Social Security survivor benefits on ex-spouse - family drama worth it?

Oh honey, this is EXACTLY what these benefits are for! Your family clearly doesn't understand how Social Security works. You were married 20+ years, sacrificing your own career to raise children - that affects your earning potential for LIFE. You contributed to your husband's ability to have that career. Social Security recognizes this reality. That's why the system was designed to protect spouses (even ex-spouses) who did the unpaid labor of maintaining a home and raising children. I was in almost the identical situation. My ex died last year after we'd been divorced 7 years. We were married 18 years, and I mainly worked part-time while raising our kids. When I filed for survivor benefits, my ex's sister actually sent me a nasty email! I showed it to my SSA claims specialist who just shook her head and said "We see this all the time. This is YOUR entitlement."

Former SSA claims representative here. You should absolutely file for survivor benefits on your ex-spouse's record. This is a core function of the Social Security system - to provide financial security to those who sacrificed career advancement to support their family. The technical requirements are: 1. Marriage lasted at least 10 years (you had 22) 2. You're at least 60 (you're 61) 3. You haven't remarried before age 60 (doesn't sound like you have) Many people don't realize that divorced spouses have these rights, but the system was specifically designed this way. The contributions your ex-husband made to Social Security while you were married partly belong to you because you supported his ability to earn that income. As for family drama - this is unfortunately common. People often misunderstand and think you're taking something away from them, when in reality, survivor benefits to an ex-spouse don't reduce anyone else's benefits at all.

my mom had the same thing happen! her ex died and she got survivor benefits and my step siblings were FURIOUS. they thought she was stealing from them somehow lol. but she ignored them and collected anyway... its been like 8 years and they got over it eventually. do what you gotta do, those extra $$$ make a huge difference.

So tired of family members thinking they know better than the actual Social Security Administration! This is EXACTLY why these benefits exist! You spent TWO DECADES raising a family and supporting your husband's career. That's a LEGAL and MORAL entitlement! People don't understand that women (usually) who take time out of careers to raise families face a LIFETIME of reduced earnings and lower Social Security benefits. The system was designed to correct this inequity. My sister went through similar drama when claiming widow's benefits even though they were still MARRIED when he died, if you can believe it! His family thought she shouldn't get "so much money" - as if $2,400/month is some kind of jackpot! Meanwhile she gave up a promising accounting career to follow him through three state moves for HIS job. Claim your benefits and don't apologize to ANYONE!

i think you should atleast try to understand your kids feelings about this too. maybe for them its not about the money but about how they see you and their dad's relationship. divorce is hard on everyone and this might bring up old hurts. just sayin you might want to have a heart to heart with your daughter and really listen.

I went through the exact same situation when filing for survivor benefits on my ex-husband's record. The secret to getting this resolved with minimal family drama is to separate the emotional aspects from the practical financial decision. With your adult children, I'd recommend having a calm sit-down conversation explaining: 1. This isn't taking money from anyone else's benefits (his current wife's benefits aren't reduced) 2. The financial reality of how being out of the workforce impacts lifetime earnings 3. That this is simply accessing benefits you're legally entitled to based on your shared history For what it's worth, I applied for my ex-spouse survivor benefits last year when he passed away (we were married 15 years, divorced for 12). His family was initially upset, but most came around when they understood the system better. From a practical standpoint, have you tried calling SSA directly? I found it nearly impossible to get through on their 800 number until I discovered Claimyr (claimyr.com). Their service connected me to an SSA agent in under 10 minutes when I'd been trying for weeks. They have a video showing how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU. Made the whole process much less stressful.

Why are you even telling family members about your Social Security decisions? That's between you and the SSA. Not their business unless you're asking them for money.

I wanted to add - make sure when you do apply that you bring your marriage certificate AND divorce decree. I didn't bring my divorce papers when I applied and had to make a second trip. Also, you might want to request your appointment specifically with someone who handles survivor claims, as they're more familiar with the ex-spouse rules. Some of the newer reps get confused about the details for divorced spouse survivor benefits.

what about if u wait til your full retirement age? would u get more money then? sometimes its better to wait i think....