Can I claim Social Security benefits from ex-husband if he passes away while remarried? First vs current spouse rights
I've got a complicated Social Security survivor benefits question that's been confusing me. My situation: I was married to my first husband for 11 years before divorcing in 2008. He's currently remarried. My second marriage lasted only 6 years (we divorced in 2019), and I remarried again last year. What I'm trying to understand is: If my first ex-husband passes away, would I be eligible to claim any of his Social Security benefits even though he remarried and I'm currently married? I've heard conflicting information about ex-spouse survivor benefits. Some people say first wives can claim regardless of remarriage status, others say remarriage disqualifies you completely. And flipping the situation around - my current husband has an ex-wife from a 9-year marriage. If something happened to him, would she be entitled to any of his Social Security? I'm trying to understand how this all works without taking anything away from anyone - just want clarity on the rules and who's entitled to what. Appreciate any insights! We're all healthy right now (thankfully), but I like understanding how these things work before any difficult times arise.
34 comments


Jamal Wilson
To clarify the rules about ex-spouse benefits: If your ex-husband passes away, you generally wouldn't qualify for his survivor benefits because you're currently married. SSA rules state that if you remarry after age 60, you can still collect survivor benefits from a deceased ex-spouse, but remarriage before 60 typically ends eligibility. For divorced spouse benefits (while ex is living), you need to: - Have been married at least 10 years - Be currently unmarried - Be at least 62 years old For survivor benefits (after ex passes), you need: - Have been married at least 10 years - Either be unmarried OR have remarried after age 60 Your first marriage meets the 10-year requirement, but since you're currently married, you wouldn't qualify unless your current marriage occurred after you turned 60. Similarly, your husband's ex-wife could only claim his benefits if she remains unmarried OR remarries after 60. Benefit amounts would be based on your ex's earnings record and when benefits begin.
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Zoe Papanikolaou
•Thank you so much for explaining! So if I understand correctly, my current marriage essentially eliminates any possibility of claiming my first ex-husband's benefits if he passes away - unless I was over 60 when I remarried (which I wasn't). That makes sense. Just to double-check my understanding: if something happened to my current husband, his ex-wife could claim survivor benefits ONLY if she either stayed single OR waited until after 60 to remarry? Are there any exceptions to these rules?
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Mei Lin
my sister went thru this last yr... her ex died & they were married 22 yrs but she remarried at 52 so she got NOTHING! doesnt matter if shes the 1st wife or 10th wife, SSA only cares if ur remarried b4 60. seems unfair cuz they were married so long but thats how it works. his new wife of only 5 yrs got all the survivor $$.
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Liam Fitzgerald
•That doesn't sound right. Are you sure she was completely ineligible? The 10-year marriage rule definitely applies, but there are other factors to consider like her own work history, current spouse's income, etc. The Social Security rules are INCREDIBLY complicated and unique to each situation. I fought with them for 18 months over my own survivor benefits when my husband passed and found out there were exceptions I qualified for that nobody told me about initially!
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Amara Nnamani
I had a similar situation and spent WEEKS trying to get through to Social Security for clarification. I'd recommend using Claimyr (claimyr.com) to reach a live SSA agent without the endless hold times. I was able to get detailed answers about my ex-spouse benefit questions in one call. They have a video that shows how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU - saved me so much frustration when I needed to understand my options after my ex passed away last year. The agent was able to look at my specific record and explain exactly what I qualified for.
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Zoe Papanikolaou
•Thank you for this suggestion! I hadn't heard of Claimyr before. I tried calling SSA twice last month about an unrelated question and both times got disconnected after waiting 40+ minutes. Getting specific answers for my situation would be really helpful since there seem to be so many variables. I'll check out that service.
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Giovanni Mancini
The most important factor here is YOUR AGE at remarriage, not whether you're the first or current spouse. Here's the breakdown: 1. If you remarry BEFORE age 60: You generally CANNOT receive survivor benefits from a deceased ex-spouse while married 2. If you remarry AFTER age 60: You CAN receive survivor benefits based on your deceased ex-spouse's record Since you remarried last year and (I'm assuming) you're under 60, you wouldn't be eligible for survivor benefits from your first ex-husband if he passes away while you're still married. Also, there's a difference between SPOUSAL benefits (when ex is alive) and SURVIVOR benefits (when ex has passed). The remarriage rules are different for each! For your husband's ex-wife: Same rules apply. If she remarried before 60, she cannot claim his survivor benefits while she remains married. But if she's unmarried when he passes OR she remarried after 60, she could potentially claim.
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NebulaNinja
•Wait so what happens if she gets divorced from her current husband? Can she then claim from the first husband even if she remarried before 60? The rules are so confusing!!
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Jamal Wilson
To address the follow-up question about divorce from a current spouse: Yes, if you were to divorce your current husband, you would potentially become eligible for survivor benefits from your deceased ex-spouse, assuming you meet the other criteria (10+ year marriage, appropriate age requirements, etc.). The remarriage rule specifically disqualifies you while you remain married if the remarriage occurred before age 60. If that marriage ends (through divorce or death), your eligibility for benefits from a prior deceased spouse can be reinstated. These rules exist because Social Security survivor benefits are designed to provide financial support to dependents who have lost income due to a worker's death. When you remarry before 60, the assumption is that you have a new spouse providing financial support.
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Fatima Al-Suwaidi
•sooooo confusing!! so basically if ur remarried before 60 ur out of luck unless u get divorced AGAIN?? what a system lol
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Zoe Papanikolaou
Thank you everyone for all these detailed explanations! I think I understand now - since I remarried before turning 60, I wouldn't be eligible for my first ex-husband's survivor benefits while I'm still married to my current husband. And same rule applies to my husband's ex-wife regarding his benefits. It's interesting that if I were to get divorced again (not planning on it!), I could potentially be eligible again. The Social Security system is way more complicated than I initially thought! This has been really helpful in understanding how everything works. I'm glad I asked because I had completely misunderstood how the "first wife" rules worked - it's not about being the first wife at all, but about the length of the marriage and your marital status when applying for benefits.
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Liam Fitzgerald
•Don't forget that you should ALWAYS apply for benefits even if you think you're not eligible! I've seen several cases where people qualified for exceptions they weren't aware of. The worst that happens is they say no, but sometimes there are special situations where the normal rules don't apply. Always worth checking directly with SSA rather than just assuming!
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NebulaNinja
My aunt tried to get benefits from her first husband (married 12 yrs) after he died last year but they told her no because she remarried when she was 45. She was SO MAD because they were married way longer than his second wife (only 5 yrs) but the second wife got all the survivor benefits!! Is that really how it works??
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Giovanni Mancini
•Yes, unfortunately that's exactly how the system works. The length of marriage only matters to establish the minimum threshold (10 years for ex-spouse benefits). After that, what matters is current marital status when applying, not who was married longer. The current spouse automatically qualifies for survivor benefits regardless of marriage length (even if just 9 months in most cases), while ex-spouses need to have been married 10+ years AND be unmarried (or remarried after 60) to qualify. Social Security was designed with the traditional assumption that a current marriage provides financial support, making benefits from previous relationships unnecessary. While this doesn't reflect the complexity of modern relationships, it's still how the system operates.
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Amara Nnamani
One thing nobody's mentioned yet - you should check your own earnings record compared to your exes. Sometimes your own Social Security retirement benefit is actually higher than what you'd get as a survivor benefit. If you've worked consistently and had decent earnings, you might be better off claiming your own benefit anyway. You can create an account at ssa.gov and see your estimated benefits based on your own work record. That might give you some peace of mind regardless of these ex-spouse rules!
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Zoe Papanikolaou
•That's a great point! I just checked my SSA account last month and my estimated retirement benefit is pretty solid. I've worked consistently for almost 30 years, so it's good to know I'll have that regardless of any ex-spouse benefit situation. Thanks for bringing this up - it's easy to forget our own earnings when thinking about these complicated spouse rules.
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Fidel Carson
This is such a helpful thread! I'm in a somewhat similar situation - divorced after 13 years, currently unmarried but considering remarriage. Reading through all these responses, it sounds like the key takeaway is that magic age 60 number for remarriage. One question I haven't seen addressed: what if you're already receiving divorced spouse benefits (while your ex is still alive) and then you remarry before 60? Do those benefits stop immediately, or is there any grace period? I'm trying to plan my timing carefully since I'm only 58 right now. Also, does anyone know if there are different rules for federal employees or military? My ex was career military and I've heard the military survivor benefits (SBP) have different rules than regular Social Security.
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Eve Freeman
Great questions! To answer your first question - yes, divorced spouse benefits stop immediately when you remarry, regardless of your age. There's no grace period unfortunately. So if you're currently receiving benefits on your ex's record and remarry before 60, those payments will end with your marriage. However, the good news is that if you remarry after 60, you can continue receiving those divorced spouse benefits even while married (though you'd need to compare that to any spousal benefits you might be eligible for based on your new husband's record). Regarding military benefits - you're absolutely right that military Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) has completely different rules than Social Security! SBP benefits can be lost permanently if you remarry before age 55, and there's no "getting them back" even if that marriage ends. But your ex would have had to specifically elect SBP coverage for you during the divorce, and you'd know if you were receiving those payments. For Social Security purposes, your ex's military service is treated the same as any other employment - the same 10-year marriage rule and age-60 remarriage rule apply. So you'd potentially have both Social Security survivor benefits AND military SBP if he elected coverage (though SBP would stop if you remarry before 55). Since you're 58, waiting until 60 to remarry would preserve your Social Security options!
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Gabriel Ruiz
•This is incredibly helpful information! I had no idea about the immediate termination of divorced spouse benefits upon remarriage - that's definitely something to factor into my planning. The distinction between Social Security rules (age 60) and military SBP rules (age 55) is also really important to understand. Since I'm 58 and considering remarriage, it sounds like waiting until 60 would be the safest approach to preserve all my Social Security options. Two years isn't that long to wait, especially when it could mean the difference between having those benefits available or losing them permanently. Do you know if there's any way to get a written confirmation from SSA about what benefits I'd be entitled to in different scenarios? I'd hate to make assumptions and then find out I missed something important.
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Alexis Robinson
Yes, you can definitely get written confirmation from SSA! I'd recommend requesting a detailed benefit estimate in writing. You can either visit your local SSA office or call them (though as others mentioned, Claimyr might help you get through faster). When you speak with them, ask specifically for: 1. Your current divorced spouse benefit amount 2. What would happen to those benefits if you remarry before vs after age 60 3. Your estimated retirement benefit on your own record 4. Any potential survivor benefits you might be eligible for They can run scenarios and provide written documentation. Also, since you mentioned your ex was military, make sure to ask if his military service credits affect the benefit calculations at all. Given that you're only 2 years away from that magic age 60, waiting really does seem like the smart financial move. You've already waited this long - preserving those future options could be worth hundreds of thousands over your lifetime depending on the benefit amounts!
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Amaya Watson
•This is such valuable advice! I didn't realize you could get written scenarios from SSA - that would definitely give me peace of mind to see the actual numbers. The idea of potentially losing hundreds of thousands over a lifetime really puts it in perspective. As someone new to navigating all these Social Security rules, I'm amazed at how many factors there are to consider. It seems like timing is everything with these benefits. Two years of waiting versus potentially decades of lost benefits does seem like an obvious choice when you put it that way. Thank you for mentioning the military service credits question too - I hadn't thought about whether that might affect the calculations differently than regular employment.
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Sean Doyle
As someone new to this community, I want to thank everyone for such a thorough discussion! This thread has been incredibly educational. I'm in my early 50s and divorced after a 12-year marriage, and I had no idea about the age 60 remarriage rule until reading this. One thing that strikes me is how these rules seem designed for a different era when people typically had one marriage and traditional gender roles. The complexity of modern relationships - multiple marriages, blended families, people remarrying later in life - makes these benefit calculations so much more complicated than they probably were when Social Security was first designed. For those of us navigating these decisions, it seems like the key takeaways are: - Document everything and get written estimates from SSA - Understand that timing of remarriage is crucial (before vs after 60) - Don't assume anything - always apply even if you think you're not eligible - Consider your own work record benefits too I'm definitely going to check out that Claimyr service mentioned earlier to get specific guidance for my situation. It's reassuring to know there are resources to help navigate this maze!
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Amina Diop
•Welcome to the community! You're absolutely right that these rules feel outdated for modern family structures. I'm also relatively new here and have learned so much from threads like this one. The point about Social Security being designed for a different era really resonates - when most people had one lifelong marriage and different economic realities. Now with people living longer, having multiple marriages, and more complex family situations, the rigid age-based rules can feel pretty arbitrary. Your summary of key takeaways is spot-on. I'd add one more: don't be afraid to get multiple opinions or call back if you get conflicting information. I've heard from several people that different SSA representatives sometimes give different answers to the same question, so persistence can pay off. Thanks for highlighting how valuable this discussion has been - it's exactly the kind of real-world guidance that's hard to find anywhere else!
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Elijah O'Reilly
This has been such an informative discussion! As someone new to understanding Social Security benefits, I'm struck by how the age 60 remarriage threshold seems to be the most critical factor in determining eligibility for ex-spouse survivor benefits. What I'm taking away from this conversation is that it's not about being the "first wife" or length of marriage (beyond the 10-year minimum) - it's really about your marital status when you apply and whether you remarried before or after age 60. The system seems to prioritize current financial support assumptions over the actual complexity of people's lives and relationships. For anyone in a similar situation, it sounds like the most important steps are: 1. Get personalized estimates from SSA in writing 2. Understand your own work record benefits as a baseline 3. Consider timing carefully if remarriage is in your future 4. Don't make assumptions - always apply when the time comes I appreciate how this community shares real experiences alongside the technical rules. It makes these complicated regulations much easier to understand when you can see how they play out in actual situations.
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Amara Eze
•You've really captured the key insights from this discussion perfectly! As someone who's also new to navigating these Social Security rules, I found your summary incredibly helpful. The age 60 threshold really is the make-or-break factor that determines so much. What's been eye-opening for me is realizing how much advance planning can matter. If you're divorced and thinking about remarriage in your 50s, that timing decision could literally be worth tens of thousands of dollars over your lifetime in potential benefits. It's not the most romantic way to think about marriage timing, but the financial implications are real. I also appreciate how everyone in this thread has emphasized getting personalized information from SSA rather than making assumptions. These rules have so many variables and exceptions that what applies to one person's situation might be completely different for another's, even if the circumstances seem similar on the surface. Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and knowledge - this kind of practical guidance is invaluable!
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MidnightRider
As a newcomer to this community, I want to echo what others have said about how incredibly helpful this discussion has been! I'm currently going through a divorce after 14 years of marriage, and I had absolutely no idea about these Social Security benefit rules until stumbling across this thread. The age 60 remarriage rule is something I wish more people knew about - it seems like such a crucial piece of financial planning that doesn't get discussed enough. I'm 45 now and honestly hadn't even thought about how future remarriage timing could affect potential benefits decades down the line. What really stands out to me is how the system treats current vs. former spouses so differently, regardless of marriage length or contribution to the household. It's fascinating (and somewhat frustrating) that a 5-year current marriage trumps a 15-year previous marriage when it comes to survivor benefits. I'm definitely going to create that SSA account someone mentioned to check my own projected benefits, and I'll probably use the Claimyr service to get specific guidance for my situation. Thanks to everyone for sharing their knowledge and experiences - this kind of real-world information is exactly what people navigating divorce need to understand their long-term financial options!
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Aria Khan
•Welcome to the community! Your situation sounds very similar to what many of us have been through. It's so true that these Social Security rules aren't commonly discussed during divorce proceedings, but they really should be part of the financial planning conversation. Since you're 45 and going through divorce now, you actually have some great advantages - you have plenty of time to understand these rules and plan accordingly. The 15-year window you'll have between now and age 60 gives you the luxury of making informed decisions about any future relationships with the full picture of the financial implications. I'd definitely recommend getting that SSA account set up sooner rather than later. It's eye-opening to see your projected benefits and start understanding what you've earned through your own work record. That becomes your baseline regardless of any ex-spouse benefit complications. One thing I learned from this discussion is to document everything about your marriage length and your ex's work history if possible. You never know what information might be helpful down the line when it comes time to apply for benefits. Good luck with everything you're going through!
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Maya Patel
As someone new to this community and currently navigating Social Security questions myself, this thread has been absolutely invaluable! I'm 52 and recently divorced after a 16-year marriage. My ex-husband is remarried, and I'm single but dating someone seriously. Reading through all these responses, I finally understand why my divorce attorney briefly mentioned "waiting until 60 to remarry if you want to keep your Social Security options open" - at the time it seemed like such an abstract concern, but now I see how significant that age threshold really is. What strikes me most is how these rules essentially penalize people for finding love and companionship "too early" (before 60), while rewarding those who either remain single or wait until later in life. It seems particularly harsh for people who divorce in their 40s or 50s after long marriages - you're basically forced to choose between potential financial security and personal happiness during what could be 10-15 of your prime years. I'm definitely going to follow the advice here about getting written estimates from SSA and checking my own benefit projections. It's sobering to realize that remarriage timing could potentially affect my financial security decades from now, but I'd rather know the facts and plan accordingly than be caught off guard later. Thank you to everyone who shared their experiences - this kind of practical guidance makes all the difference when trying to understand these complex rules!
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StarGazer101
•Welcome to the community, Maya! Your perspective on having to choose between financial security and personal happiness really hits home. It does seem unfair that the system essentially puts people in this position, especially after going through the emotional and financial upheaval of divorce. I'm in a somewhat similar boat - divorced in my late 40s and trying to understand all these rules while also wanting to move forward with my life. The idea that remarriage timing could have such long-term financial consequences feels like another layer of complexity we shouldn't have to navigate, but here we are! One thing that's given me some peace of mind from reading this thread is realizing that our own work records and benefits are completely separate from all these ex-spouse complications. At least we have that foundation regardless of what happens with remarriage timing or ex-spouse situations. It sounds like you're being smart about getting informed now rather than later. Even though these rules feel punitive, at least understanding them gives us the power to make educated decisions about our futures. Good luck with everything!
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Chloe Davis
As a newcomer to this community, I'm incredibly grateful for this detailed discussion! I'm currently 49 and divorced after a 13-year marriage. My ex-husband remarried about two years ago, and I've been single since our divorce but am starting to think seriously about my long-term future. What really opened my eyes in this thread is understanding that the Social Security system essentially creates a financial penalty for remarrying before 60 - something I never would have considered when thinking about future relationships. It's particularly striking that this rule applies regardless of how long your previous marriage lasted or how short your ex's current marriage might be. I have to admit, learning that I potentially have survivor benefit rights from my ex-husband's record (assuming he predeceases me and I remain unmarried or remarry after 60) feels both empowering and oddly uncomfortable. It's strange to think about having ongoing financial connections to someone you've divorced, especially when they've moved on and remarried. One question I haven't seen addressed: if you're receiving divorced spouse benefits and your ex-husband passes away, do those automatically convert to the higher survivor benefit amount, or do you have to reapply? Also, does his current wife's eligibility for survivor benefits affect what an ex-spouse might receive? I'm definitely going to create that SSA account and possibly use the Claimyr service mentioned here. It's clear that understanding these rules now, while I'm still relatively young, could save me from making costly mistakes later. Thanks everyone for such an informative discussion!
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Ava Rodriguez
•Great questions, Chloe! To answer your first question - if you're receiving divorced spouse benefits when your ex passes away, you would need to contact SSA to convert to survivor benefits. It doesn't happen automatically. Survivor benefits are typically higher than divorced spouse benefits (up to 100% of what your ex was receiving vs. up to 50% for divorced spouse benefits), so it's definitely worth making that switch. Regarding your second question - his current wife's eligibility doesn't reduce what you can receive as an ex-spouse. Social Security survivor benefits aren't like a pie that gets divided up. Both the current spouse and qualifying ex-spouses can receive full benefits simultaneously without affecting each other's amounts. So if you meet the requirements (10+ year marriage, unmarried or remarried after 60), you'd get the full survivor benefit regardless of what his current wife receives. I totally understand the uncomfortable feeling about ongoing financial connections to an ex - it is weird to think about! But try to reframe it as benefits you earned through your years of marriage and the family contributions you made during that time. You're not taking anything away from anyone else. Since you're 49, you have plenty of time to plan around that age 60 threshold. Having 11 years to make informed decisions about your future is actually a great position to be in, even if these rules feel frustrating right now!
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Dmitry Petrov
As someone new to this community and currently navigating these complex Social Security rules myself, I want to thank everyone for such a comprehensive discussion! I'm 46 and recently divorced after an 11-year marriage. My ex has since remarried, and while I'm currently single, I've been wondering about these exact scenarios. What's been most eye-opening for me is learning that the "age 60 remarriage rule" is essentially the determining factor for maintaining survivor benefit eligibility - not the length of your marriage or being the "first" spouse. I had completely misunderstood how this worked before reading through everyone's experiences here. The suggestion about using Claimyr to actually get through to a live SSA agent is incredibly valuable. I tried calling SSA directly last month about a different question and gave up after being on hold for over an hour. Having a reliable way to get personalized answers about these complex scenarios would be huge. One thing that really resonates with me from this discussion is how these rules force people to make financial calculations about deeply personal life decisions. The idea that remarriage timing could impact potential benefits decades down the line is something I never would have considered before, but it's clearly an important factor to understand when planning for the future. I'm definitely going to set up my SSA account and get those written benefit estimates. Thanks to everyone for sharing your knowledge and real-world experiences - this kind of practical guidance is exactly what people in our situations need to make informed decisions!
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Angelina Farar
•Welcome to the community, Dmitry! Your perspective really captures what so many of us have experienced - that moment of realizing these Social Security rules are way more complex than we ever imagined, especially when you're going through major life changes like divorce. I'm also relatively new here and have been amazed at how helpful this community is for navigating these situations. The age 60 remarriage threshold really is the key piece of information that changes everything about long-term financial planning after divorce. It's frustrating that this isn't more widely discussed during divorce proceedings since it can have such significant financial implications. Your point about having to make financial calculations about personal decisions really hits home. It feels like the system forces you to approach relationships with a spreadsheet mentality, which isn't exactly romantic! But as others have pointed out, at least understanding these rules gives us the power to make informed choices rather than stumbling into situations that could cost us financially years down the road. Since you're 46 with an 11-year marriage, you're in a similar position to many others here - young enough to have time to plan around these rules but old enough that they'll become relevant sooner than we'd like to think about. The 14-year window you have until age 60 gives you plenty of flexibility to make decisions with full knowledge of the consequences. Good luck with getting your SSA account set up and getting those personalized estimates. This thread has convinced me to do the same!
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Miguel Castro
As a newcomer to this community, I'm blown away by how thorough and helpful this discussion has been! I'm 53 and divorced after a 12-year marriage, currently single but have been wondering about exactly these scenarios if I decide to remarry in the future. The age 60 remarriage rule is something I wish was discussed more openly during divorce proceedings - it seems like such crucial financial information that could affect major life decisions down the road. Reading through everyone's experiences here, I finally understand why my divorce attorney briefly mentioned "considering the timing of any future remarriage" but didn't elaborate much at the time. What really strikes me is how the system essentially creates a financial cliff at age 60. Remarry at 59 and you potentially lose access to survivor benefits from a long marriage; remarry at 60 and you keep those options open. It seems like such an arbitrary cutoff that forces people to make romantic decisions based on financial calculations. I'm definitely going to follow the advice here about creating an SSA account and getting written benefit estimates for different scenarios. The suggestion about using Claimyr to actually reach a live agent is also really valuable - I had no idea that service existed but it could save so much frustration trying to get specific answers. Thank you to everyone who shared their knowledge and personal experiences. This kind of practical, real-world guidance is exactly what people navigating post-divorce financial planning need to understand their long-term options!
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