Divorced after 38 years - can't get SS appointment to claim ex-spouse benefits while caring for disabled adult child

Unfortunately, local Social Security offices don't typically accept direct calls anymore - everything gets routed through the national 1-800 number first. Based on your situation, you qualify for multiple potential benefits that need careful consideration: 1. You were married for 38 years (well over the 10-year minimum for divorced spouse benefits) 2. You're 63, so eligible for reduced divorced spouse benefits now 3. Your caregiving for a disabled child might qualify you for additional benefits The system not showing your marriage connection is concerning but fixable. You'll need to bring your marriage certificate and divorce decree to your appointment when you get one. Don't make any work reduction decisions until you know exactly what you'll receive - divorced spouse benefits are only 50% of your ex's Primary Insurance Amount at your Full Retirement Age, and less if you claim early.

I've helped several family members navigate this exact situation! The SSA's system for finding marriage records is notoriously unreliable, especially for older marriages. Here's what worked for us: 1. Forget calling - go directly to your local office first thing in the morning (arrive 30 min before opening) and request an in-person appointment with a claims specialist who handles divorced spouse claims. Bring a complete documentation package: marriage certificate, divorce decree, your birth certificate, your son's medical records, and tax returns showing your work history. 2. Fill out the divorced spouse benefit application online at ssa.gov BEFORE going in. Print the confirmation page and bring it with you. This creates a record in their system that makes it harder for them to turn you away. 3. Since your son receives benefits as a disabled adult child on his father's record, you might be eligible for mother's/father's benefits as his caregiver, separate from your divorced spouse benefit. Make sure to ask specifically about this. Don't reduce your hours until you have everything in writing! The difference in monthly benefits could be substantial.

I've been EXACTLY where you are!!! Trying to get through to Social Security is absolute TORTURE especially when dealing with complicated situations like divorced spouse benefits! I spent WEEKS trying to get an appointment through the 800 number with no luck. I finally discovered a service called Claimyr (claimyr.com) that got me through to a live person at Social Security in under 20 minutes instead of the 3+ hour wait. They have a video showing how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU It was such a relief to finally talk to someone who could help schedule my appointment! Once I got my appointment, I was able to sort out my divorced spouse benefits AND the benefits I could get as a caregiver for my disabled brother. Don't give up - the right person at SSA can help sort this all out once you can actually reach them!

The whole system is DESIGNED to wear you down until you give up!!! After 20+ years working for SSA (retired now), I can tell you the marriage records often don't transfer correctly in their system after a divorce. This is ESPECIALLY true for marriages before 1990 when records were kept differently. Here's what they DON'T tell you: 1. You absolutely CAN get an appointment - they're REQUIRED to give you one if you specify you need to discuss a complex situation involving multiple benefit types 2. Ask specifically for a "Technical Expert" who handles divorced spouse cases with caregiving components - not all claims specialists understand these rules 3. Use this exact phrase: "I'm requesting an appointment under POMS GN 01070.075 for complex benefit counseling as a divorced spouse with caregiver status for a disabled adult child" If they still refuse, ask to speak to the Office Manager. Don't let them fob you off! You worked all those years without proper SS credits while caring for your child - you DESERVE these benefits!!

my cousin had same thing happen she was married 29 yrs and ex didnt pay her ss right. she finally got divorced benefits last year but it took like 8 tries calling!!!! the thing about ssa is u have to be super persistant and call at like 7:59am right when they open. also do the online form thing for divorced benefits that other person mentioned it helps alot. good luck i know its super frustrating!!!

What drives me CRAZY about social security is how IMPOSSIBLE it is to get appointments these days!! Ever since covid hit they barely see anyone in person. i've been trying to sort out my widows benefits for months and can't get through either. One thing though - with your special needs son, did you apply for the mother's/father's benefit? You might qualify for that too since you're still caring for him. my neighbor gets both divorced spouse AND mother's benefits for her disabled son. Just mentioning it in case no one told you.

have u tried going on the website mySocialSecurity to make appointment? they say u can do that now. I made mine that way last month but u might need to create account first

After reading through the comments, I want to emphasize something important about your specific situation. Since you mentioned your son recently started receiving benefits on his father's record as a disabled adult child (DAC), you may be in a special category. If you're providing care for a disabled adult child who receives Social Security benefits, you might qualify for what's called a "mother's or father's benefit" even though your child is an adult. This is different from your divorced spouse benefit and they can sometimes be payable simultaneously, subject to family maximum rules. When you finally get your appointment, make sure they calculate BOTH: 1. Your divorced spouse benefit (potentially up to 50% of your ex's PIA) 2. Your potential caregiver benefit for your disabled son Bringing documentation of your caregiving responsibilities will be crucial. The technical term SSA uses for this is "in-care" requirement for mother's/father's benefits. Many representatives don't fully understand these complex rules where divorce, disability, and caregiving intersect.