My parents are splitting up and fighting over who gets to claim us kids on their taxes this year

So my parents are getting divorced and things are getting pretty ugly. My dad has always controlled the finances and done the taxes, but now they're living separately (for about 4 months now). Yesterday I overheard them fighting on the phone about who's going to claim me and my younger brother on their tax returns. My dad was shouting that since he makes more money, he should get to claim us both to "maximize the tax benefit" or something. My mom was crying and saying that she has us more than 50% of the time so she should be able to claim us. I'm 17 and my brother is 14, and we do spend most nights at mom's apartment since dad kept the house. I don't know much about taxes but I'm worried about my mom because she's struggling financially since the separation. Dad has always handled all the money stuff and mom's just starting to figure things out on her own. Is there some kind of rule about which parent gets to claim kids when they're separated but not officially divorced yet? I want to help my mom understand her rights here. The divorce isn't final yet and they don't have any formal custody agreement that I know of.

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19 comments

Miguel Castro

•8M

The general rule is that the parent who has physical custody of the children for more nights during the tax year is considered the custodial parent for tax purposes. Since your mom has you and your brother staying with her more than 50% of the time, she would typically have the right to claim you both as dependents on her tax return. Without a formal custody agreement or divorce decree saying otherwise, the IRS looks at where the children actually lived. If you're spending most nights at your mom's place, she has a strong case to claim you both on her taxes. Your dad could still claim you both, but only if your mom signs Form 8332, which is a "Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent." She doesn't have to sign this if she doesn't want to.

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Miguel Castro

•8M

If both parents claim the same child, the IRS will apply tiebreaker rules. Since the first tiebreaker is which parent the child lived with longer during the year, your mom would likely win this dispute if she can show you lived with her for more nights. The IRS might process both returns initially, but eventually they'd send notices requiring documentation. This could delay refunds and potentially result in penalties for whoever incorrectly claimed the children. It's much better if your parents can work this out before filing their returns.

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Connor O'Neill

•8M

Just wanted to share my experience here. I went through a similar situation with my ex and the tax confusion made everything harder. I found this AI tax assistant at https://taxr.ai that helped me understand exactly what my rights were with claiming my kids. It analyzed my specific situation and gave me the exact forms I needed to bring to my tax appointment. The thing that really helped was that it explained everything in normal words, not tax jargon. It showed me that since I had the kids 4 nights a week on average, I was definitely the custodial parent for tax purposes and could claim them both regardless of what my ex wanted.

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Connor O'Neill

•8M

Yes, it absolutely works for complex situations. The tool walks you through questions about your specific custody arrangement, including 50/50 splits, and helps determine who has the legal right to claim dependents. It also addresses situations where agreements aren't being followed and provides documentation guidelines. As for state laws, it covers both federal tax rules (which are what matter most for dependent claims) and state-specific guidelines. It explains where these might differ and how to handle filing in your particular state. The nice thing is it creates a personalized document explaining your situation that you can save for your records if there's ever a dispute.

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Yara Khalil

•8M

I was really skeptical about using an online tool for something as complicated as taxes during a divorce, but I gave https://taxr.ai a try after seeing it mentioned here. It totally surprised me. I uploaded our temporary custody agreement (which was super confusing) and the tool actually highlighted the specific parts that affected tax filing status. It showed me that even though we had joint legal custody, I was still entitled to claim our son because he lived with me more nights. The tool generated a letter explaining my right to claim him that I sent to my ex, and he actually backed down from fighting me on it. Saved me so much stress and probably an audit headache too.

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Keisha Brown

•8M

Have your mom call the IRS directly to understand her rights. When my ex and I separated, he tried pulling the same controlling garbage about taxes. The problem is getting through to an actual human at the IRS is nearly impossible - I spent HOURS on hold and got disconnected three times. I ended up using https://claimyr.com which got me a callback from the IRS in about 45 minutes instead of waiting on hold all day. You can see how it works at https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c. The IRS agent explained everything your mom needs to know about being the custodial parent and her rights regarding claiming dependents. The agent also told me what documentation to keep in case my ex tried to claim our kids incorrectly (which he did try to do!). Getting that official guidance directly from the IRS made all the difference.

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Keisha Brown

•8M

It's not scheduling a callback - what they do is navigate the IRS phone tree for you and wait on hold in your place. When they reach a human agent, they call you and connect you directly to that agent. You don't have to sit there listening to hold music for hours. I didn't have to provide any sensitive tax information to use the service. They just need your phone number to call you back when they get an agent on the line. And regarding the IRS appointment system - that's for in-person appointments which can take weeks to get scheduled. This gets you immediate phone help for urgent questions like the one OP is dealing with.

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Amina Toure

•8M

I need to apologize for being so negative about Claimyr. I was really skeptical and thought it sounded too good to be true, but my situation got desperate when my ex filed claiming both kids despite our agreement saying it was my year. I tried Claimyr as a last resort and got through to an actual IRS person in about an hour. They walked me through filing Form 8379 (Injured Spouse Allocation) and explained exactly what documentation I needed to prove the kids lived with me. The agent also flagged my account with notes about the situation. My refund was initially delayed but eventually processed correctly with my dependent claims intact. Saved me thousands and the peace of mind was worth it.

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Oliver Weber

•8M

Something important that nobody's mentioned yet - if your mom qualifies as Head of Household filing status (which she probably does if the kids live with her most of the time), this gives her a much better tax situation than filing as Single. The standard deduction is bigger and the tax brackets are more favorable. Plus, if her income is low enough, she might qualify for Earned Income Credit which can be worth thousands. Your dad might be trying to claim you guys to get these benefits himself.

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Oliver Weber

•8M

She would need to select "Head of Household" as her filing status when completing her tax return. It's not automatic. To qualify, she needs to meet three requirements: 1) Be unmarried or considered unmarried on the last day of the year (separated but not legally divorced usually counts), 2) Pay more than half the cost of keeping up her home for the year, and 3) Have a qualifying person (like you and your brother) living with her for more than half the year. The difference between filing as Single vs. Head of Household can be significant. For example, the standard deduction is about $3,000 higher, and the tax brackets are more generous. This could potentially save her thousands depending on her income.

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FireflyDreams

•8M

OP, one thing to be aware of - your age matters here. Since you're 17, this might be the last year you can be claimed as a dependent (unless you're a full-time student next year). Your 14-year-old brother will still be a dependent for several more years. The parent who claims you also gets other potential benefits like education credits if you're in college soon. Sometimes parents agree to split the kids (each claims one) or alternate years. But without an agreement, custody percentage is what matters most.

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Javier Morales

•8M

this happened to us and my dad claimed me and my sister even tho we lived with mom most of the time. the irs ended up auditing both of them and it was a huge mess. mom had to get old school records and doctor visit forms to prove we lived w/ her. dad got hit with a penalty for filing wrong and had to pay back the refund he got. it took like 8 months to sort out and made everything between them way worse. tell ur mom to document everything!! keep school records showing ur address at her place, medical stuff, anything official that shows u guys live with her.

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