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Can both ex-spouse and current spouse claim Social Security survivor benefits on the same deceased person?

My father passed away last month and there's some confusion about survivor benefits. He was married to my mom for 22 years before they divorced in 2006. He then remarried in 2010 and was with his second wife until his death. Both marriages were over 10 years long. My mom never remarried after the divorce. Now both my mom (the ex) and his widow are planning to file for survivor benefits. Is this even allowed? Can they both collect survivor benefits based on his record? The funeral was already tense enough and now this financial question is making things worse. I'm trying to help them understand their options without adding to the family drama.

Yes, both your mom (ex-spouse) and his widow can potentially receive survivor benefits based on your father's work record. To qualify, your mom needs to meet these conditions: 1) she was married to him for at least 10 years, 2) she's at least 60 years old (50 if disabled), 3) she didn't remarry before age 60, and 4) the benefit she'd get on her own record is less than what she'd receive on his. His widow qualifies if she was married for at least 9 months before his death and meets the same age requirements. The good news is that survivor benefits paid to one doesn't reduce the amount available to the other - the full amount is payable to each eligible person.

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Thank you so much for this clear explanation! Mom is 67 and definitely worked less than dad during their marriage (she stayed home with us kids for several years). His widow is 63. So it sounds like potentially both could qualify. Would they both get the same amount? And do they need to coordinate their applications with each other or just deal with SSA separately?

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sry but ur mom might be out of luck. my uncle tried to get benefits from his ex-wife when she died and SSA said no bc he remarried. rules r complicated

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Just to clarify, the remarriage rule is important, but it depends on WHEN the remarriage occurred. If remarriage happens AFTER age 60 (or age 50 if disabled), the ex-spouse can still qualify for survivor benefits. In this case, OP mentioned the mom never remarried after the divorce, so she's still eligible.

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I've been through a similar situation when my father passed last year. My parents were divorced and both my mom and his widow applied for benefits. It was super stressful! They didn't tell each other at first and both were worried they wouldn't get anything if the other one applied first. But in the end, they BOTH got survivor benefits! The amounts were different though. My mom got less than his widow did. Something about the ex-spouse benefit being limited to a certain percentage? I should have written it down when the SSA agent explained it to me. Have either of them contacted SSA yet?

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That's reassuring to hear that it worked out in your family's case. My mom has been trying to call SSA for days but can't get through to anyone. His widow made an appointment at the local office for next week. I was hoping to get some clarity before then so I could help explain things to both of them. They don't communicate directly with each other which makes this all harder.

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Dealing with SSA after a death is extremely frustrating. I spent WEEKS trying to get through on their 800 number when my husband died. Always busy or disconnected after waiting an hour!! I finally used a service called Claimyr (claimyr.com) that got me a callback from SSA within about 30 minutes. They have a video showing how it works: https://youtu.be/Z-BRbJw3puU. Saved me so much frustration! Both your mom and stepmom might want to try this instead of waiting forever to get answers about their benefits.

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Thanks for the suggestion! I'll definitely look into this. My mom's been calling repeatedly with no luck, and I think having an actual person explain her specific situation would be really helpful. I'll send her that link.

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I used this service too! It was such a relief after days of busy signals and disconnections. The SSA agent who called me back was actually super helpful once I finally got to talk to a real person.

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I work with retirement planning and see this situation fairly often. Here's what's important to understand about ex-spouse and current spouse survivor benefits: 1. The current widow will typically receive 100% of the deceased's benefit amount if she claims at her full retirement age. 2. The ex-spouse can receive up to 100% of what the deceased worker would have received, BUT this is reduced if she claims before her full retirement age. Both claims are handled completely separately by SSA. Each person files their own claim and it has zero impact on the other person's benefits. They don't need to coordinate applications or even be aware of each other's claiming status. One important note: If either woman has her own substantial work record, she should compare her own retirement benefit with the survivor benefit. In some cases, it makes sense to take one benefit now and switch to the other later.

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Wait I'm confused... I thought survivor benefits were always just 75% of what the deceased worker got? That's what my neighbor told me when her hubby passed.

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There's often confusion between different types of Social Security benefits. The 75% figure typically applies to survivor benefits for a dependent child, or to spousal benefits (when both spouses are living). For a widow(er) or surviving divorced spouse who has reached full retirement age, the survivor benefit can be up to 100% of the deceased worker's benefit amount.

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When my best friend's father died last year, both her mom (current wife) and his ex filed for survivor benefits, and the whole thing caused a HUGE family fight. Just prepare yourself that this might get ugly, especially if either side thinks the other is getting more money or 'taking' benefits from them. Even though technically they don't affect each other, people get VERY emotional about money after a death. In my friend's case, there was actually a problem because her mom had been receiving spousal benefits already while he was alive, and that complicated her survivor claim. Just something to be aware of - the situation might be different if either wife was already getting any type of benefit.

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That's a good point - I think his widow was already receiving some kind of spousal benefit since she retired a couple years ago. I'll make sure to mention that when she talks to SSA. And yes, unfortunately, the emotional tensions are already high. I'm trying to help them both understand that one doesn't take away from the other.

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Another important factor is the timing of when they each file. Filing for survivor benefits before full retirement age results in a reduction. At age 60, you'd get about 71.5% of the full survivor benefit. Each year you wait after that (until FRA) increases the percentage. Since you mentioned your mom is 67 and his widow is 63, this might affect how much each receives. Also, if your father had already started his Social Security benefits, the survivor benefit calculation gets more complex and might involve the 'Limited Income Widow(er)' benefit - or RIB-LIM provision. This can sometimes result in a higher payment, but it's one of the most complicated calculations SSA performs.

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Thank you for this additional information. My father had started his benefits at 62 (he was 73 when he passed), so I guess the RIB-LIM provision might apply. I'll make sure both my mom and his widow ask specifically about this when they speak with SSA. It's starting to make sense why they both need to have individual conversations with SSA about their specific situations.

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This is y the SS system is so messed up!! One guy works and now 2 different women get benefits??? My cousin pays into SS for 40 yrs and barely gets anything for himself but his exes can cash in when he's gone? The whole thing is rigged

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The system is actually designed this way intentionally to recognize the economic contribution of spouses, including those who may have given up career opportunities to raise children or support the household. Your cousin's benefit amount is based on his own earnings record, while survivor benefits reflect the reality that many families made joint decisions that affected both spouses' earning potential. It's not about someone 'cashing in' but providing financial stability after the loss of a spouse or ex-spouse.

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Thank you everyone for the helpful information! I talked to both my mom and my stepmom separately and explained that they can both apply without affecting each other's benefits. They seemed relieved, though I think they're both still a bit skeptical. My mom is going to try that Claimyr service to get through to SSA faster instead of continuing to wait on hold. I'll update once they've both had their appointments and we know for sure what they'll receive. It's such a relief to know that this doesn't have to be another source of family conflict.

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Please do update us! When I went through this with my family, the actual benefit amounts were different than what we expected. There are so many little rules and exceptions that can affect the final number.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through something very similar when my dad passed away three years ago. He had been divorced from my mom for over 15 years and remarried, and we faced the exact same confusion about survivor benefits. What really helped our family was having both women apply at the same time and being completely transparent with each other about the process. Even though SSA handles each claim separately, it reduced a lot of the anxiety and suspicion when they both knew what the other was doing. One thing I learned is that the local SSA offices are often much more helpful than the phone lines - if either of them can get an in-person appointment, that tends to go smoother. The staff there seemed more patient explaining all the different scenarios and exceptions. Wishing your family peace during this difficult time.

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Thank you for sharing your experience, Zoe. That's really helpful advice about transparency between both parties. I think you're right that some of the tension comes from not knowing what the other person is doing or whether it might affect their own claim. I hadn't thought about suggesting they coordinate their applications, but that could actually help reduce the family stress. The in-person appointment tip is great too - his widow already has one scheduled for next week, so maybe I can encourage my mom to schedule one as well instead of just relying on the phone callback service. It's comforting to hear from someone who's been through this exact situation.

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I'm really sorry for your loss. This is such a difficult time for your family, and dealing with benefit questions on top of grief is incredibly stressful. From what I've seen in similar situations, it's actually quite common for both an ex-spouse and current spouse to be eligible for survivor benefits - the SSA system is designed to handle this. One thing that might help ease tensions is to frame this as both women having earned these benefits through their respective marriages and contributions to the family. Your mom supported your dad and the household for 22 years, and his widow did the same for 15 years. Neither is taking anything away from the other - they're both entitled to the security that comes from those partnerships. It sounds like you're being a great advocate for both of them by helping them understand the process and keeping things peaceful.

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Thank you so much for that perspective, Harper. You're absolutely right about framing it as both women having earned these benefits through their contributions. That's actually a really helpful way to think about it that I hadn't considered before. My mom did sacrifice a lot of her career to raise us kids and support the household during their marriage, and his widow also made similar sacrifices in her relationship with dad. I think presenting it this way - as recognition of their respective contributions rather than some kind of competition - might help both of them feel more comfortable about the whole situation. I really appreciate everyone's advice here. It's giving me the tools to help navigate this sensitively with both sides of the family.

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I'm sorry for your loss. This is definitely a confusing situation, but the good news is that both your mom and your father's widow can potentially receive survivor benefits without one affecting the other. The Social Security system recognizes that people can have multiple marriages, and benefits are calculated independently for each eligible person. One thing I'd recommend is encouraging both women to gather their documentation before contacting SSA - things like marriage certificates, divorce decree, death certificate, and their own Social Security statements. Having everything ready will make their conversations with SSA much smoother. Also, since you mentioned the funeral was already tense, it might help to remind both sides that survivor benefits aren't a zero-sum game - one person getting benefits doesn't reduce what's available to the other. This is built into how the system works. The timing of their applications doesn't matter either - they don't need to coordinate or worry about who files first. Each will be evaluated based on their own eligibility and circumstances.

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That's excellent advice about gathering documentation beforehand, Amara. I hadn't thought about having them prepare all those documents in advance, but that would definitely make the process smoother. I'll make sure both my mom and his widow have copies of everything - the marriage certificates, divorce decree, death certificate, and their Social Security statements. You're also absolutely right about emphasizing that this isn't a competition. I think part of the family tension comes from people not understanding how the system actually works and assuming it's first-come-first-served or something like that. Having concrete information about how benefits are calculated independently should help put everyone at ease. Thank you for the practical guidance!

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I'm so sorry for your loss. This is such a difficult situation to navigate while grieving. I went through something very similar when my stepfather passed away two years ago. Both his ex-wife and my mother were eligible for survivor benefits, and the whole family was worried it would turn into a legal battle. What I learned is that the Social Security Administration is actually very experienced with these situations - it's more common than you might think. Both women can absolutely receive benefits based on your father's record, and the amounts are calculated completely independently. One thing that really helped our family was having a brief conversation where both parties acknowledged they were going to apply, just so there were no surprises. It didn't eliminate all the awkwardness, but it prevented a lot of unnecessary drama. Also, I'd suggest that both your mom and his widow ask SSA specifically about the timing of when to claim. Since they're different ages and may have different financial situations, the optimal claiming strategy might be different for each of them. Sometimes it makes sense to delay claiming to get a higher benefit amount. The most important thing I learned was that this isn't about anyone "deserving" benefits more than someone else - both marriages were significant parts of your father's life, and the system recognizes that.

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Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Oliver. It's really reassuring to hear from someone who's been through this exact situation with their family. Your point about SSA being experienced with these cases is something I hadn't really considered - I guess I assumed our situation was unusual, but it sounds like it's actually pretty common. I really like your suggestion about having both parties acknowledge they're going to apply just to avoid surprises. That seems like a simple step that could prevent a lot of unnecessary tension. I think I'll suggest this approach when I talk to them both. The timing aspect is also something I hadn't fully thought through - since mom is 67 and his widow is 63, their optimal strategies might indeed be different. I'll make sure they both ask SSA about timing when they have their conversations. Your last point really resonates with me - framing this as recognition of both significant relationships rather than a competition. That's exactly the perspective I want to help my family adopt.

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I'm so sorry for your loss, and I can understand how overwhelming this must be on top of everything else you're dealing with. I work in elder law and see these situations frequently, so I wanted to add a few practical points that might help. First, you're getting great advice here - both women can absolutely receive survivor benefits independently. What I'd emphasize is that the SSA has very specific procedures for these cases, and the representatives are trained to handle them sensitively. One thing I always tell families is to encourage both parties to ask SSA about the "protective filing date" when they first make contact. This can sometimes preserve an earlier filing date even if it takes a while to get all the paperwork together. Also, if either woman is currently receiving any type of Social Security benefit (retirement, spousal, etc.), the transition to survivor benefits has special rules that are worth discussing. Given the family tensions you mentioned, it might help to remind everyone that your father paid into Social Security throughout his working years with the understanding that it would provide security for his family members. Both of these women were part of his family at different times, and the system is designed to honor those relationships. This isn't about taking anything away from anyone - it's about the security your father earned for the people he loved. Wishing your family peace during this difficult time.

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Thank you so much for this professional perspective, Aisha. The protective filing date is something I hadn't heard about before - that sounds really important to mention to both of them when they contact SSA. I'll make sure they ask about that right away. Your point about the transition rules for people already receiving benefits is also crucial - I believe his widow was getting spousal benefits, so that could definitely affect her situation. I really appreciate how you framed this as honoring the security my father earned for the people he loved. That's such a compassionate way to think about it, and I think it will help both women feel more at peace with the process. Sometimes having that perspective from someone who works with these cases professionally really helps validate that this is normal and appropriate. Thank you for taking the time to share your expertise during what I know is a difficult time for our family.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. This situation is actually more common than you might think, and I wanted to share some additional perspective that might help ease the family tensions. One thing that often gets overlooked in these discussions is that survivor benefits are calculated based on what's called the "family maximum" - but this applies per beneficiary category, not as a total pool that gets divided up. So your mom as an ex-spouse and his widow as a current spouse are in different categories, which is why one doesn't reduce the other's benefit. Also, since you mentioned both marriages were over 10 years, both women clearly meet the duration requirements. The fact that your mom never remarried before age 60 keeps her eligible, and the current widow's eligibility is straightforward. I'd suggest having both of them ask SSA about their "benefit estimate" rather than just whether they qualify. Sometimes the actual dollar amounts can be quite different based on factors like when your father started his benefits, their own work records, and their current ages. Understanding the specific numbers might help reduce some of the anxiety about the financial aspects. The most important thing to remember is that this system exists precisely because lawmakers recognized that people's lives are complex, and families take many different forms over time. Your father's contributions to Social Security were made with the understanding that they would provide security for his eligible family members - and both of these women qualify as that.

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Thank you for explaining the "family maximum" concept, Nia - that's really helpful information that I hadn't come across before. Understanding that ex-spouses and current spouses are in different beneficiary categories makes it much clearer why one doesn't affect the other. I think having that technical explanation will really help both my mom and his widow feel more confident about moving forward. Your suggestion about asking for benefit estimates is excellent too. I think knowing the actual dollar amounts will help reduce the uncertainty and anxiety that's been building up. You're absolutely right that this system exists because families are complex - that's such a thoughtful way to frame it. I'm going to share this perspective with both of them when we talk next. It's reassuring to know that the system was designed with these real-life situations in mind rather than this being some kind of loophole or exception.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. This is an incredibly difficult time, and dealing with benefit questions while grieving makes everything more stressful. I wanted to add one more perspective that might help with the family dynamics. From what you've described, it sounds like both your mom and his widow are approaching this with some anxiety about whether they're "entitled" to benefits or whether one might interfere with the other's claim. What I've learned from friends who've been through similar situations is that sometimes it helps to reframe this entirely: these aren't "survivor benefits" that someone is "claiming" - they're insurance benefits that your father earned through decades of work, specifically designed to provide security for his family members after his death. Both women contributed to your father's life and well-being during their respective marriages, and both marriages met the legal requirements that make them eligible. The Social Security system recognizes this reality and has built-in provisions to ensure that eligible family members can receive the security your father worked to provide. One practical suggestion: since you mentioned the funeral was already tense, it might help to have a brief conversation with both women where you acknowledge that this process might feel awkward, but that you're there to help them both navigate it without it becoming a source of family conflict. Sometimes just naming the elephant in the room can reduce a lot of the underlying tension. You're doing a great job helping both sides understand the process. This doesn't have to create more family drama - it can actually be resolved quite straightforwardly once they both have their conversations with SSA.

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Thank you so much for this thoughtful perspective on reframing the entire situation. You're absolutely right that thinking of these as insurance benefits that my father earned (rather than something being "claimed" or "taken") completely changes the emotional tone of the whole thing. I really appreciate your suggestion about having an upfront conversation acknowledging that this might feel awkward - I think you're spot on that just naming the tension can help reduce it. Both women are good people who cared about my father, and I think they're both just worried about doing the right thing while also making sure they're financially secure. Your point about this not having to create family drama is exactly what I needed to hear. I'm going to use this insurance benefits framing when I talk to them both - it feels much more positive and less confrontational than the way we've been thinking about it. Thank you for helping me see a path forward that honors everyone's relationships with my father while keeping the family peace.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. As someone who recently navigated a similar situation when my stepfather passed, I wanted to share what I learned that might help your family. The most important thing to understand is that survivor benefits aren't a limited resource that gets divided up - each eligible person receives their full calculated benefit independently. Both your mom and his widow can receive benefits based on your father's record without affecting each other at all. What really helped in our situation was having both parties understand that SSA handles hundreds of these cases every month - it's routine for them, even though it feels overwhelming for families. I'd recommend that when they contact SSA, they should ask specifically about: 1) their individual benefit estimate, 2) the optimal timing for filing (since they're different ages), and 3) how any benefits they're already receiving might transition to survivor benefits. The emotional piece is just as important as the financial piece - both women were significant parts of your father's life, and he paid into Social Security with the expectation it would provide security for his eligible family members. That's exactly what's happening here. You're doing a wonderful job advocating for both of them during such a difficult time.

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Thank you so much, Genevieve. Your experience with your stepfather's situation is incredibly helpful, and I really appreciate you taking the time to share those specific questions they should ask SSA. The three points you mentioned - individual benefit estimate, optimal timing, and benefit transitions - are exactly the kind of concrete guidance I was hoping to get for them. It's so reassuring to hear that SSA handles these cases routinely, even though it feels completely overwhelming from our family's perspective. I think that knowledge alone will help both women feel less anxious about the process. Your point about this being exactly what my father intended when he paid into Social Security really resonates with me. He worked hard his whole life and would want both of these important women in his life to have the security he earned for them. I'm definitely going to share your specific SSA questions with both of them before they make their appointments. Thank you for helping me see this as a normal, manageable process rather than some kind of family crisis.

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I'm so sorry for your loss, and I can only imagine how difficult this must be for your entire family. What you're describing is actually a very common situation that the Social Security Administration handles regularly. Both your mom and your father's widow can absolutely receive survivor benefits based on his work record, and importantly, these benefits are calculated completely independently - one person's benefit doesn't reduce what's available to the other. Since your mom was married to your father for 22 years, never remarried, and is 67, she meets all the eligibility requirements for divorced spouse survivor benefits. His widow, having been married to him for 15 years at the time of his death, also clearly qualifies for widow's benefits. The SSA system is specifically designed to handle these situations because they recognize that people's lives and families can be complex. One thing that might help reduce family tensions is to explain to both women that they don't need to coordinate their applications or even be aware of each other's filing status. Each will work directly with SSA based on their own circumstances. Also, since they're different ages, their optimal claiming strategies might be different - they should each ask about the best timing for their individual situations. I'd encourage both of them to gather their documentation (marriage certificates, divorce decree, death certificate, Social Security statements) before contacting SSA, as this will make the process much smoother. The fact that you're helping both sides navigate this with such care and sensitivity speaks volumes about your character during an already difficult time.

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