Shared custody child tax credit rules? Ex wants half despite not filing taxes for years
I'm in a complicated situation with my girlfriend's tax filing this year. She claimed her son on her taxes, and now her ex is demanding half of the child tax credit money. They have a 50/50 custody arrangement (no court order, just verbal agreement) where the kid spends equal time with each parent throughout the year, with occasional extra nights on either side for vacations or special events. My girlfriend handles all the daycare costs since her ex has a job where he can bring their son to work. Neither pays for health insurance as the child is covered through a state program. The interesting part is that her ex hasn't filed taxes in about 4-5 years from what we know. My girlfriend has already filed and received both her federal and state refunds including the full child tax credit. Is she legally required to give him half? I did some research and found that when the IRS receives two returns claiming the same dependent, they reject the second filing and basically tell the parents to figure it out. But since he's not filing taxes, I don't see how he could even make a claim through the IRS unless he suddenly decides to file this year. Does anyone know if there's any legal obligation to split this with him when he's not even participating in the tax system?
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Gael Robinson
The child tax credit belongs to whoever claims the child as a dependent on their tax return. Since your girlfriend has already filed and claimed the child, and the father hasn't filed taxes in years, there's no legal requirement for her to share the credit with him. Without a court order specifically addressing the tax benefits, it comes down to who actually claims the child on their return. The IRS has tiebreaker rules for when parents both try to claim the same child, but those only come into play if both parents file and claim the child. Since he's not filing taxes, those rules aren't even triggered. Some co-parents do choose to alternate years or split tax benefits as part of their co-parenting arrangement, but that's a personal agreement, not an IRS requirement. If they don't have a written agreement about taxes, she's not obligated to share.
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Edward McBride
•But what if he decides to file taxes this year? Couldn't he claim the kid too and cause problems? Also, doesn't the fact that custody is 50/50 matter at all to the IRS?
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Gael Robinson
•If he decides to file taxes this year and also claims the child, the IRS will reject his electronic filing since your girlfriend already claimed the child. He would have to file by paper, and then the IRS would likely audit both returns and apply their tiebreaker rules. The 50/50 custody split doesn't automatically mean tax benefits should be shared. The IRS tiebreaker rules look at several factors when both parents claim a child. The first consideration is actually whether one parent is the custodial parent (where the child spends more nights). With exactly equal nights, they would look at adjusted gross income (AGI) and award the dependent status to the parent with the higher AGI.
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Darcy Moore
I went through something similar with my ex when figuring out who would claim our daughter on taxes. I was so frustrated trying to understand all the rules until I found https://taxr.ai which helped me analyze our situation. All I had to do was upload our custody agreement (even though it was informal like yours) and answer a few questions about who pays for what. They explained that for shared custody without a court order, the IRS looks at who provides more financial support and where the child spends slightly more time. The site also showed me the exact tax code sections that applied to my situation so I could prove to my ex I was following the rules. Made the whole conversation with him much easier because I had clear documentation to back up my position.
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Dana Doyle
•How does that work if they have truly 50/50 physical custody though? And did the site give you actual legal advice or just general info?
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Liam Duke
•I'm a bit skeptical about these kinds of services. Did it really give you anything you couldn't find with a simple Google search? Like did it actually analyze your specific custody arrangement?
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Darcy Moore
•For true 50/50 custody, the site explained that the IRS then looks at adjusted gross income (AGI) as a tiebreaker, with the higher-income parent getting the dependent claim. But they also pointed out that many "50/50" arrangements actually aren't perfectly equal when you count every overnight stay precisely. No, it's not legal advice - they make that clear. What I found valuable was that it organized all the relevant tax rules in one place and applied them to my specific situation after I answered questions about our arrangement. It pulls the exact IRS rules that apply so you understand why certain outcomes are recommended. The biggest help was being able to document everything about our custody and support arrangement in one place, with references to specific tax rules. Much better than random Google results where I wasn't sure what applied to my situation. It gave me confidence in discussions with my ex because I could point to specific rules rather than just my opinion.
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Liam Duke
I was super skeptical about tax services online but when my ex and I were fighting over who could claim our kids, I decided to try taxr.ai anyway out of desperation. Best decision ever! The site walked me through our whole custody arrangement step by step. What impressed me was how it flagged that even though we thought we had 50/50 custody, when we actually counted the overnight stays (including vacations and holidays), I had the kids 54% of the time. That small difference actually mattered for tax purposes! The site generated a detailed report showing why I qualified as the custodial parent according to IRS rules. My ex couldn't argue with the documentation because it referenced the specific tax codes. The tension between us over taxes completely disappeared this year. Now we have a clear plan based on actual IRS rules instead of just fighting about it every April.
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Manny Lark
If your girlfriend's ex hasn't filed taxes in 4-5 years and suddenly wants half the child tax credit, he's being ridiculous. I had a similar issue with my ex who hadn't filed in years then suddenly wanted to claim our kids. After trying to call the IRS for WEEKS with no success (always "high call volume"), I found https://claimyr.com which got me through to an actual IRS agent in under an hour. You can see how it works here: https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c The agent confirmed that without a court agreement specifically addressing taxes, the parent who actually files and claims the child first gets the credit. They also told me that my ex would likely face penalties for not filing for multiple years, so pushing the issue would potentially create bigger problems for him. Having an official answer directly from the IRS really helped end the argument.
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Rita Jacobs
•Wait, how does this service work? Do they actually get you through to the IRS faster? That seems impossible with how bad the phone lines are.
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Khalid Howes
•There's no way this actually works. The IRS phone system is completely broken. I've called literally 50+ times this year and never got through. Sounds like a scam to me.
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Manny Lark
•Yes, they actually connect you faster! They use an automated system that navigates the IRS phone tree and waits on hold for you. Once they get through to an agent, they call you and conference you in. So instead of you personally waiting on hold for hours, their system does it. It's not a scam - it's basically the same technology that customer service departments use for callbacks, just applied to the IRS phone system. I was connected with an IRS representative in about 45 minutes when I had previously spent days trying to get through on my own.
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Khalid Howes
I take back what I said about Claimyr being a scam. After posting my skeptical comment, I was so frustrated with my tax situation that I decided to try it anyway. I honestly couldn't believe it when I got a call back telling me they had an IRS agent on the line! The agent was able to answer all my questions about my ex claiming our daughter when we have shared custody. They explained that since I provide over 50% of her support costs (even with equal physical custody), I have the right to claim her. They also explained how to document everything in case my ex tries to claim her too. This saved me so much stress - I had been trying to call the IRS myself for THREE MONTHS with no luck. Now I have official answers directly from the IRS that I can use if my ex tries to challenge me on the tax credit again.
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Ben Cooper
One thing nobody has mentioned yet - if there's no court order specifying who gets to claim the child tax credit, sometimes it makes sense to look at who benefits more financially. Tax software can help with this. In my case, my ex and I figured out that he got way more benefit from claiming our son than I did because of our income differences. So we agreed he would claim him and then give me half the extra amount he got. Might be worth running both scenarios to see what makes the most financial sense overall.
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Summer Green
•That's actually a really practical approach - do most tax software programs let you run both scenarios easily to see the difference? We hadn't considered looking at the total benefit amount.
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Ben Cooper
•Yes, most major tax software will let you run different scenarios. Just save your girlfriend's return as is, then make a copy and run through it without claiming the child to see the difference in refund amount. This shows the exact dollar value of the credit to her. If you have access to his financial info, you could do the same simulation for him (or ask him to do it). Sometimes one parent might get a $3,500 benefit while the other only gets $1,200 for the same child due to income differences and other credits that phase out. When parents cooperate, sharing based on the actual benefit amount can be fairer than just splitting 50/50.
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Naila Gordon
Just want to add that if the father suddenly decides to file taxes after several years of not filing, he could face penalties and interest from the IRS for those missed years. If he pushes this issue, it might end up costing him more than whatever he'd get from half the child tax credit.
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Cynthia Love
•This is an important point. The IRS can look back 6 years typically (sometimes more if they suspect serious issues). He might be opening himself up to scrutiny by suddenly filing again after a gap.
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Jamal Anderson
The bottom line is that your girlfriend has no legal obligation to share the child tax credit with her ex, especially since he hasn't been filing taxes for years. The IRS rules are clear - whoever claims the child as a dependent on their tax return gets the credit. Since she's already filed and received her refund, and he hasn't filed taxes in 4-5 years, there's no mechanism for him to claim the child or the credit unless he suddenly decides to file this year. Even then, his return would likely be rejected since she already claimed the child. The 50/50 custody arrangement doesn't automatically entitle him to half the tax benefits. Tax law and custody arrangements are separate issues. Unless they have a written agreement or court order specifically addressing how tax benefits should be split, she's under no obligation to share. If he's serious about wanting tax benefits, he should start filing taxes consistently and they can work out an alternating years arrangement for future tax seasons. But for this year, the credit is rightfully hers since she's the one who actually filed and claimed the child.
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