Ex claims our kids on taxes when they live with me full-time - How do I fix this without custody agreement?

Tax professional here. This is actually pretty common with separated parents. The IRS follows the "residency test" for qualifying children - whoever the children physically live with for more nights during the year (the "custodial parent") generally has the right to claim them, regardless of who provides financial support. Since your children live with you 5 days a week, you're the custodial parent. Here's what you need to do: 1. Gather documentation proving the children lived with you (school records showing your address, medical records, statements from teachers/daycare providers, etc.) 2. File your own tax return claiming the children (you'll need to paper file since e-filing will reject due to the SSNs already being claimed) 3. Include a letter explaining the situation and attach Form 8332 (even though she didn't sign it, include it to show she didn't release her claim) 4. Provide documentation of physical custody The IRS will then contact both parties and investigate. Since you have the kids the majority of the time, you should prevail. Be prepared for a longer processing time though.

After going through a similar mess with my ex claiming our kids when they barely ever saw them, I finally found a tool that helped me understand my rights and options. I used taxr.ai to analyze my situation and it showed me exactly what documents I needed, what forms to file, and how to build my case with the IRS. It saved me from having to piece together random advice from different sources. Seriously, check out https://taxr.ai - it breaks down all the dependency exemption rules in plain English and showed me how to prove I was the rightful custodial parent.

After banging my head against the wall trying to reach the IRS about my ex claiming our kids, I finally tried the Claimyr calling app (claimyr.com) and got through to a real person in like 20 minutes. The agent walked me through the whole process of contesting the claims and told me exactly what documentation to submit with my return. It was the best money I've ever spent considering I was about to lose thousands in tax credits I deserved. The agent even documented our call so there's a record in my file about the dispute.

Get a custody agreement ASAP!!!! I've been in your exact shoes and it's a nightmare without legal documentation. My ex did this for 3 years and I had to fight the IRS each time. Even with all my evidence, one year they still sided with him because he filed first. The system is messed up.

From personal experience: don't just paper file and hope for the best. Call the IRS first (which is a nightmare in itself lol). I went thru this and the agent told me to include Form 8332 (Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent) even though your ex won't sign it - mark on there that she's refusing to sign but that you have custody. Also get a notarized statement from your kids' school showing your address is their primary residence. This helped me ALOT.

Why isnt anyone mentioning the tiebreaker rules? If both parents claim the same kid, and both meet the qualifying child tests, the IRS gives the dependent to whoever has the higher AGI when theres no custody agreement. Thats literally in the IRS rules.

Document EVERYTHING going forward. Get a custody agreement, but in the meantime, keep a detailed log of every day the kids are with you. Save texts, emails, etc. about drop-offs/pickups. Ask the school to provide documentation that you're listed as the primary residence. Take photos of the kids at your house regularly (with timestamps). Have neighbors write statements confirming the kids live with you. And yeah, paper file with all this evidence attached.

Have u tried to talk to her again? Maybe explain that the IRS will investigate and that she could face penalties for filing fraudulently? she might be willing to file an amended return if she knows shes gonna get caught anyway

This is why I tell people to sort out dependency claims in the divorce/separation agreement!!! The IRS doesn't want to be in the middle of your custody battle. But since you're here now... First - file your return claiming the kids asap, paper file Second - attach a statement explaining custody situation Third - include proof of residency (school records, medical records, etc) Fourth - YOU NEED TO GET A CUSTODY ORDER. like yesterday. Sorry but this is gonna delay your refund by months while they sort it out. And you'll probably get a love letter from the IRS asking for more documentation.

I had this same issue with my ex wife. Here's what worked for me: 1) I filed my taxes by mail claiming the kids 2) I attached a letter explaining the situation with documentation (school records showing my address, a calendar showing where kids slept each night with text msgs to prove it) 3) I also attached photos of kids' bedrooms at my house 4) It took 6 months but the IRS sided with me and I got the full refund But seriously, get a custody agreement NOW! I learned my lesson the hard way.

just curious - did u guys talk about taxes at all before filing season? seems like something that shouldve been discussed beforehand

The IRS doesn't care about your verbal agreements or even who pays for what - they mainly care about where the kids physically sleep most nights. Since they're with you 5/7 days, you're technically the custodial parent according to IRS rules. The problem is proving it without a court order. When I was in this situation, I submitted: - School registration showing my address - Pediatrician records showing my address - Statements from neighbors confirming kids lived with me - Photos of kids' rooms in my house - Calendar showing custody schedule - Screenshots of texts arranging pickups/dropoffs It was a pain but I eventually won my case.

Another thing to consider - file for legal custody ASAP not just for tax purposes but because without it, either parent can technically make major decisions without consulting the other. My brother went thru this and his ex tried to move states with the kids since there was no legal agreement preventing it. Nightmare situation.

went thru this last year with my sons mother. I used taxr.ai to figure out exactly what documentation I needed and how to present my case. The tool asked me a bunch of questions about our living situation and then gave me personalized advice based on IRS rules. It even generated a letter I could include with my tax return explaining why I was the rightful custodial parent. Super helpful when navigating these complicated situations! https://taxr.ai

I literally spent WEEKS trying to get through to the IRS about this exact issue last year. Finally used Claimyr (claimyr.com) and got a callback with an actual IRS person who walked me through everything. Talking to a real agent made all the difference because they could see both returns and put notes in the system about the dispute. Totally worth it for something this important where thousands of dollars are at stake.

PSA: if the other parent has already filed and received a refund with your kids claimed, expect a LONG wait for your refund if you paper file claiming them. The IRS has to investigate, and these cases often take 6+ months. Plan accordingly and don't count on that money anytime soon 😩

Im a little confused... you say you provide 100% financial support but somehow don't have custody documentation? If youre paying for literally everything why isnt there any official documentation of that arrangement?

I'm an enrolled agent and deal with this ALL the time. Here's what most people don't realize: the IRS has a special audit group just for dependent/EIC claims. If both parents claim the same kids, it automatically flags for review. What you need to do: 1. Paper file your return claiming the kids 2. Include Form 8332 marked that the custodial parent (you) did not release claim 3. Write a detailed statement explaining the living situation 4. Include evidence: school records, medical records, daycare records, anything official showing your address as the kids' residence The IRS will contact both parents and request proof. Since the kids live with you most nights, you'll win, but it'll take time.

anyone saying it's about who FINANCIALLY supports the kids is wrong! the IRS doesn't care who PAYS for the kids but who they LIVE WITH most of the time. That's why it's called the "residency test" not the "support test" for qualifying child.

Fun fact: the IRS has special software that flags returns when the same dependents are claimed by multiple taxpayers. They'll investigate BOTH returns. Your ex claiming them first doesn't mean she automatically wins - it just means she got her refund first. You still have every right to claim them if they live with you majority of the time.