through to someone helpful at SSA is nearly impossible these days. I finally used a service called Claimyr (claimyr.com) to get through to an actual SSA agent without the endless hold times. You can see how it works here: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU. Saved me hours of frustration and I finally got to a supervisor who resolved my ex-spouse info issue in minutes.

why do they even need ex spouse info? my husbnd didnt have to provide any of that when he filed last yr

The SSA asking for ex-spouse information is standard procedure. They're required to check if you might qualify for higher benefits on any ex-spouse's record (assuming the marriage lasted 10+ years). However, there are established procedures for cases just like yours! For the deceased ex-wife, they can use her name, approximate date of death, and last known state of residence. The SSA has access to death records and can verify this information internally. For the uncooperative ex-spouse, request an "inability to provide information" exception. The claims representative should document your attempt and inability to obtain the information, then proceed with processing your application. If the representative insists they can't proceed, ask to speak with a Technical Expert or Supervisor. They have the authority to apply these exceptions. Make sure you clearly state that: 1. You've made reasonable attempts to obtain the information 2. You have no means of contacting the ex-spouse 3. Your benefits need to begin promptly to prevent financial hardship Don't leave without getting the representative's name and a confirmation number for the discussion. Follow up in writing to create a paper trail.

I work for an elder law firm and we see this ALL THE TIME. The SSA representatives are inconsistent in how they handle this. Here's what works: 1. For the deceased ex-wife: Provide full name, approximate date of death (year is usually sufficient), and last known city/state. SSA can access death records. 2. For the uncooperative ex: SSA Form SSA-795 "Statement of Claimant or Other Person" - use this to formally declare you have no means of obtaining the information. Detail any attempts made to contact the ex-spouse. Legally, SSA cannot deny benefits solely because you cannot provide third-party information that is inaccessible to you. Request a "good cause" exemption. If the representative refuses, immediately ask for their supervisor. Pro tip: File your application now even without this information. Your filing date is preserved while you resolve these issues, which protects your back benefits.

UGH the SSA and their ridiculous red tape!!!! I went thru similar NIGHTMARE last year trying to get my widows benefits. Every person told me something different! One said I needed my late husband's first wife's info, another said I didn't, then a third said I did again!!! MAKE UP YOUR MINDS PEOPLE!!! The whole system is BROKEN.

Just to add from my experience - persistence is key. Some agents are better informed than others. If you call back, you might get a different agent who knows the proper procedures. When I used Claimyr to get through, I was connected to an agent within 20 minutes who immediately understood the situation and processed my application without the missing ex-spouse info.

Update: I called SSA back today and got through to someone who was much more helpful! She said for the deceased ex-wife, they just needed her name and approximate year of death. For the other ex, I explained the situation and she said they'd note that the information was unavailable. My application is moving forward! Thanks everyone for the advice - it gave me the confidence to push back a little when they were asking for impossible information.