Can I get EDD PFL benefits after losing my spouse? Single parent struggling with grief
My husband passed away unexpectedly last week, and I'm completely devastated. I have two young children (6 and 9) who are having a really hard time processing this loss. I tried going back to work yesterday but had to leave early - just couldn't focus and kept breaking down. My boss is being understanding but I don't have much paid leave left. Does California's PFL cover this kind of situation? Can I take time off to help my kids (and myself) process our grief? Or would I need to apply for something else like unemployment? I've never dealt with any of this before and I'm overwhelmed with everything right now. Any advice would be appreciated.
26 comments


Libby Hassan
I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes, California's Paid Family Leave does offer benefits for caregiving for family members, which includes caring for your children during this difficult time. This would be under the 'caregiving' portion of PFL, not the baby bonding part. You should qualify for up to 8 weeks of partial wage replacement. You'll need to fill out the DE2508 form and specify that you're providing care for your children who are experiencing serious emotional distress after losing their father. Your doctor or your children's doctor/therapist will need to certify this need for care on the form. This is different from unemployment, which is for when you've lost your job but are able to work.
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Levi Parker
•Thank you so much for this information. I had no idea this was covered. Do I need to get my kids to a therapist first to get documentation, or can our regular pediatrician fill out whatever forms are needed? And how long does it typically take to get approved? I'm worried about paying bills next month.
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Hunter Hampton
Sorry about ur husband. I went thru something similar last year. Not spouse but my mom died suddenly and I was her caregiver. I tried the PFL thing but u need actual medical documentation that ur kids need care. not just grief but like actual diagnosis or something. was super frustrating. i ended up just taking unpaid leave from work cuz the paperwork was 2 much while grieving.
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Levi Parker
•I'm so sorry about your mom. Thanks for sharing your experience - that's what I'm worried about. Everything feels impossible right now, and the thought of complicated paperwork is overwhelming. Did you try calling EDD directly to get help with the process?
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Sofia Peña
I'm very sorry about your husband. To clarify some information about PFL for caregiving: You would need medical certification that your children require care due to a serious health condition, which can include diagnosed psychological conditions resulting from their loss. The challenge here is that standard grief, while absolutely devastating, isn't automatically qualified as a serious health condition under PFL unless a healthcare provider determines it has manifested as a diagnosable condition requiring care. I would recommend: 1) Talk to your children's pediatrician or a mental health provider 2) Explain your situation clearly to them 3) If they believe your children's grief response constitutes a serious health condition requiring your care, they can complete the medical certification portion of the DE2508 form 4) Submit your claim online through SDI Online for faster processing. Alternative options include bereavement leave (if your employer offers it), FMLA/CFRA for job protection (though unpaid), or asking about a leave donation program at your workplace.
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Levi Parker
•Thank you for explaining this so clearly. I'll call our pediatrician tomorrow and see what they say. We have an appointment next week anyway. Is there any way to speed up the process once I submit the claim? I'm getting anxious about the financial side of things.
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Aaron Boston
When my brother died, I couldn't get through to EDD for weeks to ask questions about my options. Totally frustrating!! Try using Claimyr - it's a service that gets you through to an actual EDD agent quickly. Saved me hours of waiting on hold. They have a video showing how it works here: https://youtu.be/DOLxZQb92wM?si=6N1iCQ3a8Cdb2Ay5 and the website is claimyr.com. Dealing with bureaucracy while grieving is the WORST. Hang in there and so sorry for your loss.
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Sophia Carter
•i used claimyr too for my disability claim and it works but seems weird to have to pay extra just to talk to EDD 🙄 shouldnt we already be able to reach them easily??? the system is so broken
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Levi Parker
•Thank you for this suggestion. I'll check out that website. I tried calling EDD once this morning and gave up after being on hold for 45 minutes. I just don't have the emotional bandwidth for that right now, so if there's a way to get through faster, that might be worth it.
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Chloe Zhang
The above advice is mostly correct, but I want to add some important nuance based on my experience as someone who lost my spouse in 2023. There are actually TWO possible ways to qualify for PFL in your situation: 1) As a caregiver for your children if they develop diagnosable conditions requiring your care, OR 2) For your OWN serious health condition if you develop depression, anxiety disorder, etc. that prevents you from working. For #2, you'd apply for State Disability Insurance (SDI) first, not PFL. My grief manifested as major depression, and I qualified for 3 months of SDI followed by the 8 weeks of PFL for caregiving for my daughter who developed anxiety. Also, you should apply for Social Security survivor benefits for your children immediately - this is different from EDD and provides monthly benefits to minor children who've lost a parent. Don't wait on that one!
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Levi Parker
•I didn't even think about the possibility of getting help for my own mental health through SDI. I'm definitely struggling too. And thank you so much for mentioning Social Security survivor benefits - I had no idea about that. Should I just go to the Social Security office to apply for that?
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Brandon Parker
Im so sorry for your loss, thats devastating. One thing to consider that nobody has mentioned yet is that if you have any short-term disability insurance through your employer, you might be able to get benefits that way too. A lot of people dont realize they have this coverage. My therapist helped me get short term disability coverage through my work policy when I was going through a major depressive episode after a personal tragedy. It paid better than state benefits (like 70% of my salary instead of the lower amount from EDD). Worth checking your employee handbook or asking HR if you have that benefit available.
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Levi Parker
•That's a really good point. I'm going to look through my employee handbook tonight. My company is pretty good with benefits, so maybe there's something there I'm not aware of. Thank you!
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Libby Hassan
Coming back to add more information now that you've received advice about both PFL and SDI options. Whichever route you pursue, here are some tips to make the process smoother: 1) Get the medical certification done as soon as possible - this is often the biggest delay 2) Apply online through SDI Online rather than by mail 3) When you create your online account, save your account number somewhere safe 4) Be very specific about symptoms and care needs on the application 5) If you need to follow up, call early in the morning (8:00am exactly) for the best chance of getting through 6) Check your spam folder regularly as EDD emails sometimes end up there 7) If you go the SDI route first, make sure to transition to PFL before your SDI benefits end. The most common processing time for these claims is 2-3 weeks if all documentation is clear and complete.
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Levi Parker
•Thank you so much for all this detailed information. I've made a checklist of everything I need to do based on everyone's advice. I'm calling our doctor first thing tomorrow, and I'll be looking into both the PFL and SDI options. I really appreciate everyone's help during this awful time.
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Yara Khalil
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Losing a spouse is one of life's most devastating experiences, and having to navigate bureaucracy while grieving feels impossible. Based on what others have shared, I want to emphasize a few key points that might help: First, don't feel pressured to choose just one option - you can potentially qualify for both SDI for your own mental health needs AND PFL for caregiving for your children. Many people don't realize you can use both programs sequentially. Second, when you speak with your doctor or your children's pediatrician, be very honest about the severity of your symptoms and your children's needs. Grief can absolutely manifest as serious health conditions requiring medical care and time off work. Third, while you're waiting for benefits to process, see if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) - many offer free counseling sessions and can sometimes provide emergency financial assistance. Finally, consider reaching out to local grief support groups or hospice organizations - they often have resources and advocates who understand the system better than most. You're not alone in this, and it's okay to ask for all the help you need right now. Take care of yourself and your children first - everything else can wait.
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Vanessa Chang
•Thank you so much for this compassionate and comprehensive response. You're absolutely right that this feels impossible right now - I'm barely keeping my head above water. The idea that I might be able to use both SDI and PFL is really helpful to know. I hadn't thought about an Employee Assistance Program either, but I'll definitely ask HR about that tomorrow. The suggestion about grief support groups is something I keep putting off, but maybe it's time to look into that for both me and the kids. Everyone here has been so generous with their advice during what feels like the darkest time of my life. I'm going to print out all these responses so I have a roadmap to follow. Thank you again for taking the time to help a stranger.
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Amun-Ra Azra
I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss. What you're going through is unimaginably difficult. I wanted to add one more resource that might help - many counties in California have bereavement coordinators through their social services departments who can help navigate multiple benefit programs at once. They're specifically trained to help families dealing with sudden loss and can often expedite applications or connect you with emergency assistance while waiting for benefits to process. You might also want to contact 211 (dial 2-1-1) - it's a free service that connects people to local resources including emergency financial assistance, food banks, and grief counseling services. They often know about programs that aren't widely advertised. Also, if you're struggling to complete paperwork, many community organizations and some libraries offer free assistance with government forms. You shouldn't have to navigate this bureaucratic maze alone while grieving. Sending you strength during this incredibly difficult time.
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Mateo Hernandez
•This is incredibly helpful information that I hadn't come across yet. The idea of a bereavement coordinator sounds exactly like what I need right now - someone who understands the whole picture and can help coordinate everything. I'm going to call 211 tomorrow morning before I start making all the other calls. It would be such a relief to have someone guide me through this process instead of trying to figure it all out on my own while everything feels so overwhelming. Thank you for mentioning the library assistance with forms too - I never would have thought of that, but it makes sense. I really appreciate you taking the time to share these resources.
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Jayden Hill
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Losing your husband and trying to care for your children while navigating your own grief is overwhelming beyond words. I want to add something that might help with the timing aspect since you mentioned worrying about paying bills - while you're getting the medical documentation together for PFL/SDI, you should also immediately contact your local United Way or Catholic Charities (regardless of religion, they help everyone). They often have emergency financial assistance programs specifically for families dealing with sudden death of a breadwinner. Many can provide help with utilities, groceries, or even rent within days rather than weeks. Also, if your husband had any life insurance through his employer, contact HR immediately - some policies include accelerated grief counseling benefits or temporary financial assistance that kicks in faster than the main policy payout. One more thing - if you're feeling overwhelmed by all these suggestions (which is completely understandable), consider asking a trusted friend or family member to be your "advocate" who can make some of these calls for you. Most agencies will talk to someone calling on your behalf if you give verbal permission at the start of the call. You don't have to do this alone, and there's no shame in accepting every bit of help available to you right now. Take care of yourself.
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Paolo Ricci
•This is such valuable advice about immediate financial assistance - thank you for thinking of those practical urgent needs. I hadn't even considered contacting United Way or Catholic Charities, but you're right that waiting weeks for benefits to process isn't realistic when bills are due next week. I'm going to call them tomorrow along with 211. And you make a really good point about having someone help make these calls. My sister has been asking what she can do to help, and maybe this is exactly what I need - someone who can handle some of these conversations when I'm too emotional or overwhelmed to think clearly. I keep forgetting to ask about life insurance through his work too, so I'll add that to my list. Thank you for being so thoughtful about all the different aspects of what I'm dealing with right now. It means more than you know.
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Natasha Orlova
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your children during this unimaginably difficult time. Reading through all the excellent advice here, I want to emphasize one thing that might get lost in all the details - please don't feel like you have to figure everything out at once or make perfect decisions right now. You're in crisis, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. Based on what everyone has shared, here's what I'd suggest focusing on first: 1. Call your pediatrician AND your own doctor - explain the situation and ask about documentation for both your children's needs and your own mental health 2. Contact your HR department about EAP, short-term disability, and any bereavement benefits 3. Call 211 for immediate local resources and emergency assistance 4. Ask your sister or another trusted person to help make some of these calls when you're not up for it One thing I haven't seen mentioned - if your children's school has a counselor, reach out to them too. They often have experience with grief-related situations and can provide documentation of how the loss is affecting your children's ability to function, which could support your PFL application. You're being an incredible parent by seeking help for your family during the worst possible time. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this process. The bureaucracy is frustrating even under normal circumstances - it's not a reflection of your ability to handle things. Sending you strength and hoping you get the support you need quickly.
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Nia Thompson
•Thank you so much for this incredibly thoughtful and organized response. You're absolutely right that I don't need to figure everything out at once - I've been putting so much pressure on myself to handle all of this perfectly when I can barely get through each day. Breaking it down into these specific first steps makes it feel much more manageable. I hadn't thought about contacting the school counselor, but that's brilliant - they've already been asking how they can support the kids during this transition back to school. Having them potentially provide documentation about how this is affecting the children academically and emotionally could be really helpful for the PFL application. Your reminder to be gentle with myself really hit home. I keep feeling like I should be stronger or more capable right now, but you're right - I'm in crisis and it's okay to not have all the answers immediately. Thank you for the permission to take this one step at a time and for acknowledging how overwhelming the system can be even under normal circumstances. Everyone in this thread has been so incredibly kind and helpful during the worst time of my life.
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Giovanni Mancini
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Losing your husband so suddenly while having to care for young children is beyond devastating, and I can only imagine how overwhelming everything must feel right now. I wanted to add one practical resource that might help while you're navigating all the benefit applications - many hospitals and medical centers have financial counselors or social workers who specialize in helping families access benefits during medical crises or family emergencies. Even if you're not currently receiving medical care there, they often provide free consultations and can help you understand which programs you're most likely to qualify for quickly. Also, since you mentioned your boss is being understanding, it might be worth asking HR if your company participates in any leave-sharing programs where other employees can donate their unused vacation days to colleagues in emergency situations. Some companies have these but don't advertise them widely. One more thing - if you have any joint accounts or shared finances, make sure to contact your bank about your situation. Many banks have hardship programs that can temporarily reduce or defer certain fees and payments while you get benefits sorted out. The advice everyone has given you here is excellent, and I hope you're able to get the support you and your children need during this incredibly difficult time. Please don't hesitate to lean on your community - that's what we're here for. You're doing everything you can as a parent in an impossible situation.
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NeonNomad
•Thank you for these additional practical suggestions - the hospital financial counselor idea is something I never would have thought of, but it makes perfect sense. I'm going to call the hospital where my husband was taken and see if they have someone like that available. The leave-sharing program is also worth asking about - I know some of my coworkers have mentioned wanting to help but not knowing how. And you're absolutely right about contacting the bank. I've been so focused on government benefits that I forgot about potentially getting some temporary relief on our regular financial obligations while everything gets sorted out. It's amazing how many resources are available that I just didn't know about. Everyone in this community has been so generous with their knowledge and support during what feels like an impossible situation. Thank you for taking the time to share these ideas and for the reminder that it's okay to lean on others right now.
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Connor Murphy
I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your husband. What you and your children are going through is heartbreaking, and it takes tremendous strength to even think about navigating these systems while grieving. Reading through all the wonderful advice here, I wanted to add one more resource that might help bridge the gap while you're waiting for benefits to process - many local churches, temples, and community organizations have emergency assistance funds specifically for families dealing with sudden loss, regardless of whether you're a member. They often can provide immediate help with groceries, utilities, or even temporary childcare so you can attend appointments or handle paperwork. Also, since you mentioned your children are 6 and 9, you might want to reach out to local children's grief support organizations like Judi's House (if you're in Colorado) or similar programs in your area. Many offer both individual and family counseling specifically designed for children who have lost a parent, and these professionals are very familiar with providing the documentation needed for PFL applications. One practical tip: as you're making all these calls and applications, keep a simple notebook or use your phone to track who you spoke with, when, and what they told you. Grief brain is real, and it's easy to forget important details or instructions when you're overwhelmed. You're doing an amazing job trying to take care of your family during an impossible time. Please be patient with yourself as you work through this process, and don't hesitate to accept help from every resource available. Your children are lucky to have such a caring parent fighting for them during this tragedy.
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