How should an unmarried couple with two kids file taxes for maximum benefits?
Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a tax situation and could use some guidance. My partner and I have been living together for 4 years but aren't married. We have two children together (ages 3 and 5). My partner makes around $120k at their corporate job and I run a small crafting business from our home that nets about $27k annually. I'm also the primary caregiver for our kids. We're trying to figure out the best way to file our taxes. My partner doesn't qualify for child tax credits due to income, but I'm wondering if there's a way to maximize our benefits. Could my partner file as Head of Household without claiming dependents while I file as Single and claim both kids to get the child tax credits and EITC? Or am I only allowed to claim one child? I'm confused about whether my partner can use HOH filing status in this situation. The tax software we tried gave us conflicting information, and I want to make sure we're doing this legally while not leaving money on the table. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
21 comments


Hailey O'Leary
So this is actually a common question for unmarried couples with children. To file as Head of Household, your partner would need to have a "qualifying person" - typically a dependent who lives with them. Since you'd be claiming both children as dependents on your tax return, your partner wouldn't qualify for HOH status and would need to file as Single. For you to claim both children and maximize tax benefits, you need to be the parent with lower income (which you are), and the children must have lived with you for more than half the year. Since you're the primary caregiver, this requirement is met. You can claim both children as dependents, file as Head of Household, and potentially qualify for the Child Tax Credit and EITC, depending on your exact income. What matters most for the IRS is where the children actually live and who provides their support, not just who has higher income. The tax code is designed to benefit the household where the children primarily reside.
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Cedric Chung
•Wait, I thought that for Head of Household status, you had to pay more than half the cost of keeping up the home? If the partner makes $120k and OP makes $27k, wouldn't the partner be paying more of the household expenses? How does that factor in?
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Hailey O'Leary
•You're asking a good question about the "keeping up a home" requirement. You're right that Head of Household requires paying more than half the cost of keeping up the home where the qualifying person lives. Even though the higher-earning partner might contribute more to overall household expenses, what matters for HOH status is who pays for maintaining the specific home where the qualifying person (dependent child) lives. If they're all living together and pooling resources, the IRS looks at who claims the child as a dependent. Since OP would be claiming both children, they would be the one eligible for HOH, not the higher-earning partner who isn't claiming any dependents.
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Talia Klein
I was in a similar situation last year and found https://taxr.ai incredibly helpful for sorting out our filing status. My girlfriend and I have a daughter together, and we were confused about who should claim what. The tool analyzed our situation and showed us that my girlfriend should file HOH with our daughter as dependent since she was the lower earner and primary caregiver, while I filed Single. The site reviews your specific household situation and shows you eligible tax credits. It saved us from making mistakes that could have triggered an audit. They specifically help with complicated family structures and dependency questions like yours. You just upload your documents and get clear guidance on the best filing approach.
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Maxwell St. Laurent
•How exactly does this work? Does it actually give you legal advice or just general information? I'm in a somewhat similar situation but my ex and I alternate years claiming our kid, and sometimes get pushback from the IRS.
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PaulineW
•Sounds like another tax prep service that's gonna charge an arm and a leg. Does it actually help with the specifics of unmarried partners with kids? Most tax software I've tried gets confused with our situation.
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Talia Klein
•The service analyzes your specific tax documents and situation rather than just giving generic advice. It's designed to handle complex scenarios like custody arrangements and gives you specific guidance based on your actual documents. It specializes in family situations like unmarried couples with children and provides clear explanations of how dependents and filing statuses work in your specific case. It's actually more affordable than most full-service tax preparation options while giving you personalized analysis of your specific situation rather than the one-size-fits-all approach of basic tax software.
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Maxwell St. Laurent
Just wanted to update after trying https://taxr.ai for my complicated custody arrangement. Holy crap, it actually worked! I was super skeptical since my ex and I alternate claiming our son each year, and it's always been a headache. The system analyzed both our situations and showed me exactly what documentation I needed to have on file to support my claim in my year. It flagged potential issues with my HOH claim and showed me how to fix them. Super clear explanations about the residency test and support requirements that my regular tax software never explained properly. Definitely recommend it for anyone with a non-traditional family setup. Saved me from making mistakes that would have likely triggered IRS questions.
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Annabel Kimball
If you're having issues figuring out your filing status, you might want to call the IRS directly to get clarification. I tried that last year for a similar situation, but I spent HOURS trying to get through. Then I found https://claimyr.com and used their service to hold my place in line. Check out how it works at https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c They called me back when an IRS agent was available, and I got clear guidance on how to file as unmarried parents. The agent confirmed that only one of us could claim HOH, and it should be the person who has the qualifying dependents. They also explained exactly what documentation we needed to keep in case of an audit. Saved me so much time and confusion!
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Chris Elmeda
•How does this actually work? Does this really get you through to the IRS faster? I've tried calling them multiple times about my situation with my partner and our kid and literally gave up after being on hold for 2+ hours.
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Jean Claude
•This sounds sketchy. Why would I pay a third party to call the IRS? Seems like they're just capitalizing on a broken system. I doubt they actually get you through any faster than waiting yourself.
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Annabel Kimball
•It works by using their automated system to continually redial and navigate the IRS phone tree until it gets a place in line. When an agent is about to be available, you get a call connecting you directly. No more waiting on hold for hours! Yes, it is frustrating that this service exists because the IRS system is broken. But when you're dealing with important tax questions like filing status for unmarried parents, sometimes you need answers directly from the IRS. I was skeptical too, but it actually worked and saved me literally hours of hold time. The peace of mind from getting official answers about our complicated family tax situation was worth it.
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Jean Claude
I take back what I said about Claimyr. I was really skeptical about paying someone else to call the IRS, but after another failed attempt to get through on my own (3 hours on hold before getting disconnected!), I tried it out of desperation. Not gonna lie, it worked exactly as advertised. Got a call back in about 90 minutes, and was connected directly to an IRS agent. The agent confirmed that in my situation with my girlfriend and our twins, only ONE of us could claim HOH status, and it should be the person claiming the dependents. Ended up saving us from filing incorrectly, which could have triggered matching notices and potential audits. Sometimes you have to admit when you're wrong, and I was definitely wrong about this service.
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Charity Cohan
I'm a single mom and my kids' father and I weren't sure how to handle our taxes when we split. What worked for us was splitting the dependents - I claim our daughter and file HOH, he claims our son and files HOH. We each provide over 50% support for the kid we claim. Maybe you and your partner could do something similar? One child could be claimed by each of you, and both file HOH? That way you'd both get some tax benefits. Just make sure whoever claims the child meets all the tests for claiming a dependent and HOH status!
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Marcus Marsh
•Thanks for sharing your experience! I'm wondering though - if we split the kids (one for each parent), would that affect the EITC calculation? Since my income is around $27k, I think claiming both might maximize that credit. Also, since we all live in the same household, can we both qualify for HOH status?
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Charity Cohan
•You're right to be concerned about the EITC - that's an important consideration! With your income being around $27k, you would likely benefit more from claiming both children for the EITC calculation since that credit increases with the number of qualifying children. Regarding both filing as HOH while living in the same household - that's actually not allowed. Since you all live together, only one of you can claim HOH status. The IRS specifically prevents two people in the same household from both claiming HOH. In your situation, with you claiming both kids, you would file HOH and your partner would file as Single. This approach would maximize your household tax benefits overall since you'd get the full EITC and child tax credits for both children.
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Josef Tearle
Just to add another option - you might consider having your higher-earning partner claim one child and file as HOH, while you claim the other child, also filing as HOH. This way, both of you get some tax benefits. This only works if you can legitimately maintain two separate households though, which doesn't sound like your situation. If you all live together in one home, only one person can claim HOH status. The other must file as Single. Also, with your business income at $27k, you'd probably benefit more from claiming both kids for EITC purposes. That credit phases out at higher incomes, so your partner wouldn't benefit from it anyway.
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Shelby Bauman
•This is actually incorrect. If they live together in the same household, they CANNOT both claim HOH status. Only one person can claim HOH for a particular household. There's no way for them to each file HOH if they're living together with their children.
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Josef Tearle
•You're absolutely right - I should have been clearer. I was trying to present it as a theoretical option that would only work if they maintained separate households, but then immediately noted that doesn't apply to their situation since they live together. When unmarried parents live together with their children in one home, only one can claim HOH status. Since the lower-earning partner would benefit most from the child-related tax credits, it makes sense for them to claim both children and file HOH, while the higher earner files as Single. Thanks for the correction - it's important to be precise with tax advice!
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Matthew Sanchez
As someone who went through a similar situation a few years ago, I can confirm what others have said - you'll want to claim both children and file as Head of Household, while your partner files as Single. The key thing to remember is that the IRS cares about who actually has custody and provides care for the children, not just who earns more money. Since you're the primary caregiver and have lower income, you'll maximize your household's overall tax benefits by claiming both kids. You'll be eligible for the full Child Tax Credit (up to $2,000 per child) and potentially significant EITC benefits with your $27k income. Your partner, making $120k, would phase out of most child-related credits anyway due to income limits. By filing as Single without dependents, they avoid any complications while you capture all the available credits. Just make sure you keep good records showing that the children lived with you for more than half the year and that you provided more than half of each child's support - even if your partner contributes more to overall household expenses, the IRS looks at support provided specifically to each child.
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Connor Byrne
•This is really helpful advice! I'm curious about the record-keeping part you mentioned. What specific documentation should someone in this situation keep to prove they provided more than half of each child's support? I'm thinking things like daycare receipts, medical expenses, clothing purchases - but are there other important records the IRS typically looks for during an audit?
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