Will ex-spouse lose Social Security spousal benefits after remarrying? How does SSA know?

Yes, your mother will lose her ex-spousal benefits when she remarries. Social Security regulations are very clear on this - once you remarry, you can no longer collect on an ex-spouse's record except in survivor benefit situations (which don't apply here since your father is still living). Her benefit will revert to her own retirement benefit amount only. As for reporting, yes, she is legally required to report the marriage to SSA. They may eventually find out through marriage records or tax filings, but she should proactively report it to avoid potential overpayments that she'd have to pay back. Has she considered what the financial impact will be switching to just her own benefit?

my frend didnt report her remarriage for almost 2 years and then got hit with a HUGE overpayment notice!!! had to pay back like 20k to SSA. they found out when she filed taxes jointly with new husband. very messy situation dont recommend!!!

Wait a second - what if your mom's new husband has a higher benefit than her ex? Would she be eligible to claim spousal benefits on HIS record after they marry? That might offset some of the loss, right? Worth looking into before they make any decisions.

I went through EXACTLY this when I remarried at 66!!! The SSA office told me I had to report within 10 days of the marriage ceremony. They gave me a form to fill out (can't remember the number) and my benefit dropped the following month. It was AWFUL going from $2340 to just $1625. My husband and I should have just lived in sin LOL!!!

I'd recommend your mother book an appointment at her local Social Security office or call them directly to discuss her specific situation before the wedding. The rules around marriage and benefits can be complicated, and there might be aspects of her situation we're missing. One thing to note is that the Social Security Administration doesn't automatically get notified of marriages. They rely on self-reporting and periodic information exchanges with other agencies. But failing to report is considered fraud and can result in penalties beyond just repaying benefits. Your mother should weigh her options carefully. Some couples in this situation choose to have a commitment ceremony without legally marrying specifically to preserve benefits. Others determine that marriage is worth the financial impact.

I was in this EXACT situation and couldn't get through to ANYONE at Social Security for WEEKS!!! Finally found this service called Claimyr that got me through to an agent in under 10 minutes. It was amazing after all the frustration. You can check them out at claimyr.com - they have a video showing how it works here: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU. Seriously saved my sanity when I needed to figure out how remarriage would affect my benefits.

While everyone is focused on whether she should marry or not, there's another angle here. If her boyfriend has a higher benefit amount than her ex-husband, she should absolutely get married because then she could claim the higher spousal benefit on his record instead! But if his benefit is lower than her ex's, then yes, financially it makes more sense not to legally marry. The SSA doesn't care about relationship status - only legal marriage.

dont forget taxes!!! might change her tax situation too if they get married vs just living together

To summarize what everyone has said: 1. Yes, remarriage will terminate her ex-spousal benefits 2. She is legally required to report the marriage to SSA 3. Her benefit would revert to her own retirement amount 4. After marriage, she may be eligible for spousal benefits on her new husband's record 5. If she doesn't report the marriage and SSA discovers it later, she'll face overpayment recovery 6. Some couples choose not to legally marry to preserve benefits This is ultimately a personal decision balancing financial and emotional factors. Whatever she decides, make sure she understands all implications and reports any changes appropriately to avoid future complications.

I'm a Social Security case worker and wanted to add some clarification on a few points that have come up in this discussion. First, yes, remarriage does terminate divorced spousal benefits, but the timing matters - benefits stop the month after the month of remarriage, not immediately. Second, regarding reporting requirements, you have 10 days after the event to report changes, but I always recommend doing it as soon as possible to avoid complications. Third, when comparing potential spousal benefits on a new husband's record, remember that if your mother is already receiving her own retirement benefit, she would receive the higher of either her own benefit OR the spousal benefit (up to 50% of her new husband's PIA), not both combined. Finally, I'd strongly recommend getting actual benefit estimates from SSA before making this decision - the numbers matter too much to guess. The my Social Security online portal can provide benefit estimates, or she can request them by phone once she gets through to an agent.

This is such a common dilemma for people approaching remarriage! I went through something similar with my aunt a few years ago. One thing that really helped us was creating a simple spreadsheet comparing the different scenarios: 1. Current situation (ex-spousal benefits) 2. After remarriage with just her own benefit 3. After remarriage with potential new spousal benefits 4. Long-term financial impact over 10-20 years We also factored in non-financial benefits like health insurance changes, tax implications, and even estate planning considerations. Sometimes the "living together" option makes the most sense financially, but there can be other legal protections that come with marriage (medical decisions, inheritance rights, etc.) that are worth considering too. Has your mom thought about consulting with a financial planner who specializes in retirement benefits? Some offer free consultations and can help run the numbers on all these different scenarios. It might be worth the investment to get professional guidance on such a big decision.

I'm going through this exact situation right now! My mom remarried last year at 68 and we had to navigate all this complexity. Here's what I learned that might help: First, definitely get her boyfriend's benefit amount before making any decisions. My mom's new husband had a much lower benefit than her ex, so financially it would have been better not to marry legally. But they chose love over money and don't regret it. Second, the SSA online portal is actually pretty user-friendly once you get past the initial setup. I helped my mom create her account and now she can check her benefit estimates anytime. The key is having all her documents ready - birth certificate, Social Security card, and driver's license. One thing that surprised us was how quickly everything changed once she reported the marriage. Her ex-spousal benefits stopped the very next month, but the new spousal benefits on her husband's record kicked in immediately too. The transition was smoother than expected. Also, consider timing! If they're planning a summer wedding, she might want to get married early in a month so the benefit change happens at the beginning of the following month rather than losing partial benefits mid-month. The emotional aspect is huge too. My mom says the peace of mind from being legally married and having all the protections that come with it was worth the financial hit. But every situation is different!

Just wanted to add another perspective as someone who works in elder law - there's also the option of a prenuptial agreement that addresses some of the financial protections while potentially keeping Social Security benefits separate. Some couples use this approach when the benefit loss would be substantial. Also, if your mom's boyfriend has been divorced himself, it's worth checking if he might be eligible for higher benefits on his own ex-spouse's record rather than just his own work record. Sometimes people don't realize they have multiple benefit options that could change the whole calculation. One more thing - if they do decide to marry, make sure to ask SSA about any potential "protective filing" options. Sometimes there are ways to preserve certain benefit elections or timing that can minimize the financial impact. The rules are incredibly complex and even SSA representatives sometimes miss these nuances, so it's worth asking specifically about all available options for your mom's situation.

As someone who went through this decision process with my grandmother a few years ago, I want to emphasize how important it is to get ALL the numbers before deciding. We discovered that her boyfriend was actually eligible for survivor benefits from his first wife (who had passed away) that were higher than his own work record - something he had no idea about! This completely changed their financial picture when considering remarriage. Also, don't overlook state-specific benefits that might be affected. Some states have programs for seniors that consider marital status, and the tax implications can be significant depending on their combined income levels. One practical tip: if they do decide to marry, consider having the ceremony right at the beginning of a month. Since SSA benefits stop the month after marriage, this timing can help avoid losing partial benefits mid-month. The emotional toll of this decision is real too. My grandmother struggled with feeling like she had to choose between love and financial security, but ultimately decided that having a legal partner for medical decisions and other life situations was worth more than the monthly difference. Everyone's situation is different, but don't let the financial stress overshadow the personal happiness aspect entirely.