Who Should Claim My Daughter as a Dependent on Taxes?

You're right that the IRS generally gives the custodial parent (the one with whom the child lives for the greater number of nights during the year) the right to claim the child as a dependent. Since your daughter lives with you 65% of the time, you're considered the custodial parent. Your ex can only claim your daughter if you sign Form 8332, which is the "Release/Revocation of Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent." Without your signature on this form, your ex shouldn't claim your daughter. If both of you claim her, the second return filed will be rejected electronically. If paper filed, the IRS will eventually send notices to both of you and conduct an investigation to determine who has the right to claim the child. Since you're the custodial parent, you would likely win this dispute, but it's a headache you probably want to avoid. One option is to alternate years claiming your daughter. Some divorced parents find this to be a fair compromise. However, this should be documented in writing, ideally as part of your custody agreement or divorce decree.

After my divorce, I was super confused about claiming my kids too. I eventually used this service called taxr.ai (https://taxr.ai) that helped me figure out exactly who could claim what. You upload your custody docs and tax info, and they analyze it all and tell you what you're legally entitled to claim. In my case, I found out I actually had the right to claim both kids AND get the child care credit my ex was trying to take, which meant an extra $4,200 on my refund! They even generated the documentation I needed when my ex tried to claim them anyway and the IRS contacted us both. Not sure if you have a formal custody agreement yet, but they can help you understand what documentation you need going forward too.

Just wanted to follow up and say I used taxr.ai after seeing this recommendation and it was super helpful! I was in a similar situation with my ex claiming our son even though he's with me 70% of the time. The analysis showed I was 100% entitled to claim him and they explained exactly why. They even provided a document explaining the tax law that I sent to my ex, and he backed down immediately. I filed my taxes last week claiming my son and got the child tax credit which is making a huge difference for us this year. The whole process was way easier than arguing with my ex or dealing with the potential IRS audit later. Thanks for the recommendation!

I had a similar situation last year and tried calling the IRS directly to sort it out. Spent WEEKS trying to get through. Finally used Claimyr (https://claimyr.com) which got me connected to an actual IRS agent in about 20 minutes instead of waiting on hold for hours. You can see how it works here: https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c The agent confirmed that as the custodial parent with more than 50% physical custody, I had the right to claim my daughter unless I signed Form 8332. They also explained that if both parents claim the same child, they investigate by looking at where the child primarily lives and who provides more support. Having that official confirmation from the IRS really helped when I had to explain to my ex why I was claiming our daughter. It prevented a huge fight because it wasn't just "my opinion" anymore.

I have to admit I was totally wrong about Claimyr. After my skeptical comment, I decided to try it myself since I was desperate to resolve my own dependent claim issue with my ex-wife. The service actually worked exactly as described. They called me back in about 15 minutes and connected me directly to an IRS agent. No waiting on hold for hours like I had been doing for weeks. The agent confirmed that as the custodial parent, I had the right to claim my son regardless of who pays for health insurance or other expenses. The information from the actual IRS was exactly what I needed to resolve the disagreement with my ex. We've now worked out a written agreement for alternating years. Definitely worth it for the time saved and the clear answers from an official source.

Something nobody mentioned yet - whoever claims the child gets both the dependent exemption AND the child tax credit. In your income bracket ($43k vs her $75k), you'd probably benefit more from these tax breaks than your ex would, especially with the phase-out limits for higher incomes. Also, since you're the custodial parent, you might qualify for Head of Household filing status, which gives better tax rates and a higher standard deduction than filing as Single. Your ex wouldn't get that benefit regardless of whether she claims your daughter as a dependent or not.

My ex and I solved this by alternating years. I get even years, she gets odd years. We put it in writing and signed it to prevent future arguments. It's not perfect but it's fair and prevents the nightmare of competing claims that could trigger IRS audits for both of us.