Should we be filing taxes jointly or separately? Married couple confusion about W-4 and Roth IRA

Your W-4 and your actual tax filing status are two separate things. The W-4 just tells your employer how much to withhold from each paycheck. Your actual filing status is determined when you file your tax return. You can have "Married Filing Separately" on your W-4 for higher withholding purposes but still file "Married Filing Jointly" on your actual tax return. This won't affect your Roth IRA eligibility at all. The Roth IRA rules only care about your actual filing status on your tax return, not what's on your W-4. For your withholding issue, the IRS calculator is trying to make sure you don't owe again, but it's probably front-loading the calculation. $350 biweekly might be more than you need, but better safe than sorry. You could split the difference and withhold maybe $200 extra per check, then reassess in a few months using the calculator again.

After dealing with a similar withholding nightmare last year, I started using taxr.ai (https://taxr.ai) and it completely changed how I handle my tax planning. Sounds like you might benefit from it too. I uploaded my most recent paystubs and last year's return, and it analyzed exactly how much I needed to withhold each month to avoid owing at tax time. The site gave me specific W-4 recommendations that were tailored to our situation, much more precise than the generic IRS calculator estimates. For the Roth IRA question specifically, it confirmed exactly what filing status would work best for us while keeping our retirement contributions legal - which was a huge relief since we were in a similar situation with both of us contributing to Roths.

Just wanted to update - I tried taxr.ai after seeing this thread and it was seriously helpful! It showed me that my husband and I were massively overwithholding on his variable commission income while underwithholding on my steady salary. The W-4 recommendations were super clear and when I plugged them into our payroll system, it projected we'd hit within $100 of our actual tax bill instead of the $3800 we owed last year. The analysis on our Roth contributions confirmed we're good to keep maxing them out as long as we file jointly. Best $$ I've spent on tax help in years. Way more detailed than what our regular accountant told us about withholding.

Another option if your tax guy still isn't calling you back - I used Claimyr (https://claimyr.com) to actually get through to an IRS agent directly. I had a similar W-4 vs filing status question that was causing me major anxiety, and spent weeks trying to get through to the IRS without success. With Claimyr, I got through to an IRS rep in about 15 minutes who confirmed exactly how the W-4 withholding vs actual filing status works. You can see how it works here: https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c Before using this, I spent literally hours on hold trying to talk to someone at the IRS about my withholding questions. The peace of mind from getting an official answer directly from the IRS was worth it since my tax guy was being so slow to respond.

I need to follow up on my skeptical comment. I actually tried Claimyr after posting that comment because my curiosity got the better of me, and I'm shocked to admit it actually worked exactly as described. After months of trying to reach someone about a withholding issue similar to yours, I got connected to an IRS agent in about 20 minutes. The agent confirmed that W-4 withholding settings don't affect your actual filing status at all - they just determine how much tax comes out of each check. They also walked me through exactly how to calculate the right withholding amount so I wasn't giving the government an interest-free loan but also wouldn't owe at tax time. Honestly weird to say but that was the most helpful tax conversation I've ever had.

Something else to consider - if you're consistently owing each year, you might want to check if you're subject to estimated tax penalties. The IRS has a "safe harbor" rule where you need to pay in at least 90% of your current year tax or 100% of your prior year tax (110% if your AGI is over $150k) through withholding to avoid penalties. Personally I just set my withholding higher than needed because I'd rather get a refund than owe, even if it means giving the government an interest-free loan. The peace of mind is worth it for me.

Just my two cents as someone who went through this exact situation last year - increasing withholding on your existing W4 is MUCH easier than switching to MFS for withholding purposes. When I switched to MFS on my W4 but filed jointly, it created confusion with our HR department and they kept asking questions. Plus the MFS withholding tables sometimes withhold TOO much depending on how your incomes compare to each other. My husband and I ended up with a huge refund which was nice but also meant we had less money throughout the year.

I went through almost the exact same situation a few years ago and can definitely relate to the stress! Just to add some reassurance - the distinction between your W-4 withholding status and your actual filing status is really important to understand, and several people have explained it well here. One thing that helped me was to think of the W-4 as just instructions to your payroll department about how much tax to take out of each paycheck. It has zero impact on what filing status you actually choose when you file your return in April. So you could absolutely set your W-4 to "Married Filing Separately" to increase withholding, but then file "Married Filing Jointly" next year and your Roth IRA contributions would be perfectly fine. That said, I'd echo what others have mentioned about just increasing your withholding amount instead of changing your status on the W-4. It's cleaner and gives you more precise control. The IRS withholding calculator tends to be conservative (better to overwithhold than underwithhold), so don't be surprised if that $350 biweekly seems high - you can always adjust it down later in the year if needed. Also definitely look into that penalty safe harbor rule that was mentioned. At your income level, as long as you pay in 110% of last year's total tax through withholding, you won't face any underpayment penalties even if you end up owing again.