Can my wife qualify for child-in-care spousal benefit with adult disabled son on my Social Security record?

The denial reason sounds confusing, but I might know what's happening. For the child-in-care benefit, the child must be under 16 OR disabled before 22. Your stepson meets the disabled before 22 requirement. However, there's another rule - your wife must be exercising parental control and responsibility. Since he's an adult disabled son, SSA sometimes applies a stricter standard for proving parental control. Did you submit documentation showing the specific care she provides?

The same thing happened to my sister!!! She had her disabled daughter (26 but disabled since birth) and when her husband retired, they denied her the child in care benefit. She had to FIGHT with them for months!!! The SSA people kept giving different answers every time she called. Some said yes she qualified and others said no. It was a NIGHTMARE!!!!

I don't think the stepparent relationship is the issue. I'm a stepdad to a disabled adult son and my wife got the child-in-care benefit when I retired. The key difference might be that we had legal documentation - we had a care plan from his doctor detailing his limitations and my wife's caregiving responsibilities. We also had a signed statement about her daily caregiving activities. The SSA is weird about the definition of "care" for adult disabled children. For young kids under 16, they assume care is happening. For adult disabled children, they want specific proof of ongoing parental care and supervision.

Are you sure he's getting SSDI on YOUR record? You said he was getting SSI before. Maybe he's still getting SSI and not actually drawing on your record? That would explain the denial letter wording.

Your situation is exactly what child-in-care benefits are designed for, but SSA's implementation can be frustrating. Here's what's happening: SSA requires proof of both the disability AND ongoing parental care/supervision for adult disabled children. Their definition of "care" is more stringent for adults than for young children. The exact regulation is in POMS RS 01310.001 and actually says a spouse can qualify when caring for "a disabled child age 16 or over only if the child requires personal care and supervision because of his or her mental or physical condition." You need to do two things: 1. File a reconsideration (form SSA-561) within 60 days of the denial 2. Submit evidence of the care and supervision your wife provides

i had endless problems trying to reach SSA about a similar issue with my disabled nephew. calling was useless - wait times of 2+ hours and then often disconnected. after weeks of frustration, i found a service called Claimyr (claimyr.com) that got me connected to a real SSA agent in under 20 minutes. they have a video showing how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU it saved me so much time and stress. might be worth checking out if you need to talk to someone at SSA directly about this complicated situation. i was able to get clarification on exactly what documentation was needed.

Wait why does she want child in care benefits instead of just waiting a few months until 62 for regular spousal? Isn't she almost 62 anyway? Just curious

One more important thing: When your wife files the reconsideration, make sure you specifically address the wording in the denial that says "she is not caring for a child who is entitled to benefits on my record." This suggests there might be confusion in their system about your stepson's benefit status. Include a copy of his benefit award letter showing he receives benefits on your record. Also, if the reconsideration is denied, don't give up! Request a hearing with an Administrative Law Judge. They often have a better understanding of these nuanced situations.

I work as a disability advocate and see this situation frequently. The denial language you received is unfortunately common when SSA staff aren't familiar with the specific requirements for child-in-care benefits with disabled adult children. Here's what I recommend for your reconsideration: 1. Get a comprehensive statement from your stepson's doctor detailing his functional limitations and why he needs daily supervision/care 2. Document your wife's caregiving activities for at least 2 weeks (medication reminders, meal prep, transportation, supervision, etc.) 3. Include any therapy/case management records that show your wife's involvement in his care 4. Write a detailed statement explaining the specific care tasks she performs and why they're necessary due to his disability The key is proving "parental control and responsibility" - SSA needs to see that your wife is providing the type of care and supervision a parent would provide, not just general household assistance. The fact that he lives with you and receives benefits on your record should work in your favor, but you need to make the caregiving relationship crystal clear. Don't be discouraged by the initial denial - these cases often require persistence, but you have a strong case if you can document the care relationship properly.

I went through almost the exact same situation with my disabled stepson last year. The key thing that helped us get approved was getting a statement from his psychiatrist that specifically used the words "requires ongoing parental supervision and care due to his mental health condition." SSA seems to need very specific language about "parental" care rather than just general assistance. We also had to show that my wife was managing his medication schedule, coordinating his medical appointments, and providing daily structure/supervision - not just helping him with tasks. The other thing that made a difference was getting a letter from his day program coordinator confirming that my wife is his primary contact and decision-maker for all care-related issues. This helped establish the "parental control" aspect. It took about 4 months total from initial denial to final approval, but we got it retroactive to the original application date. Don't give up - the child-in-care benefit is designed for exactly your situation!

I'm dealing with a very similar situation right now! My husband has been getting Social Security retirement for about 6 months, and our adult disabled daughter (she's 28 but was disabled before 22) qualified for benefits on his record. I'm 59 and was hoping to get the child-in-care spousal benefit so I could retire early due to some health issues. We haven't applied yet because I've been researching exactly what documentation we'll need based on stories like yours. From everything I've read here and elsewhere, it seems like the key is being very thorough with the initial application rather than waiting for a denial. I'm planning to include: - Detailed letter from her psychiatrist using the exact phrase "requires ongoing parental supervision and care" - Two weeks of detailed care logs showing medication management, appointment coordination, daily supervision - Letter from her vocational rehabilitation counselor confirming I'm the primary caregiver/decision maker - Our own written statement describing the specific parental care responsibilities Has anyone had success getting approved on the first try by front-loading all this documentation? Or do these applications pretty much always get denied initially regardless of how much proof you provide?

As someone who recently went through this exact process successfully, I wanted to share what ultimately made the difference for us. The key was understanding that SSA distinguishes between "assistance" and "parental care and supervision" - they need to see that your wife is functioning in a true parental role, not just providing help. What worked for us was getting our son's neurologist to write a letter that specifically stated: "Due to his cognitive disabilities, [son's name] requires the same level of parental supervision and care that would typically be provided to a minor child, including daily oversight of medication compliance, safety monitoring, and decision-making support." We also created a "Parental Responsibilities" document that outlined how my wife manages his medical care, coordinates services, makes healthcare decisions, provides daily structure, and ensures his safety - basically showing she's acting as his parent despite his adult age. The reconsideration process can take 3-4 months, but with proper documentation focusing on the "parental control and responsibility" angle rather than just caregiving, you should have a strong case. The fact that he's receiving benefits on your record definitely supports your position - the denial seems to be a documentation issue rather than an eligibility problem.

I'm going through something very similar right now and this thread has been incredibly enlightening! My disabled adult son (23, disabled since childhood) started receiving DAC benefits on my husband's record when he retired last year. I'm 60 and was considering applying for child-in-care benefits, but after reading all these experiences, I realize I need to be much more strategic about documentation. One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet - has anyone dealt with the situation where the disabled adult child has a representative payee? My son has me as his rep payee for his benefits, and I'm wondering if that helps establish the "parental control and responsibility" that SSA is looking for, or if it's irrelevant to the child-in-care determination. Also, for those who were successful, did you find that having the disabled adult child's consent/participation in the application process mattered? My son has limited cognitive ability but can understand basic concepts - should we involve him in documenting that he needs and receives parental-level care? Douglas, I really hope your reconsideration goes smoothly with all the great advice you've gotten here. It's clear you have a strong case once you get the documentation sorted out!