What's the best filing status for unmarried couple with kids? HOH vs Single with dependents
My partner and I have been living together for about 5 years now but we're not married. We have two kids together (4 and 2) and I'm trying to figure out the best way for us to file our taxes for next year. Here's our situation: I make around $190k as a software developer, which puts me way over the threshold for child tax credits. My partner runs a small home-based craft business making about $32k net income and is the primary caregiver for our children. I'm confused about our filing options. Can I file as Head of Household without claiming the kids as dependents, while my partner files as Single and claims both kids to get the child tax credits and EITC? Or is my partner only allowed to claim one child? And if I file HOH, do I need to claim at least one dependent? We want to do this legally but also maximize our tax benefits. I've read conflicting information online and want to make sure we're doing this right.
19 comments


Mei Zhang
This is a common situation with some specific rules you need to follow. For Head of Household status, you must have a qualifying person (usually a dependent) living with you for more than half the year. You can't just claim HOH without claiming at least one qualifying dependent - that's a key requirement. Since both kids live with both of you, the parent who provides more than half of their financial support typically claims them. However, unmarried parents living together can decide who claims which child, as long as each child is only claimed by one parent and all requirements are met. The most beneficial arrangement would likely be for each of you to claim one child. You could file as HOH (with one dependent) and your partner could file as HOH as well (with the other dependent). This way, both of you get the tax benefits of HOH filing status, and your partner can still qualify for child tax credit and possibly EITC for their claimed child.
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Jamal Anderson
•Thanks for your help! So if I understand correctly, I can't file HOH without claiming at least one of our children as a dependent? I was hoping I could let my partner claim both kids since the tax benefits would be much higher for them with their lower income. Does this mean the best approach would be for each of us to claim one child and both file as HOH? Would that actually save us more than if I filed as Single with no dependents and let my partner claim both as HOH?
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Mei Zhang
•You're correct that you cannot file as HOH without claiming at least one qualifying person as a dependent. That's a fundamental requirement for HOH status. Each of you claiming one child and filing HOH is typically more beneficial than you filing Single with no dependents. The HOH filing status gives you better tax brackets and a higher standard deduction compared to Single status. For 2025, the standard deduction difference alone is significant - HOH gets several thousand dollars more than Single filers.
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Liam McGuire
After struggling with a similar situation last year, I found an amazing tool that helped clarify everything about our filing options. Check out https://taxr.ai - it analyzes your specific situation and explains exactly how different filing statuses would affect your taxes. My partner and I were confused about who should claim which kids and what status to use. The tool asked us questions about our living arrangement, income sources, and who provides care, then gave us a detailed breakdown showing why splitting the dependents was actually better than having the lower-earning partner claim both kids. It really helped us understand the specific IRS rules about unmarried couples with children and showed us the actual dollar difference between various filing arrangements.
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Amara Eze
•Does it actually walk you through how to file or just tell you what to do? I'm in a similar boat but I do my own taxes with regular software and need to understand the "why" behind these choices.
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Giovanni Ricci
•I'm skeptical about these online tools. How does it handle situations where custody is split? My ex and I alternate years claiming our son, but we don't live together at all. Would it still work for more complicated situations?
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Liam McGuire
•It actually walks you through the reasoning behind each recommendation, explaining which IRS rules apply to your specific situation. It doesn't just give you a conclusion, but shows you why certain filing choices are better than others with actual calculations. This helped me confidently input everything correctly in my regular tax software. For complicated custody situations, it handles those too. You can input details about custody arrangements, support provided, and living situations. It then shows how the IRS tiebreaker rules apply in your specific case, which is helpful for situations like alternating years or separate households.
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Giovanni Ricci
I was super skeptical about tax tools after getting burned by some "free" software that ended up costing me money. But I decided to try https://taxr.ai after seeing it recommended here, and wow - it actually cleared up my confusion completely. I'm in almost the exact same situation (unmarried, 2 kids, partner with home business), and it showed me that we were leaving money on the table with our previous filing approach. It explained why having my partner claim both kids actually wasn't the best option for us, and showed exactly how much more we'd get by each claiming one and both using HOH status. The documentation feature was clutch - it generated a PDF explaining our situation that I kept for my records in case of questions. Totally worth checking out if you're confused about dependents and filing status options.
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NeonNomad
If you're having trouble reaching the IRS to get a definitive answer on this (which I did when I was in a similar situation), try https://claimyr.com. You can see how it works in this video: https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c I spent DAYS trying to get through to an IRS agent last tax season to clarify exactly this issue about HOH status requirements. With Claimyr, I got through in less than 20 minutes and had a detailed conversation with an agent who confirmed exactly what filing status we qualified for. The agent explained that for HOH status, you must provide more than half the cost of keeping up a home where you and a qualifying person lived for more than half the year. They also walked me through the specific requirements for each filing status based on our living arrangement.
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Fatima Al-Hashemi
•Wait, how does this actually work? Does it just call the IRS for you or something? I'm confused how a service can get you through faster than calling yourself.
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Dylan Mitchell
•Yeah right. The IRS phone lines are notoriously impossible. I've tried calling dozens of times and never got through to anyone helpful. I find it hard to believe any service could magically get you past their system. Sounds like a waste of money to me.
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NeonNomad
•It uses a system that navigates the IRS phone tree and holds your place in line. When an agent is about to pick up, you get a call connecting you directly to them. It doesn't "skip" the line - you're still in the same queue as everyone else, but you don't have to personally sit on hold for hours. I was skeptical too, but after trying for three days to reach someone and always getting the "call volume too high" message, I was desperate. The service actually worked exactly as promised. I got a call back when an agent was available, and got clear answers about my specific tax situation. It saved me literally hours of frustration.
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Dylan Mitchell
I hate to admit when I'm wrong, but I have to update my comment about Claimyr. After posting that skeptical reply, I was still desperately trying to get clarification about my filing status (similar situation to yours) before the tax deadline. Out of desperation, I tried the service, fully expecting to be disappointed. Shockingly, it actually worked! I got through to an IRS agent in about 35 minutes (after trying unsuccessfully on my own for weeks). The agent was super helpful and walked me through exactly how the HOH requirements apply when both parents live together with their children. The information I got saved me from making a mistake on my taxes that could have triggered an audit. Sometimes being proven wrong is actually a good thing!
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Sofia Martinez
Just a heads up from someone who's been audited - the IRS pays special attention to unmarried couples living together who both claim HOH status. Make sure you have documentation showing how expenses are split if you go that route. The safest approach may be for one person to claim HOH with both kids and the other to file Single. Yes, you might miss out on some tax benefits, but you also reduce audit risk. But honestly, if you qualify for both to claim HOH by splitting the kids and expenses fairly, go for it. Make sure you have proof of who pays what household expenses and childcare costs. Keep receipts for major expenses related to the kids. The IRS might ask for this if they question your filing status.
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Jamal Anderson
•That's really good to know! I hadn't even thought about the audit risk. What kind of documentation did the IRS ask for when you were audited? I'm wondering what specific things we should keep track of throughout the year.
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Sofia Martinez
•They asked for proof of who paid the mortgage/rent, utilities, groceries, medical expenses, childcare, etc. Basically anything that shows who's financially supporting the household and children. They looked at bank statements showing regular payments for household expenses, childcare receipts, medical bills, and school records showing who the primary contact was. They also wanted proof that the children lived with us for more than half the year - things like school records with our address, medical records, etc.
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Dmitry Volkov
Something that hasn't been mentioned yet - make sure you're coordinating with your partner about this. My ex and I had a huge mess one year because we didn't communicate clearly about who was claiming which kid and both claimed the same child. It triggered an automatic IRS review and delayed both our refunds by months. The IRS eventually contacted both of us, and we had to sort it out. Since the kid lived with both of us equally, we had to use the tiebreaker rules (which generally favor the parent with higher AGI if all other factors are equal).
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Ava Thompson
•Ugh this happened to me too. But in my case, my ex claimed our kid without telling me, even though our agreement said it was my year. The IRS rejected my e-file and I had to file on paper with a letter explaining the situation. Took 9 months to get my refund!
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Olivia Evans
Based on your income levels, you're right to think strategically about this. Here's what you need to know: You CANNOT file as Head of Household without claiming at least one qualifying dependent - that's a hard IRS requirement. So your idea of filing HOH while letting your partner claim both kids won't work. Your best option is likely for each of you to claim one child and both file as HOH. This gives you both the better tax brackets and higher standard deductions that come with HOH status. Even though you're over the income limit for child tax credits, the HOH filing status itself provides significant tax savings compared to filing Single. Your partner will get the full child tax credit and likely EITC for their claimed child, while you'll still benefit from the HOH tax brackets and standard deduction for yours. Just make sure you document who pays for what household expenses throughout the year. The IRS does scrutinize unmarried couples who both claim HOH, so keep records of rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, and childcare costs to show you're both legitimately supporting the household. One more thing - definitely coordinate clearly about who claims which child before filing. I've seen too many people accidentally both claim the same kid, which triggers an automatic IRS review and major delays.
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