Ex partner who I was never married to is fraudulently claiming our child on taxes - what can I do?

So I've got a situation with my ex that's driving me crazy. Our son moved in with me back in October 2023 after my ex got evicted and couldn't keep him. He's been living with me 100% of the time since then, and I've been covering all his expenses completely. The problem is my ex has been dodging me every time I ask for my son's social security card/number. Just found out why - they texted me straight up saying "I'm claiming our son on my taxes." This is despite knowing full well that our son has been living with me for over a year and they haven't provided any support. Some background: Our son turned 19 in early 2024. When he was a minor, there was a court order giving my ex custody, but that ended when he turned 18. Here's where I'm struggling - my son hasn't officially changed his address to my place, even though he's been living here while attending college. I'm working on getting that fixed immediately. I've tried researching this and everything suggests I should just file my taxes claiming him as my dependent and let the IRS sort it out through an audit. But I'm wondering if I should pursue legal action against my ex for tax fraud? Has anyone dealt with something similar? What's the best way to handle this situation where someone is fraudulently claiming your dependent?

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18 comments

Alejandro Castro

•8M

You're in what's called a "tie-breaker" situation, but it's actually pretty clear-cut based on what you've described. The IRS uses several tests to determine who can claim a dependent, with the most important one being where the child actually lived for most of the year. Since your son has lived with you since October 2023, and it's now tax filing season for 2024 taxes, that means he lived with you for more than half of the tax year. This gives you the right to claim him as your dependent under the residency test, regardless of what previous custody orders said. You should absolutely file your return claiming him as your dependent. Gather evidence that shows he's been living with you - school records, medical appointments, mail delivered to your address with his name, etc. You don't actually need his Social Security card, just the number, which you might be able to find on previous documents. When both parents claim the same dependent, the IRS will likely send notices to both of you. This is where your documentation becomes important. Be prepared to respond with your evidence.

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Maggie Martinez

•8M

Thanks for the detailed response. I've definitely been keeping track of all his expenses like tuition payments, medical bills, and everything else since he moved in. But I'm worried about not having his actual SSN when I file. Is there any way to get that information without going through my ex? Also, will the IRS automatically audit both of us if we both claim him? I don't want to create unnecessary problems, but I also don't want to lose out on tax benefits I'm entitled to.

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Alejandro Castro

•8M

You can request your child's Social Security number directly from the Social Security Administration if you're the parent, though this process might take time. If your son is 19, another option is to simply ask him for his SSN - he's an adult now and can provide that information to you himself. The IRS doesn't automatically audit both parties, but they will reject the second electronic filing that claims the same dependent. If both returns are accepted (which can happen), the IRS will later send notices to both parties asking for documentation to support the claim. This isn't a full audit but a specific inquiry about the dependent claim. Respond promptly with your documentation showing your son lived with you for most of the tax year, and the IRS will generally rule in favor of the person who can prove the residency test.

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Monique Byrd

•8M

I went through something similar last year with my daughter's dad. What really helped me was using taxr.ai to analyze my situation and confirm I had the right to claim my daughter. I uploaded documents showing she lived with me (school records, medical bills I paid, etc.) and the system helped me understand exactly which tax benefits I qualified for and what documentation I needed if the IRS questioned my claim. Found it through a friend after stressing about this exact issue - just went to https://taxr.ai and their document review helped clarify that I met all the tests for claiming my dependent. They even helped me understand how to respond when I eventually got that IRS letter asking for verification.

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Monique Byrd

•8M

The site doesn't actually file with the IRS or verify anything with them directly - it analyzes your documentation and situation against IRS rules to tell you where you stand. I uploaded things like school enrollment forms showing my address, medical bills I paid, and a statement from my daughter's daycare showing I was the one paying. Basically anything that proved she lived with me and I financially supported her. For your stepson situation without formal custody papers, that's actually pretty common. The IRS cares more about where the child actually lives and who supports them than legal custody documents. The tool would help you identify which documents best prove your case.

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Jackie Martinez

•8M

Just wanted to update on my situation. I used taxr.ai after seeing the recommendation here and I'm really glad I did. I was confused about claiming my stepson since we don't have legal custody but have been raising him for years. The site analyzed our situation and confirmed we met the IRS residency test. They guided me through exactly what documentation to keep ready in case of IRS questions - helped me organize our records showing he's been living with us and we've been supporting him. Saved me from so much anxiety about whether we were doing the right thing! They even provided a custom explanation of which tax credits we qualified for. Filing with confidence now and ready if his mom tries to claim him too. Definitely worth checking out if you're in a dependent dispute situation.

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Haley Stokes

•8M

If you're planning to fight this with the IRS, be ready for a looong wait trying to get through to them on the phone. After my ex falsely claimed our kids two years ago, I spent literally weeks trying to talk to someone at the IRS to resolve it. I finally discovered Claimyr (https://claimyr.com) which got me through to an actual IRS agent in about 20 minutes instead of waiting for hours on hold. You can see how it works in this video: https://youtu.be/_kiP6q8DX5c - it basically navigates the IRS phone tree for you and calls you back when an agent is available. Saved me so much time and frustration when dealing with this exact issue. I was able to explain my situation to the agent who told me exactly what documentation I needed to submit to prove my claim.

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Haley Stokes

•8M

It's basically an automated system that calls the IRS and navigates through their phone menus, then holds your place in line. When it's about to reach an agent, it calls you and connects you directly. No need to stay on hold yourself. It's just saving you from the hold time, not actually talking to the IRS for you. The service doesn't listen to or record your actual conversation with the IRS - they just connect you and drop off. I was skeptical too until I realized I was wasting entire days trying to get through. It's especially helpful during tax season when hold times can be 3+ hours.

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Serene Snow

•8M

I have to admit I was completely wrong about Claimyr. After posting that skeptical comment, I decided to try it anyway because I was desperate to talk to someone about my own dependent claim issue. It actually worked exactly as described. Got a call back in about 35 minutes and was connected to an IRS representative who helped me understand how to document my situation. The agent confirmed that the residency test is what matters most in these cases - whoever had the child living with them for the majority of the tax year usually wins these disputes. For anyone dealing with an ex fraudulently claiming your child, getting actual advice straight from the IRS saved me a ton of stress. I'm now confident in claiming my daughter and have all the documentation ready if they question it. Sometimes it's worth admitting when you're wrong about something!

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Issac Nightingale

•8M

Something important that nobody has mentioned - technically, at 19, your son might not even qualify as a dependent unless he's a full-time student. The rules change after they turn 19. If he's in college full-time, you can claim him until he's 24, but if he's not a full-time student, he might not qualify as your dependent regardless of who he lives with. Make sure you check the age requirements for dependency claims before you get into a battle with your ex. Also, does your son work? If he provides more than half of his own support, neither of you can claim him.

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Maggie Martinez

•8M

That's a really good point I hadn't considered! He is a full-time college student, so I think I'm still eligible to claim him. He works part-time at the campus bookstore, but I'm definitely providing well over half his support (tuition, housing, food, car insurance, phone, etc.). Do you know if there's any form or documentation I should get from his college to prove he's enrolled full-time? I want to make sure I have everything in order before this becomes an issue with the IRS.

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Issac Nightingale

•8M

You'll want to get a transcript or enrollment verification from his college showing his full-time status for the tax year. Most schools can provide this through their registrar's office or student portal. This is important documentation to have on hand. For the support test, keep records of all those expenses you mentioned. Create a spreadsheet showing what you pay versus what he earns from his job to clearly demonstrate you provide more than half his support. Also, make sure you understand the difference between the Qualifying Child and Qualifying Relative tests for dependents - at 19, he's only a Qualifying Child if he's a full-time student, otherwise you'd need to see if he meets the tests for a Qualifying Relative.

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