This thread has been really helpful! I'm in a similar situation - divorced after 22 years, ex is 3 years older and already collecting. One thing I wanted to add that might be useful for Carmen and others: you can actually create a my Social Security account online and periodically check your benefit estimates. While it won't tell you about your ex's status, it can help you stay on top of your own benefit amounts and any changes. Also, some people maintain very loose contact with their ex's family members (like siblings or adult children) on social media - not for personal reasons, but just so they might hear about major life events. It's a delicate balance, but it could be one way to eventually learn about a passing without having to actively search obituaries regularly.

Just wanted to add another perspective as someone who works in retirement planning - you're making a smart move by waiting until 70 to claim your own benefits! The delayed retirement credits really do make a significant difference in your monthly payment. Regarding the survivor benefits, everything others have said is correct. One additional tip: when you do eventually need to apply for survivor benefits (hopefully many years from now), try to gather as much documentation as possible about your ex-husband's Social Security history. If you know his Social Security number, that can speed up the process, but it's not required - SSA can look him up using his full name and date of birth. Also, don't worry too much about the "monitoring" aspect right now. Focus on enjoying your retirement when it starts next month. The survivor benefit option will be there if and when you need it, and there are usually multiple ways to eventually learn about someone's passing through mutual connections, even years after a divorce. Congratulations on reaching this milestone and making such a well-planned decision about when to claim!

I've been doing some more research, and it seems like I have two main options: 1) File at my FRA so my wife can get spousal benefits, even though they'll be reduced, or 2) Wait until I stop working to file, which means delaying her spousal benefits too. If I go with option 1, would I be able to earn delayed retirement credits between my FRA and age 70 while still having filed for benefits?

I'm facing a very similar situation with my husband turning 67 next year and me being 4 years younger. From what I've learned through my own research and talking to SSA, here are some key points that might help: 1. The spousal benefit reduction at 63 is significant - you're looking at about 32.5-35% instead of the full 50%. That's a permanent reduction for spousal benefits. 2. One thing to consider is the "break-even" analysis. If you file at FRA so your wife can get reduced spousal benefits, versus waiting until you both reach optimal ages, when does the earlier income stream make up for the lower monthly amounts? 3. For survivor benefits, I was told by an SSA representative that if you delay your own benefits until 70, your wife's potential survivor benefit would also be higher since it's based on what you were receiving (including delayed credits). This could be substantial extra income for potentially 20+ years. 4. Have you considered getting estimates from SSA for different scenarios? They can run projections showing total lifetime benefits under different filing strategies, which really helps visualize the trade-offs. The decision really comes down to your financial needs now versus maximizing long-term benefits. If you need the income, filing earlier makes sense. If you can afford to wait, the math often favors delaying.

This is absolutely heartbreaking and unfortunately way too common. I work as a disability advocate and see these survivor benefit delays constantly - it's one of the most broken parts of the SSA system. A few additional suggestions that have worked for my clients: 1. If she can afford it, consider hiring a Social Security attorney who specializes in survivor benefits. Many work on contingency (they only get paid if she wins) and can often cut through the red tape faster than individuals can. 2. File a complaint with the SSA's Office of the Inspector General (OIG) online at oig.ssa.gov. This creates an official record and sometimes triggers faster action. 3. Contact your local legal aid organization - many have SSA advocates who can help for free or low cost. 4. Document her financial hardship thoroughly - utility shutoff notices, mortgage default letters, medical bills she can't pay. This strengthens her case for expedited processing. The fact that she hasn't even received the $255 death benefit suggests her application may have never been properly entered into their system. This is more common than people realize. Your friend is entitled to receive benefits retroactive to her application date, so she will eventually get that 7-month lump sum. Don't let them tell her otherwise. Stay strong and keep fighting - the system is designed to wear people down, but she has every right to these benefits.

I'm so sorry your friend is going through this nightmare on top of grieving her husband's loss. Seven months without survivor benefits is completely unacceptable, especially when she's facing foreclosure. Based on what others have shared here, I'd strongly recommend she tries multiple approaches simultaneously: 1. Use that Claimyr service mentioned earlier to actually get through to a human at SSA without waiting hours 2. Contact her congressperson's office immediately - they have special liaisons who can expedite SSA cases 3. Request an "urgent critical need" appointment using the exact language Victoria provided 4. File complaints with both the SSA Office of Inspector General AND Office of Public Inquiries The fact that she hasn't received even the automatic $255 death benefit is a huge red flag that something went seriously wrong with her initial application. It may have never been properly processed at all. She should also gather documentation of her financial hardship (past due mortgage notices, utility bills, etc.) to strengthen her case for emergency processing. And definitely keep copies of EVERYTHING she submits going forward. This system is broken and it's designed to wear people down, but she has every legal right to these benefits. Don't let them make her feel like she's asking for charity - her husband paid into this system his entire working life specifically so she would be protected if something happened to him. Sending strength to both of you during this difficult time. Please update us on what works!

my friends kid got turned down even tho he had autism because they said his iq was too high, it was like 85 i think. your daughter having 71 will probably help her case

I'm a disability advocate and wanted to add some perspective on the classification question. You're right to be confused - SSA's categorization system doesn't always align with how we typically think about disabilities in educational or medical settings. The key thing to understand is that SSA uses a "listings" approach where they have specific criteria for different conditions. Your daughter would likely be evaluated under both Listing 12.10 (Autism Spectrum Disorder) AND potentially 12.05 (Intellectual Disorder) given her IQ and functional level. What really matters for approval is demonstrating that she has "marked" limitations in at least two areas of functioning, or "extreme" limitation in one area. With her academic functioning at 1st grade level at age 15, this should be well-documented. One tip: when she applies at 18, make sure to emphasize her adaptive functioning deficits, not just academic ones. SSA looks at things like money management, social interaction, following complex instructions, maintaining hygiene independently, etc. These daily living skills are often more predictive of work capacity than IQ scores alone. The transition at 18 can actually work in your favor since they'll evaluate her independently of family income. Start preparing those records now!

one other thing about the special needs kids - make sure you look into setting up a special needs trust if you havent already. if they qualify for SSI (not SSDI) when they're adults then having assets in their name could disqualify them. my sister's kid lost benefits for 6 months because of this!!

I'm a newcomer here but wanted to share what I learned from a similar situation. I had to navigate survivor benefits with special needs children too, and one thing that really helped was getting everything documented early. For the disability determination process, start collecting medical records NOW - not just recent ones, but going back to when their disabilities were first diagnosed. The SSA looks for evidence that the disability began before age 22, so having that complete medical timeline is crucial. Also, don't overlook vocational rehabilitation services. My state's VR program helped my special needs son get job training that actually INCREASED his allowable work activity under SSA rules, which meant he could earn some income without losing benefits. One more tip - if you decide to use a service like Claimyr to get through to SSA faster, make sure you have all your documents ready (marriage certificates, death certificates, kids' SSNs, medical records) before you call. They can run scenarios quickly if you have everything at hand. Good luck with this complex situation - it's overwhelming but you'll get through it!